A Limerick Mistake (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow had made a mistake…*
or
A woman had made a mistake…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Limerick Mistake
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow had made a mistake:
Paid big bucks for a painting — a fake.
“This picture’s real good,”
He said, “Gothic, by Wood.”
But the tool in the pic was a rake.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: American Gothic, Art Humor, Forgery Humor, Fraud Humor, Grant Wood, Limerick Contest, Mistakes Limerick, Money & Finance Humor, Money Verse, Paintings, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow had made a mistake
All of his dates assets were fake
If that wasn’t bad
He knew he was had
When “she” flashed him his trouser snake!
A woman had made a mistake
Her lover was kind of a flake
While he was boinking
he started his “oinking”
She wished she had stayed in the cake!
3rd line edit:
A woman had made a mistake
Her lover was kind of a flake
When they were boinking
he started his “oinking”
She wished she had stayed in the cake!
A voter had made a mistake
and this one just took the cake
He felt really bad
about the darned chad
that hung like a lawn service rake
A fellow had made a mistake
And wed a young girl on the ‘make’
Though she left him quite poor
What annoyed him much more
Was that even her breasts had been fake.
… Dan at Lake Michigan
A fellow had made a mistake
Hit the gas pedal, not the brake
Now Lake Michigan
Is home for late Dan
And his widow celebrates- for God’s sake!
Thanks for the visit ;)
He knew he had made a mistake
When she slapped him down there by the lake.
“If you want to make love
To me, heaven’s above,”
She said, “Next time make sure I’m awake!”
a fellow had made a mistake
just some boys playing at the lake
gave it a try
without asking why
and found himself met by a snake
A fellow had made a mistake
Ate at Chick-fil-A for chrrssake
When he opened his fries
He glanced at cute eyes
The kiss the guys shared took the cake.
A woman had made a mistake
Said of gals I do not partake
When they met in a tryst
The moment they kissed
She stayed late and rose gayly awake.
A model had made a mistake
When she thought that her gown was opaque
When she strode up the cat walk
Oh boy did those cats talk
When they saw what you might call cheese cake.
A fellow had made a mistake
When trying to use Shake ‘N Bake.
The crumbs wouldn’t stick
To his poor chicken pick
‘Cause the darn thing was still wide awake!
A fellow had made a mistake,
that only a moron would make.
When a girl meets a guy,
and offers him pie,
don’t tell her you’d rather have cake.
A fellow had made a mistake
In his plan for a duck breeding lake
He went and bought two
But his flock never grew
Since you can’t mate a drake with a drake
A woman had made a mistake,
when having sex down by the lake.
She cooed to her date,
“You’re so long and straight.”
He said “you’re on the parking brake.”
A fellow had made a mistake
And was told to “Jump in the Lake,”
By his sweet bride to be
Who’s now trying to flee
After learning her diamond is fake.
A fellow had made a mistake
on a case he decided to take.
For you see this clown
was in Chinatown
so his friend said, “Forget it, Jake.”
A young gal had made a mistake–
that hook-up had turned out a rake-
thank god that protection
saved her from infection
with warts and much worse in his wake.
This one a bit grim, Madeleine, will try to come up with something lighter. k.
A fellow had made a mistake
But he still decided to bake
He had to get it done
To enjoy the sun
Hint, the chocolate was fake
A woman had made a mistake
in trying to stay wide awake,
since late games’ telecast
left her bedtime long passed.
For the gold, a night’s sleep she’d forsake.
The waiter had made a mistake,
Claimed the diner, beginning to quake:
“Put back on your shirt,
You impudent flirt!
I ordered beefSTEAK, not beefCAKE!”
A fellow had made a mistake
In thinking an heirloom keepsake
Was worth lots of bucks,
But it wasn’t deluxe.
Instead, it was merely a fake.
A woman had made a mistake
In the timing of baking a cake.
What seemed like half an hour
For some eggs, butter, flour
was instead half a day. Now? Cake wake.
“Players”
The woman had made a mistake,
Knew her date, when she fell for the fake.
And now the shrewd gent’s
Behind her defense,
Taking off for an easy fast break.
A drunken man made a mistake
By thinking the pool was a lake.
The senseless chap peed
Like a well-watered steed
On top of his dazzled son Jake.
A coconut made the mistake
Of calling a farm boy a flake.
Instead of defenses
The boy used his senses
And turned the nut into a shake.
Elizabeth made a mistake
When sleeping with pet owner Drake.
She let out a gasp
When she found in her grasp
What she thought was his thing was a snake!
The songbird, he made a mistake
by tweeting a fugue in a quake
it was his intention
for thematic invention
when the counterpoint started to shake
Mr. Microphone made a mistake.
His promise was all for show’s sake
She got quite perturbed
as she sat by the curb.
His “pick you up later” was fake.
A woman had made a mistake
by not wrapping up Mr. Snake
After some lovin’
was one in the oven
and thus her nickname, “Easy Bake”
Egyptian lady made a mistake
Didn’t know that an asp was a snake
Put it close to her breast
And you know the rest
Or that’s what they said to the sheikh
A woman had made a mistake
Though her mom warned, “Don’t marry a rake.”
At her wedding she knew
It was likely a clue
When his mistress popped out of the cake.
Politicians oft make sex mistakes
By cheating on wives, slimeball snakes
It seems most of them lie
With their lips or their fly
Which unzips and grows hard on tax breaks
A couple had made a mistake
An office liaison at break
Their conference room antics
Became much more frantic
When they saw on the table a cake
Old Mitt made a classic mistake
When he stopped for a caj coffee break
And declared, “Think these cookies
Are the product of rookies —
Can’t any of “you people” bake?”
A hiker had made a mistake
In the drink he had chosen to to slake
A terrible thirst.
He’d chosen the worst –
With Glenlivet he fell in the lake.
A fellow had made a mistake
When a tart he attempted to bake –
She didn’t like shovin’
Her ass in the oven,
And shouted, ‘No! Let them eat cake!’
A fellow had made a mistake
When he thought he was Sir Francis Drake,
Or that he was pally
With Sir Walter Raleigh –
Transparently, this was opaque!
Ann Romney made quite a mistake
Saying ‘YOU people” was pretty opaque
And her show horse’s dressing
Did not help impressing
‘We the People’ don’t get horse tax breaks
$77K’s the amount
That the Romneys claimed for Ann’s white mount
They’re so far removed – it
would seem to behoove Mitt
To know folks with small bank accounts
This summer marks my discontent
Romney’s run for elite one percent
I’ve heard not one idea
Just ‘TP’ diarrhea
Thanks, Mad, for letting me vent!
I really like the suggestion of amendment to:
A fellow had made a mistake
With a tart he attempted to bake –
She didn’t like shovin’
Her ass in the oven,
And shouted, ‘No! Let them eat cake!’
You make a great editor!
I knew I had made a mistake
When I found out my spouse was a fake.
At first I was sure
he was merely a worm,
But later I learned he’s a snake!
A fellow had made a mistake
when he stepped off a dock at a lake.
His final dry wish –
clearly heard by the fish –
was for someone to make him a drake.
A witch doctor made a mistake,
Was outed, and burned at the stake.
Folks gathered and gawked,
And a wisecracker squawked:
“A mistake seems to’ve made ’im a steak!”
A fellow had made a mistake
with the pedals for gas and for brake.
Said his wife in the back seat,
“You’d have control of your feet
if you only try being awake.”
A fellow had made a mistake
Starting too soon at the gate
There’s more to Olympics
Than medals and limp tricks
He found out, but found out too late.
(I laughed at Jamie Hutchison’s limerick above, and also at yours.)
A gal made a ghastly mistake
When she jumped out of bed, yelling, “Quake!!”
Indeed ‘twas a chasm-
Spawned somnolent spasm:
Her beau, “call me thunder-cake Jake.”
A man always makes a mistake
When his wife he tends to forsake
For she’ll start to plan
To find a new man
For her sexual desires to slake.
The prisoner made a mistake
Asking Nerd Girl to help with his break
“Although this tastes terrific,
Shoulda been more specific –
There’s a PDF file in this cake!”
Those Fairy Tales are a mistake
Like feeding your kids too much cake
How can that old shrew
Fit those kids in a shoe?
And wolves in red capes not look fake????
The thought that she’d made a mistake
Hit a lover at climax’s quake:
“Oh, God! What a stud!
But this curdles my blood:
I’m a succubus—he’s still awake!”
That nerd girl who made a mistake
PDF file in the cake
Grabbed her computer
Then got on her scooter
And ditched the whole lot in the lake.
The following is dedicated to my grandmother, who actually did this once.
A woman had made a mistake
Ere putting a pie in to bake.
She committed one fault:
Used not sugar, but salt.
(It’ll come straight back up in a shake.)
A guy thought he’d made a mistake
When he’d changed his name, Dirk to Drake.
But gals he sure did attract
‘Twas his attitude–that’s the fact.
Drake said, “That takes the proverbial cake!”
He rarely made a mistake
Except when he went on a date
The light was so dim
She had covered her chin
To hide her adam’s apple
Prominent but sedate
A fellow had made a mistake
and found that life was a big fake
he searched for the real
and got this feel
the answers lie all hidden in strawberry cake
(just don’t take me serious…smiles)
spot on rhythm!! not everyone realises that half the joy is in almost being able to sing it!! Great !
That songbird who made a mistake
Dropped poo on a barbecue steak
The camper below
Said “You’d better go
Or you’ll trill at your own funeral wake”.
a fellow had made a mistake
and devoured the neighbor’s cake
now his wife had all she could take
and threw his all his clothes in the lake!
A woman had made a mistake
Choosing gin, of all things, to partake
Way too much and got high,
Nay, besotted, by and by.
She drove herself into the lake.
Young pup knew he’d made a mistake
Bouncing on old dog ’til he was awake
Now, suspended in air
By only neck hair
All he could do was tremble and quake.
But old dog had been dreaming
Of his youth and his scheming
To terrorize his elders and
His behavior that was out of hand.
As he held the pup he was beaming.
He set down the pup and he smiled,
“Ya know, Kid, ya got me beguiled.
You remind me of me–
I’m as proud as can be!”
The old dog wasn’t the least bit riled.
Some men shrug when they make a mistake;
Others glare and growl “Give me a break!”
Got yer cursers and whiners
And DE-fense designers,
But the fudger, well, HE takes the cake.
With a fellow there’d been a mistake
When he acted the role of the rake.
Not his fault, wrongly cast,
Did his best, didn’t last.
It was Arnold Stang for goodness’ sake!
A fellow had made a mistake
When he finished the last piece of cake.
The wife saved for later.
But his hunger grew greater
Until he partook. Now: his wake.
US rower says, “Make no mistake,
I was flaccid out there by the lake!”
He’s hard pressed to explain
What his silk shorts constrain…
Coxless Four? More like cox-eight I’d stake!
Silly athlete made a mistake
When he threw his flag into the lake
Thought that the torch
Was a light for his porch
And the weight of it all made him ache.
I swear it’s an honest mistake!
I was driving (not really awake).
You were going so slow,
I was shouting, “Let’s go!”
How was I s’posed to know you would brake?
The lim’ricker’s massive mistake:
Not the well-measured verse he did make,
But the lack of recall
Of a trifle so small
As the measure of what was at stake.
A woman had made a mistake
She was sure that her poor heart would break
She’d played a role (hard to get)
‘Stead of acting the coquette.
Her loved one said, “Jump in the lake!”
Her guy, too, had made a mistake
He thought she’d give and he’d take
No more fooling around,
Just steady sex’s what he’d found
But he learned she was quite opaque.
This fellow has made a mistake
in thinking of me as a flake
I know well of his games
and the lies that he claims
I’ll tweet of his tiny one eyed snake!
(forgive me, never really written a limerick–the whole meter thing throws me off.)
The songbird who sang a mistake
As his voice—and the windows—did break,
Said, “It’s simply not right
That I sing while in flight
Till they paint Crystal Palace opaque.”
The anesthetist made a mistake
And—you guessed it—the patient’s awake.
But it gets even worse:
The surgeon and nurse?—
One’s drunk and the other’s on break.
A fellow had made a mistake
He forgot to apply the handbrake
On his brand new Rolls Royce
And said in a loud voice
“Bugger” as it rolled in the lake
A fellow had made a mistake
That he was caught on the take
Try as he might
That he was right
The giver was the one who had faked
Hank
Dancer who made a mistake
While up on her toes in “Swan Lake”
Was let down by her tutu
Which showed me and you too
Ballerinas should not eat fruit cake.
Did a princess make the mistake
Of uttering, “Let them eat cake.”
It was not Antoinette
She preferred a baguette
And I prefer Sprinkles cupcakes!
A fellow who made a mistake,
so upset that he started to shake,
said, “That apple was yummy,
but now our plight’s crummy –
oh, why’d she believe in that snake?”
Count Dracula made a mistake
when he went on a late dinner break:
“I will pay for this later,
for I just asked he waiter
for fries and a nice bloody steak!”
A minister made a mistake
when he ordered his church a huge cake.
“The elders got woozy
as soon as a floozy
popped out with her big boobs to shake!”
Typo edit on #2:
Count Dracula made a mistake
when he went on a late dinner break:
“I will pay for this later,
for I just asked the waiter
for fries and a nice bloody steak!”
Always enjoy scrolling though and ROFLing at these, Mad. Some doozies this time.
Hehehe. I too love reading through these when i don’t have time to write one. This series is my favorite from the past month or so. :)
Shoplifter made a mistake
When she pocketed all she could take
Door guard with a frown
Said “Get your pants down!
Oh hang on these watches are fake”.
A woman had made a mistake
when a lover had promised to slake
her every desire
which didn’t transpire
to end it she opted to fake
We Australians make a mistake
When we think that “Lake Eyre” is a lake
If you go there in Summer
Oh what a bummer
Land yacht race just makes your legs ache.
A chef had decided to bake
the world’s largest black forest cake
it started as fun
but grew past a ton
it ended up filling a lake
A slight misstep, what a mistake.
It wasn’t a sprain, but a break!
There was nothing to do–
Could barely get to the loo
All she did was lie there and ache.
Marie-Antoinette DID make mistake
By saying “no bread give them cake”
‘Cos Louis fourteen
Was decidedly mean
And HE said “Non non give them Jake”
A fella had made a mistake
with the costume he opted to make
His Haloween night
was rather a fright
it fell apart leaving him nake….. ed
Mike Dailey made a mistake
With his rhymes written out like a flake
This strange repartee
With weird poe – see
Is more than poor Elaine can take.
The Captain made a mistake
It wasn’t Tennille in the lake
He said, “Lord above,
She’s got Muskrat Love,
but both of them buoys are fake”
A bluesman had made a mistake
a trip to Chicago he take
The jamming was good
and he met Elwood
but never went driving with Jake.
The bluesman who made a mistake
got a ride with The Bros by the lake
One-oh-six, half pack
Dark, sunglasses rack
The wrecked cops were causing a quake
Lucky Crocky
A postman who made a mistake
Delivered a crocodile cake
The vermin awoke
Removed his fine cloak
And happily jumped in the lake
I did forget to post these – hope it is not too late – – –
I almost made a mistake
And waited too long to partake
If it isn’t too late
And you don’t mind the wait
This writer’s block I’d like to shake
The poor fellow made a mistake
Showed up at his own bloody wake
To those there then he said
Can’t you see I’m not dead
But they all said give us a break
We knew there had been a mistake
But we wanted to have this clambake
To show how we feel
So what’s the big deal
Now who wants a big piece of cake
We knew there had been a mistake
But we wanted to have this clambake
To show how we feel
So what’s the big deal
Now who wants a big piece of cake
We knew there had been a mistake
But we wanted to have this clambake
To show how we feel
So what’s the big deal
Now who wants a big piece of cake
The windscreen was not a mistake
If the car was of English make
Here it’s called a windshield
As Ms Kane has reviled
It’s just not the English we spake
This English girl made a mistake
Reading 50 Shades on her lunch break
She told her Mum “Blimy”
This book is so slimy
It’s more than a good girl can take
For Elaine
Her buoys were not a mistake
They saved her life down at the lake
They kept her afloat
Till along came a boat
Whose Captain was now wide awake
He said now if we this Ms take
The one bobbing out on the lake
You must avert your eyes
For from what I’d surmized
She uncovered from chest to thighs
Now ladies please make no mistake
The captain – himself a beefcake
Whose whole attitude
Was there’s nothing like nude
When it comes to a bobbin cupcake
Elaine I guess you big mistake
Was too little words give or take
About undressed and buoys
Which I found annoys
And makes me compose like a flake
A love-struck man made a mistake,
took a femme out for wine and a steak.
After the sup
he invited her up
but heard, “I don’t do sausage, but cake.”
Was Mitt Romney’s slip merely mistake?
A device to make sure we’re awake?
Or was naming his pick
“The next prez” a neat trick
For a devil unleashing his snake?
Thanks so much everyone! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 74
But don’t worry! You can still have lots of limerick fun. How? A new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Explanation