Limerick Explanation (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was asked to explain…*
or
A fellow was asked to explain…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was asked to explain
Why she liked taking walks in the rain.
“I’ve been told I look better
As I became wetter.”
‘Twas a snow job — she soaked up in vain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Limerick Contest, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Rain Limerick, Walking Humor, Weather Humor, Writing Prompts
There’s only one way to explain
(Though I really don’t mean to complain)
Why the Limerick-Off Monday
Gets posted by Sunday?
It’s the “madness” of Madeleine Kane!
A woman was asked to explain…
Outwardly it appeared in vain
Was no ruse
Told the truth
Her stoical resolve maintained
Hank
Mitt was tired of trying to explain
His taxes and health care and Bain
So he chose a V.P.
Less gaffe-prone than he
But no less addicted to gain.
Answer please, will somebody explain
How you gobble but never do gain?
You just gorge and stay svelte.
I SEE food: Stretch my belt.
You thin people just drive me insane.
A woman was asked to explain
How her fortune had gone down the drain:
‘Though it was extensive,
My tastes are expensive.
And only some debts now remain.’
A woman was asked to explain
Why she’d got ten lovers in train:
‘”Explain” will do that:
It means, “lay out flat” –
Which is what I’m doing for gain!’
” ‘enry ‘iggins tries ‘ard to explain
‘ow to speak stuff like ‘Rain, Spain and plain’;
But since me, ‘liza Doolittle,
Ain’t ‘ad much school it’ll
Need practice again and again.”
a fellow was asked to explain
why sometimes in sun it rained
he scratched his chin
before he’d begin
and what he said you’d think he insane
A lover was asked to explain
Why his “methods” seemed so arcane
As he answered he said
“Let’s get under the bed
And explore a whole new terrain.”
A woman was asked to explain
Why she held Paul Ryan in disdain.
She looked at his budget
My God did he fudge it.
She decided to loudly complain.
A man was asked to explain
Why his women would so often feign
Orgasms of delight
As they slept with him despite
Preferring partners whose sex was the same.
A man was asked to explain
Why his blood test included cocaine
He said, “Please don’t scald
My nostrils are bald
And I thought I was snorting Rogaine”
A husband was asked to explain
his embarrassing underwear stain
“Lost a bet with a friend
On who could pass wind
And we also got kicked off the train.”
A woman was asked to explain
The difference between a car and train
She made a weird noise
Attracting the boys
Joining a club on a plane
A fellow was asked to explain
His fun with his ole “ball and chain.”
After thinking a while,
He said with a smile:
“I’d credit our love for champagne.”
A fellow was asked to explain
Why all the women he like looked the same
All of them a fox
With nary an ox
Hotties like that, who can complain?
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he’d made sweat mopping his game.
“I wanted to know
I was in the show
and smell the action, glory, and fame.”
My woman was asked to explain,
why she was so inhumane.
She screamed, “IT’S BECAUSE,
OF THIS DAMNED MENOPAUSE!”
I’d assumed she was merely insane.
A woman was asked to explain
the workings of a woman’s brain
“Well…what to say next?
Even I am perplexed.
So for men it must be quite a strain.”
My silo guy tried to explain
The glass panel that keeps out the rain.
“If it’s not kept intact
Your crop rots – that’s a fact:
It’s a case of No Pane, then No Grain”
Mitt’s often called to explain
Exactly what happened at Bain
But his explanation
Is met with beration
But will he get his Capitol gain?
A dentist was asked to explain
Why she never employed Novocaine
“I make such a killing
“When I start with the drilling,
“And those gross needles, yikes, what a pain!”
A fellow was asked to explain
His decision to hijack a plane
“I’ve got golf with my mate
And I mustn’t be late
Else I’d surely have stolen a train.”
A woman was asked to explain
Her tardiness, yet again and again
Why look monastic
Instead of fantastic
Lord, I’d sooner open a ‘vain’
A woman was asked to explain
Why she faked orgasms sans shame
It’s easier she said
To fake bliss in bed
And get back to my book, he his game.
A woman was asked to explain
Why high heels drove her insane
She picked up a pair
And said, now I dare
You to walk a mile in these ‘thangs’
A fellow was asked to explain
Why his dog was left in the rain
“If he comes inside
With mud on his hide
I’ll just have to wet him again.”
A woman was loathe to explain
Why her blue dress still carried a stain.
Someone’s advice she’d heeded.
Why’d she think it’d be needed?
Well, we all know now, though with disdain.
A fellow who needs to explain
Why his sex drive is now on the wane,
Often claims to work late,
To his lonely sweet mate.
But what of that lipstick red stain?
A woman was asked to explain
why droplets of ink keep her sane
“they fall into patterns
of things that matter”
and carry the magic of rain
Aussie polly who asked “Please explain”
Had only one half of a brain
With manner incisive
And platform divisive
“One Nation” she sent down the drain.
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he spent every night with Helene
“She’s sexy, she’s smart
And ignores when I fart
And I know that she’ll never’abstain'”.
Thanks for the visit :)
a woman was asked to explain
why she was so terribly vain
she said I’m gorgeously cute
the chaps think I’m a hoot
especially the ones that are plain
A woman was asked to explain
The cause of her pelvic floor pain
She said handle bar
Was too low by too far
And that bike won’t be ridden again
This is a real problem according to noted medical researchers – go figure!
The doctor went on to explain
Vibrations the cause of the pain
when you bend low to push
It raises your tush
And lowers your hoo-ha again
The hoo-ha he then did explain
In medical term once again
Is a sensitive muscle
That can’t take the tussle
Of bike riding simple and plain
But doctor she tried to explaini
It’s really not that much a pain
If I ride for a mile
I smile for awhile
Do I really have to abstain
Ha!
Realizing I’m in the minority here:
A woman was asked to explain
Why she voted for Barry Hussein
She said that she thought
She would give him a shot,
Now she wishes she’d picked John McCain.
Cemetery – keeper was asked to explain
A headstone within his domain
It said “I am Claude.
They accused me of fraud
I am safe here & here I’ll remain”.
A mistress was asked to explain
The photos she took of her swain.
“In his S&M get-up
It’s a sweet blackmail set-up.”
But I think she’s just yanking his chain.
A fellow was asked to explain
what goes on inside of his brain.
The operative word
for his acts is “absurd.”
It’s that or he’s clearly insane.
Some topical ones this week:
Mitt Romney was asked to explain
the running mate for his campaign:
“I know I’d be lyin’
if I said that Paul Ryan
wasn’t picked for some Tea Party gain.”
Paul Ryan, would you please explain
how your budget plan isn’t insane?
I can tell you with surety
that Social Security
is not what I’d call “gravy train”!
The sprinter Bolt, asked to explain
why he’s arrogant, showy and vain,
said, “I grab all the gold
so before I get old,
I’ll have the most fun with my reign.”
Paul Ryan was asked to explain
Why his budget plan’s so inhumane,
And the man had the nerve
To claim cruel cuts will serve
Folks they’ll kill – sorry, no pain, no gain!
A fiddler was asked to explain
Why he harped on the same old refrain.”
“Repetition ” he said
As he crawled into bed
Is one way of easing the pain.”
A commuter was asked to explain
Her “Oh lordy, lordy!” refrain:
“Prunes should come with a warning
‘Don’t eat in the morning.’
Now, slick, let me off of this train!”
For Johanna
Then the conductor had to explain
There was no way he could stop the train
So she tightened her sphincter
Till her cheeks got all pinkter
As she tried to endure all the pain
Soon the station master had to explain
Why he pulled that one car from the train
He said Lordy me
That was something to see
Next time I hope she takes a plane
My political stance – – –
I wish someone pleas would explain
Why on their parade we must rain
Like Thumper’s mom said
Keep it there in your head
If it ain’t something nice then refrain
For those who need me to explain
I hate a mud-slinging campaign
Tell me why you’re the best
And forget all the rest
To say anything more is a shame
A woman was asked to explain
Why the Spanish plains catch all the rain.
She burst into song,
But her accent was wrong.
She was told to audition for “Mame.”
:)
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he brought his ant farm on the train
With a roll of his eye
Said, “They don’t like to fly.
What, you thought I might be insane?”
A woman was asked to explain
why she hid her vericose vein
she said with a smile
it’s been there all the while
and now it diving me insane
“I’ve been told I look better
As I became wetter.”
What a unique compliment! I love this. :)
A fellow was asked to explain
What he’d do if he had half a brain.
He replied with a laugh,
“I’d give up on that half,
And then vote for that rich guy from Bain.”
Fun ones, all. Maybe this week…
Headmaster had to explain
Why his staff still beilieved in the cane.
“Well if they miss their classes
We wallop their arses
So then they won’t try it again.
A woman was asked to explain
Why she loved to belittle and complain
She had a feeling of regret
If she wasn’t a threat
And it was more fun if she didn’t abstain
A woman was asked to explain
The reason she seemed in such pain
“My credit’s unstable;
they cancelled my cable…
and rabbit ears? Hooked up in vain.”
Thanks for the fun, Mad! YOU ROCK THE LIM!
Amy
Broken Angel
A rewrite of one i posted earlier:
The sprinter Bolt, asked to explain
why he’s arrogant, showy and vain,
said, “I grab all the gold
so before I get old,
the world will be yelling, “Usain!”
Punctuation check:
The sprinter Bolt, asked to explain
why he’s arrogant, showy and vain,
said, “I grab all the gold
so before I get old,
the world will be yelling, ‘Usain!'”
A fellow was asked to explain
His reason for going insane.
As he looked at the world
The conclusion unfurled
That craziness was more in the main.
A man tried his best to explain
the stuff that went on in his brain
“If I said ‘Hickle!’
and tickled a pickle,
you wouldn’t believe I was sane!”
An older man tried to explain
his youthful addiction to grain
he never could ration
his drink, purple passion
that ended up pickling his brain
Stephen King tried to explain
the odd stuff the went down in Maine.
Clowns in the sewers
and ne’er-do-well doers…
The Tower drove Roland insane.
A fellow was asked to explain
Why he entered again and again.
“I can’t get the hang
Of this limerick thang
But I’m really enjoying the pain.”
A lawyer was asked to explain
why he entered a plea of insane
“I know it sounds lazy,
but this guy is crazy.
He thinks he’s the ghost of Mark Twain!”
A fellow was asked to explain
Why his sentences all seemed inane.
“Well, I’m trying to rhyme
And most of the time
Your sights on end words you must train.”
A young bride was asked to explain
Why she kept falling over her train
“It’s just that my leg
Is a stiff wooden peg
So walking’s a bit of a strain”.
A defendant is asked to explain
Why he thinks he’s the ghost of Mark Twain.
“Oh well” said the punk
“When I’m drunk as a skunk”
Don’t know if my name’s Twain or Kane”
@ Richard Diakun, A defendant is asked to explain
Why he thinks he’s the ghost of Mark Twain.
“Oh well” says the punk
“When I’m drunk as a skunk
Don’t know if my name’s Twain or Kane”
Mitt Romney was asked to explain
How he made so much money from Bain.
“I just fired the lot
And here’s what I got–
A gain and a gain and a gain.”
A fellow was asked to explain
What accident led to his cane
“I was building a wall
When I had a bad fall.
I SWEAR that I wasn’t profane!”
A woman was asked to explain
Her roses, both pretty and plain.
She replied, in a huff
“I’m an ‘Old Movie’ buff.
I grow ‘Rosebuds’
For ‘Citizen Kane’!”
A fellow was asked to explain
A rather embarrassing stain:
“My umbrella’s so small,
It topped only one ball
And the rest was left out in the rain.”
A song bird was asked to explain
if his shooting the breeze was in vain
He let out a burp,
instead of a chirp.
then dry-humped the barn weather vane.
While luuuuvin’ the barn weather vane
the songbird, he didst exxplain,
“When shooting the breeze,
I never catch fleas,
like those that drive puppies insane!”
Spinal Tap tried to explain
their amps and the numbers for gain
“We’ll blast you to heaven
when we hit eleven!”
and hearing was never a strain.
A fellow was asked to explain,
In a tight Presidential campaign,
The tropical haven
That helped him in savin’
The tax on his capital gain.
A monarch was asked to explain
The success of her glorious reign.
She responded: “I pander
To delusions of grandeur
Of subjects within my domain.”
A woman was asked to explain
A rather conspicuous stain.
Said the lady: “This spatter’s
My personal matter,
And I have no cause to complain.”
That songbird was asked to explain
Relationship with weather vane
He said”It was there
And it looked pretty fair
Tho the cock on the top was too plain”
A singer was asked to explain
the words he sang in the refrain
They said, “please don’t bore us
and say ‘it’s the chorus’,
or whatever you cook up in your brain’
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 75.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Obsessive Limerick.