Archive for September, 2012

Limerick Dismay (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 30th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman displayed her dismay…*

or

A fellow displayed his dismay…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Dismay
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman displayed her dismay
At her pug, who refused to obey.
She’d hound him and bray,
Till her pet ran away.
‘Tis no wonder her dog would not stay.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (81)

Sunday, September 30th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A Quaker gal just wouldn’t whine
When a fellow behaved like a swine.
There was no anger flaring
And — goodness! — no swearing
Though she murmured, quite clearly, “Up thine.”

Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow who tended to whine
To his wife if the house didn’t shine
Pushed her over the edge.
Now his breath smells like Pledge,
And his ass has a fresh scent of pine.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Mike Dinicola a/k/a Mr. Lim, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily:

A fellow who tended to whine
Hooked a rather big fish on his line.
But he groaned to his rod
That it’s only a scrod
And wasn’t precooked in white wine.

Mike Dinicola a/k/a Mr. Lim:

A fellow who tended to whine
Remarked while astride the Date Line,
“What happens to ‘when’
If I’m here ‘now’ and ‘then’
And will yester-today e’er combine?”

Johanna Richmond:

An accountant who tended to whine
Claimed she only liked sex while supine.
Her turnover rate
Deflated her mate
Whose dream was a tight bottom line.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To The Gambler

Wednesday, September 26th, 2012

Three Word Wednesday asks us to use chance, entice, and savor in a poem. I’ve coaxed them into this limerick:

Limerick Ode To The Gambler
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gambler enticed by the chance
Of a win does a dangerous dance:
He savors the thrill,
As he loses free will.
We all know how it ends in advance.

Whiny Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who tended to whine…*

or

A woman who tended to whine…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Whiny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who tended to whine
Was annoyed by a long movie line.
“My back hurts,” he griped.
“Pipe down,” someone sniped,
“Or I’ll gladly align your damn spine.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (80)

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”

Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow was trying his hand
At teaching his dog a command.
But he slurred just a bit,
And when he said “Sit,”
He got a bit more than he planned.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Brendan Beary, Richard Diakun, Carolyn Henly, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.

Tim James:

A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires
For clients’ desires;
Supply was outstripped by demand.

Brendan Beary:

A fellow was trying his hand
On the Tokyo stage, but was canned —
The director yelled, “Cut!”
Then reproached him with, “What
Part of Noh do you not understand?”

Richard Diakun:

The lady again played her hand,
And this time the pot was a grand.
She got quite a rush
As she showed off her flush.
Her cleavage distracted as planned.

Carolyn Henly:

A poet was trying her hand
At a lim’rick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.

John Peter Larkin:

A fellow was trying his hand
At making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell
To know I can grow on-demand.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy World Rhino Day!

Friday, September 21st, 2012

Tomorrow, September 22nd, is World Rhino Day. And I’m very pleased to announce that my Limerick Ode To The Rhinoceros is included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World. And that it was one of five of the anthology’s poems read at a World Rhino Day celebration in Grahamstown, South Africa.

Limerick Ode To The Rhinoceros
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The rhino appears prehistoric,
With a diet that’s vega-caloric.
It’s endangered, alas.
Laws to save it must pass.
This would make all its lovers euphoric.

UPDATE: May 1 is Save The Rhino Day.

Escapist Limerick

Thursday, September 20th, 2012

Claudia over at DVersePoets asks us to write a poem about our quiet moments:

Escapist Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When I need to escape and relax,
I read thrillers — fictitious attacks
On a gal or a fellow
I’ll root for while mellow—
Avoiding true life’s ugly facts.

Trying Your Hand At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was trying his hand …*

or

A woman was trying her hand …*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Trying Your Hand At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A baker was trying his hand
At launching a rock and roll band.
He played the guitar,
And he hoped to go far.
But alas all his gig dates were panned.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (79)

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman was planning a spread
“For the birthday,” she said, “of my Fred.
He’s a sorry schlemiel
Without much appeal,
But surprisingly useful in bed.”

Congratulations to Susan Taylor, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A rich man was planning a spread
Of ads full of lies to be read.
“We’ll swing the election!
Evade all detection!
It’s free speech, the High Court has said.”

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this special Limerick Repartee Award for her limerick written in response to Craig Dykstra’s Limerick of the Week winner from last week. To fully appreciate Johanna’s verse, you need to read Craig’s and Johanna’s limericks back to back. So here they are:

Craig Dykstra:

The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”

Johanna Richmond:

A woman, caressing her spread,
To the squirt at the Sealy store said,
“Queen indeed, but I fear
You can’t satisfy, dear:
Extra firm’s what I like in my bed.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Carolyn Henly, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A fellow was planning a spread;
“A barbecue’s coming!” he said.
But a shortage of beef
Gave him all kinds of grief.
Now no one can find Mr. Ed.

Carolyn Henly:

A woman was planning a spread,
But she wasn’t quite right in the head.
The theme of her gig
Was “A Night in the Brig.”
She served nothing but water and bread.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

While a rancher was checking his spread,
He found a lone cow in a shed.
“The bull is out wooing.
I don’t feel like screwing.
I really don’t want to be bred!”

Daniel Ari: (For an extra laugh check out his limerick link.)

I, Daniel, am planning a spread
Of humus, falafel and bread;
And since my own pate
Is smooth as a plate,
I’ll serve it on top of my head.

Jamie Hutchinson:

When a shepherd boy laid out a spread
For his lover, she turned tail and fled.
“What was it, my pet,
That spoiled our duet?
The haggis? Or something I said?”

Colleen Murphy:

A dingbat was planning a spread,
But mixed up her plans in her head.
She mashed the tomatoes
And sliced raw potatoes,
Then stuffed the fresh duck in the bread.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Angst-Ridden Limerick (Acrostic Limerick)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

This month Acrostic Only asks for an acrostic limerick featuring the word ANGST. (An acrostic limerick spells out a word via the first letter of each line.)

So now you know why this limerick is definitely NOT funny:

Angst-Ridden Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Anxiety, fear, apprehension
Neurotically fill me with tension.
Getting out of my chair—
Somehow going somewhere
Tends to help with depression prevention.

A Limerick Spread (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 9th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was planning a spread…*

or

A fellow was planning a spread…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

A Limerick Spread
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was planning a spread,
Meant to help push her husband ahead.
It would boost his connections.
(So said her projections.)
But it led him astray into bed.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (78)

Sunday, September 9th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Craig Dykstra, Bruce Niedt, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):

A fellow who tended to preen
Flashed a grin at the Jumbo-tron screen
And said, “What nominee?
This is all about me.
I’ll be running in 2016.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman who tended to preen
Was found dead. Cops were called to the scene.
Her spouse cried, “My wife
Did NOT take her life!
She would never be caught dead in green!”

Craig Dykstra:

For her boyfriend, she started to preen,
Stating “I have the legs of a queen!”
Then she asked “In this light
Which looks best – ‘left’ or ‘right’ ?”
He said “I’m more a fan of ‘between’. “

Bruce Niedt:

A fellow who tended to preen
Picked up gals from the singles bar scene.
But he’s now in the pen
Where he does five-to-ten –
His last conquest was only sixteen.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A charmer was starting to preen,
As he sweet-talked the lovely Alene.
“May I stay?” “Yes, you may.”
Then he learned, as they lay,
That Alene was a Turing machine.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Lusty Limerick

Friday, September 7th, 2012

It seems I write unprintable limericks: I entered this year’s Washington Post Invitational limerick contest, and this one ended up in the Washington Post’s “cozy little shelter under the radar.”

Lusty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kindly expedite. Speed is a must.
Do it quick as you can — that’s my thrust.
Cuz I cannot express
What a sizable mess
Lack of dispatch would make of my lust.

Preening Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 2nd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who tended to preen…*

or

A woman who tended to preen…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Preening Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who tended to preen
Looked great (so he thought) wearing green.
But the shady, base boor
Had no hint of allure,
Cuz clothing can’t camouflage mean.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (77)

Sunday, September 2nd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Bill Klein who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A farm wife was peeved at her mate
And his personal hygiene of late.
The stench so extended,
The pigs were offended
And threatened to move out of state.

Congratulations to Jim Delaney who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was peeved at her mate,
So she packed all his stuff in a crate
In the dark before dawn,
Set it out on the lawn,
And abandoned it all to its fate.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Richard Diakun, Stephen Fleming, Johanna Richmond, Jim Sullivan, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Richard Diakun:

A woman was peeved at her mate,
Who thought when she said she was late
That all of their lovin’
Left one in the oven,
Instead of her plane at the gate.

Stephen Fleming:

A woman was peeved at her mate
For constantly putting on weight.
But “the bigger the cushion,
The better the pushin’,”
He said as he cleaned off his plate.

Johanna Richmond:

A woman’s been peeved at her mate
Since their date back in seventy eight
When a finger of rum
Shot his plan not to come;
Now she rues the words “I’ll take it straight.”

Jim Sullivan:

A woman was peeved with her mate,
An actor who loved to orate.
She said, “Clint, if you dare
Yell at one more damn chair,
Pack your bags, and I’ll show you the gate!”

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A woman was peeved that her mate
Spent their cash at a scandalous rate.
“It isn’t the cars
Or the Cuban cigars;
It’s the tips for the strippers I hate!”

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A husky was peeved at a mate.
He growled, “She’s not pulling her weight.
I was shocked at the sight
As she crept out last night
And went with a Wolf on a date!”

Bruce Niedt:

A woman was peeved at her mate,
A Saudi oil-rich potentate:
“We had a big fight
‘Cos he’s drilling tonight,
But by that he means wife number eight!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!