Obsessive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was very obsessed…*
or
A woman was very obsessed…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Obsessive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was very obsessed
With getting enough nightly rest.
His reason makes sense:
Lack of sleep made him tense
Which, alas, left him sexually hard-pressed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Limerick Contest, Obsession Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Relaxation Humor, Sex Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow was very obsessed
A chosen one he was blessed
Frequent to outbursts
He was the greatest
Forgetting Ali was rightly the best
Hank
A woman was very obsessed,
With the way that her man always dressed:
Bermudas, black socks,
And blue suede Birkenstocks!
(She went into cardiac arrest.)
a woman was very obsessed
with the way her fellow dressed
shorts, with no socks
and fresh pressed slacks
she tried to leave others impressed
A fellow was very obsessed
With the thought he had somehow confessed
To the crimes in his mind;
Sigmund might be inclined
To think: Oedipal complex repressed.
A fellow was very obsessed,
With how his poor wife was possessed,
He hired a priest,
To get rid of the beast,
But found him right under her dress.
A woman was very obsessed
By the abnormal size of her chest
She said, “My bazooms
“Are the size of most rooms!
“Is that why the guys like me best?”
A fellow was very obsessed
Over how many women dressed
Usually told off,
After a mumble and cough,
He liked them naed he confessed.
A man was very obsessed
And as a result , found no rest
His fascination with boobs
Never went down the tubes
For a wonderful pair, he followed with zest
A fellow was mad and obsessed
With having his grievance redressed.
It seems match dot com swore
He’d score women galore;
Now they can’t even keep him abreast.
A fellow was very obsessed
With storing porn pics in a chest
But “Ouch” squeaked the freak
When sneaking a peek
The lid slammed and his “deek” was hard pressed.
A woman was very obsessed
With her health, as she later confessed.
Scared of losing her wits,
She kept checking her tits
To make sure she was keeping abreast.
A fellow was very obsessed
By hair he refused to get messed.
His gal would suggest
Stop being a pest
“Take it off and I’ll see you get blessed.”
.
A woman was very obsessed
Her coiffure would get totally messed.
To protect her high crown
She refused to lie down
And left her date mentally distressed.
.
A pair was very obsessed
By hair they refused to get messed.
So no harm would befall
They leaned on a wall.
To relieve feelings that once were supressed.
Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
That her negligee should have been pressed:
“Are you try’na be cruel
You near-sighted old fool?
I have already gotten undressed!”
A fellow was very obsessed
With a gal he pursued with great zest
When he went for the score
Turns out she’s a whore
Which put a quick end to the quest.
A magician was vain and obsessed,
Quite convinced that his fans were impressed,
Till he found out the dicks
Who turned out for his tricks
Didn’t come when his sidekick was dressed.
A fellow was very obsessed
With the menu — to waiters he stressed,
“If you think what I say
Causes any dismay,
It is just what I meant to, in jest.”
A woman with sex was obsessed,
Working hard at not being repressed.
With all men she dated
She’d leave them quite sated,
Feeling drained, quite happy and blessed.
A fellow was very obsessed
As he peered at the size of her breast.
He might have gone slower
Had he looked a bit lower;
The large belly explains it all best.
A fellow was very obsessed,
and he just couldn’t get any rest,
‘til the meter was right,
the rhyming was tight,
and the syllables properly stressed.
The woman was very obsessed:
“Two weeks late: I for sure need a test.”
So for shoes she went shoppin’,
Like all hellzapoppin.
“Too close. Half a month underdressed.”
A fellow was very obsessed
With the compass he kept in his vest
When he kissed his wife’s mouth
It directed him South
Past the breasts to the East and the West
A fellow was very obsessed,
Making sure that all were impressed
With all he had done
By his wits and his gun
By other means he was quite repressed.
A woman was very obssessed
With lim’ricks and passing the test.
Her talent? Legendary!
Her challenges? Quite hairy!
But that’s how she brought out the best.
Gratuitous? Pandering? Copycat? Yes, yes and yes! LOL!
A fellow was very obsessed
with who got more of the armrest
In a theater or plane
it drove him insane
if his neighbor had more than the crest
A woman was very obsessed,
because of one larger breast!
Do I reduce the big
to the size of a fig?
Or scale up to Mt. Everest?
A lady was too much obsessed
With details of how she was dressed
So with dignified grace
Only peek-a-boo lace
Ever touched her elegant breast
I’m a chick but Craig’s limerick~~wife’s wrinkles need ironing~~is a bloody riot. He’s the top(s) as Cole Porter would say. See, women can laff at sexist “jokes.”
A fellow was very obsessed
With building his biceps and chest,
But when he stripped down
She said, with a frown,
‘You just look top-heavy, undressed!’
A cockatoo very obsessed
With making a hen one impressed:
She liked his display.
But then found with dismay
That all that could rise was his crest!
A woman was very obsessed
with the size of her very small breasts.
With inhibition freed,
told her beau, “What I need
is more rubbing, so please be my guest.”
A woman was very obsessed
With how her chihuahua was dressed.
“For my dear’s getting old
And too easily cold.
And her wrinkles should really be pressed!”
There’s this guy who’s insanely obsessed
With his pendulous pal – what a pest!
He feels driven to share
What he measures “down there”;
Oh relax, Bud — your pud passed the test!
A woman was clearly obssessed
With her head being extra well tressed.
She spent hours on her hair.
Ev’n more than SHE could bear.
It left her going out, often, undressed!
A woman was very obsessed
With the way her husband was dressed
After losing much weight
His sartorial state
Looked like garage sale at best
A woman was very obssessed
By the thought that her husband cross-dressed
“But my dear” he disclosed,
“No-one else really knows
Be a love and just hand me my vest”
Ha!
a man was very obsessed
with a woman who swam in her dress
an apparition so strange
he wanted to get engaged
she said
“No,sorry I’m a fish I confess”
HeHeHe!!
A woman was very obsessed
with the dots she found on her dress
they are grey, blue and pink
and that makes her think
if she ever passes the monochrome test
A father was very obsessed
with the way that his teenage girl dressed:
“You inveterate flirt,
that’s a belt, not a skirt,
and your blouse reveals most of your chest!”
A poet was very obsessed
with a limerick writing contest.
but a rhythmic blunder
tore his prize dreams asunder –
he forgot all about anapest!
A fellow was very obsessed,
With women, and how they got dressed.
They handed him in, though,
When caught at their window;
Charges, I’m told, will be pressed.
A Lim’ricker, very obsessed
His rhymes should be up with the best,
Rewrites, hones and trims
So much that his Lims
Are three weeks behind all the rest. :(
Vowed a cuckoo, very obsessed
To lay in an upmarket nest,
“Next year I’ll be pickin’
“That nice Mrs Chicken
“Just LOOK at that family crest!”
Metric improvement, but I don’t know how to delete previous version.
Fellow in secret obsessed
That God gave him only one teste
Said he to friend Saul
” I have only one ball
And my wife wants 6 kids and the rest.
(Note from Mad Kane: I deleted your earlier version for you.)
Voyeur who was very obsessed
With viewing his neighbours firm breast
“I enjoy you my dear
When I’m having a beer
So come up and show me the rest”
i wonder who was doing the pressing
Clergyman very obsessed
With putting God’s Word to the test
“If I jump from this roof
It will surely be proof”
But today they will lay nim to rest.
A UPS man was obsessed
With the manner that suited him best
If a client he’d meet
Not on HER usual street;
Would he know how she should be addressed?
a fellow was very obsessed
with the way that his wife always dressed
at last she gave in
wore not but a grin
then walked out the door in protest
(I decided to give the limerick another go; you make it look so easy. so, here’s my second attempt at fitting the meter — I fear always threw me off a bit. had wanted to end with ‘to his protest’, but that definitely messed the meter.)
A fellow was very obsessed
to always do his very best
When along came a girl
who sent him for a twirl
leaving his world a happy mess
A fellow was very obsessed
With the size of the feminine breast.
When he’d speak with a lady
His glance was so shady
“Up here!” was the oft-heard request.
A gymnast was clearly obsessed
With winning Olympia’s best.
When she ended up second
With silver, she reckoned,
McKayla was quite unimpressed.
An agent was very obsessed
With a man who was sought for arrest,
A hard-bitten outlaw
Who’d brazenly flout law,
And robbed every bank in the west.
Mitt Romney’s not desperate, obsessed,
An extreme right-wing ass-kissing pest…
No! He’s just making mirth
Clucking, “MY U.S. birth
Is a matter no one would contest”!
A woman was very obsessed
With having her coiffure up-dressed
She had ribbons and birds
Which prompted these words:
“Madam, you’re way over-tressed.”
A songbird was very obsessed
with shooting the breeze in a vest
Discouraging words
he heard from some birds
who weren’t so nattily dressed
A meter maid was quite obsessed
with parkers whose time was at best
a minute or two
beyond what they’re due
She ticketed them with lusty zest!
A Beatle fan was quite obsessed
with what song he thought was the best
Was it psychedelic
or some early relic
or a rooftop song played with a guest.
America once was obsessed
with space flight and being the best
Neil walked there first
Our pride it did burst
We’ll miss him as he takes his rest.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winners, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 76.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Mate.
Just now saw the comment from Zee Alexi. Thanks, Zee!