The Face Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who fell on her face…*
or
A fellow who fell on his face…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
The Face Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who fell on her face
When she tripped on her wedding gown lace,
Brought a lawsuit immense.
Here’s the gown shop’s defense:
“A trip down the aisle ain’t a race.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fashion Verse, Injury Verse. Accident Poem, Lawsuit Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Wedding Gowns, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
I’d say Ann Romney fell on her face
when she tried to muster queenly grace
and called us all peasants
in our very own presence
on our way to the polling place.
A fellow who fell on his face
As he staggered around second base,
Muttered, “Man, it’s a drag
When you trip on the bag
After boasting to all of your grace.”
A fellow who fell on his face
Was considered the family disgrace.
He was heard to mutter,
As he lay in the gutter,
I feel more at home in this place.
A woman who fell on her face.
Crumbled in a heap without grace
Stiletto heels
Was a steal
Wearing it she had learnt not to race
Hank
I’m not sure I got every stress correct, but here it goes.
A woman who fell on her face.
With other poets she couldn’t keep pace,
But she did what she could,
And hoped they understood;
The web is a very big place.
A fellow who fell on his face
“Cause he just couldn’t keep up the pace
Was said to have cried
“My shoe came untied”
“Can we please just restart the race?”
A fellow who fell on his face
Drank scotch before his big race
At the end of a mile
He collapsed with a smile
Ah, the bottle he held in a loving embrace.
A woman who fell on her face
Felt ashamed of her act of disgrace
In a moment of stupor
She brought home a trooper
Saying honey my virtue I’ll gladly misplace.
A rich lady fell on her face
While holding a Ming Dynasty vase
And it broke into pieces
Like so many Reeses
So now she’s a basket case.
A masher fell on his face
After getting a eye full of mace
Said to her as he hurried
To his feet and then scurried
“Let’s pretend that this never took place”
A fellow who fell on his face
Did so to solve his case
With one simple look
He found the crook
Who strangled her lover with her shoe lace
A woman who fell on her face
Crossed the finish line last during the race
They asked for her number
She replied, “I’m no runner.
I thought that we were being chased.”
A woman who fell on her face
Suffered more public disgrace
By insistence so loud,
“You People…” crowd
Your betters for truth in a political race!
A hungry boy’s mom fell on her face
As the boy hurried, she tried to keep pace
Then her bad knee went out
And she went down with a shout
Kerplunk! with not one whit of grace.
Dress a mess, mom was now flat on her face
Exposing quite a bit of her satin and lace
Her red-faced son was appalled
“How could you? Not here at the mall!
Now can I please have a burger and shake?”
A woman who fell on her face
Was thought a dreadful disgrace
While one in a bank
Who made savings tank
Waltzed off in satin and lace.
The graduate shielded his face
From the couple’s impassioned embrace
As they sweated and thrusted
He said, quite disgusted,
“You win, Mom – I’ll get my own place.”
A woman who fell on her face,
was blocking the sole parking place.
So I used her crack,
as a bicycle rack.
The tire fit right in the space.
A smile crossed the shepherd boy’s face
As his bride dressed in nothing but lace
“I shall start a new life
With my beautiful wife
But I’ll bring a ewe, too, just in case.”
A woman who fell on her face
Popped up with style and with grace
But her heart was a-pounding–
Toward hiding she went a-bounding.
Any dignity left? Not a trace!
The sailor had fallen from grace
With the sea as he’d not kept apace
With the others who’d run
The regatta, every one
Had finished before him in the race.
Said Jack, as a smile crossed his face
“My straight flush makes me King of this place!”
Said the Queen: “My flush Royal”
(According to Hoyle)
“Means you lose – you may now kiss my Ace!”
A fellow was slapped in the face,
As he tried to secure second base.
Now red faced and sore,
With no chance to score,
He was thankful she didn’t use mace.
A woman who fell on her face
When young in a far time and place
And then on her back
In Romeo’s sack
Found love in a tragic embrace.
A fellow who fell on his face,
felt a feeling he just couldn’t place.
But the feeling was fleet.
A fink tied up his feet.
First he should have looked down on his lace.
Sorry…
A fellow who fell on his face,
was sure to be passed in the race.
So he bared his ass,
and began to pass gas.
and now he wins at his own pace.
A fellow who fell on his face
while trying to get to first base
was not as dismayed
nor his pride disarrayed
so much as his mouth full of lace.
A lady who fell on her face
Was seeking some quiet private space
She could read the newspapers
Have a fit of the vapours
And do it all at her own pace.
A fellow who fell on his face
In a fervid mad dash to first base
Had not been at bat—he
Had lost cotton candy
To a gust, left his seat, and gave chase.
A fellow who fell flat on his face
at the end of a spirited chase,
said, “Tell no one you caught me
for this falling has brought me
from glory to lowly disgrace.”
From his plate, a drunk, fallen on face,
Quipped: “This gravy’s a fine, private place.”
Some gals there, I know it,
Thought him quite the poet,
But none, I think, did him embrace.
A camper who fell on his face
When a bear from his privy gave chase
Had two cheeks in the ground
And two—white and round—
Facing up at the stars out in space.
A feller who fell on his face
While a gun-totin’ farmer gave chase
About-faced, said, “I oughter
Do right by yer daughter
‘Counta we’s done been gone to home base.”
The hacker had no interface
When the quarry to which he gave chase
Said, “No open port—
You’re just not the sort
I’d let query my sweet database.”
A climber once scaled the north face
Of a butte in whose icy embrace—
So cold and so frigid—
He went stiff AND unrigid:
‘Tween a rock and a not-so-hard place.
A woman who fell on her face
Was too drunk to acknowledge disgrace.
“What’s a lady to do”
She asked of the crew
“To get her a drink in this place.”
A woman who fell on her face
Was riding in a steeplechase.
The horse that she rode
Said, “What a fat load.
This track is a dangerous place!”
A fellow who fell on his face
Writing limericks in this goddam place
Said, “Folks have no fear.
I think I’ll lie here
Til Line 5 falls nicely in place.”
A young girl who fell on her face
Embarked on a journey to Thrace
She took some beef jerky
And some slices of Turkey
And packed it all in her suit case.
A fellow who fell on his face
After stumbling all over the place
Said “I [hic!] haabeen thinkin’
That I’d keep drinkin’
But I see [hic!] tha’d jus’ be a wase’ “
(with apologies)
Next day, when he tried to save face
Prince Rainier did his best to erase
The chambermaid’s chatter
But the truth of the matter
Was that he had fallen from Grace.
A young girl who fell on her face
Was determined to continue her chase
Of a man down the street
Who looked really sweet
But walked at a much faster pace
The Accident
A woman who fell on her face
she had been sprayed by her own mace
it wasn’t very nice
spurned own preacher’s advice
“O hear ye the Lord saved by grace”
.
Also at (Web site above is my FaceBook)
Jimmiehov6
..
Disappointment came over her face
She’d invited four men to her place
But with one twixt her lips
And two more twixt her hips
She said “Frankly, I’ve run out of space.”
To the giant, she made a stern face:
“Though you fee, fie and foe at my place,
This portfolio’s new
So whatever you do,
You’d better not fum on my case!”
I’ll try and think of something :)
A woman fell flat on her face
(Other parts, but I’ll save her some grace).
Pinning hopes on a diddle
From him who played fiddle?
Plucked by callousy hands of the bass.
A fellow once fell on his face:
Bet it all on a tip, the third race.
But a slip at the gate
Killed the edge on the straight.
Now he saves ten percent just in case.
A fellow fell flat on his face:
Nothing wild, his four eights a sure case.
But the guy to his right
Had the hand of the night;
Whence he muttered, “Damn pain in the ace.”
A woman once fell on her face
Getting dressed for the party apace.
Her troubles began
With a spritz from a can;
Not cologne, but emergency mace.
A fellow who fell on his face
was disqualified from the big race.
“All those months that I trained,”
the sad athlete explained,
“And I just didn’t tie my shoelace.”
That old ewe who fell on her face
presented a sheepish grimace.
“Tis a pity” she bleated
“My Blog is deleted
And I cannot log onto Ewe-Face”.
A fellow who spewed from his face
on the radio, was a disgrace,
as he ripped the credential
of a man presidential,
and doubted Obama’s birthplace.
My roommate fell flat on his face
in the finals, dropped out with no trace.
I studied economy
while he had astronomy –
I guess he was taking up space.
A woman who fell on her face
Found herself in rags, not lace
Her slipper was missing
And the prince she’d been kissing
Had long given up on the chase
A player once fell on his face
While diving headlong at home base.
The catcher, no chump,
Declared herself ump,
Said, “You’re out!” And he left in disgrace.
A whore moves to sit on the face
Of her far-sighted john with such grace
That the guy, whose a dentist,
Takes an interest intentest:
“Indeed, an unusual case!”
A young woman fell on her face
When a bag – snatcher gave her a chase
She got up and clobbered
That darn cheeky robber
Who then did a swift about face.
A woman who fell on her face
Avoiding her boyfriend’s embrace
Called out “Help me up dear”
But on seeing her rear
He decided to cut to the chase
a man who fell on his face
was not too quick to give up the race
again he did rise
with fire in his eyes
and went off to find a new place…
A fellow who fell on his face
While practicing marching in place
Tried motionless standing
But after crash landing
Required a full body brace.
A fellow who fell on his face
Was running the first time in a race
He was speeding too fast
And then fell again, on his ass
Tripping over his untied shoe lace
See image of Fragonard’s “The Swing”
A model who fell on her face,
From a swing, was too angry for grace.
“Damn that Fragonard guy!
Well, he swung me too high
Just so HE could paint more bits of lace!”
That whore who fell flat on her face
In a really “unusual case”
Said “I cannot get on
With a myopic John
He’sets his sights on the wrong place”.
A fellow who fell on his face
In a move toward his girl’s second base
Had quite an outstanding
And nose-first soft landing
But smothered within her embrace.
Well, I’m running totally against the time it seems this week – well behind! Yet, here goes, mine!
A woman who fell on her face
was running ‘against the time’ race
She tripped over first obstacle
making a great spectacle
Ultimately failing to keep her grace.
A woman who fell on her face
was unable to keep up the pace.
Not following latest trends
has lost all her cool friends,
for wearing the curtain lace.
An astronaut fell on his face
As he stepped out, returning from space.
It felt as though gravity
Dug some sort of cavity
Just to trip him. “News” filmed his disgrace.
A fellow who fell on his face
Would have undergone far less disgrace
‘Midst commuter-rush throng
If his garter and thong
Hadn’t spilled from his attaché case.
A clock fell hard on it’s face.
So the numbers were all out of place.
3 and 12 were shocked
‘Cause 6 and 9 were locked
In a passionate and sexy embrace.
A woman did sit on his face
To test his cunnilingual grace.
Some oral pleasure she needed.
With skill she was treated
To a scenario most certainly best case.
A scholar who fell on her face
Forestalled further falling from grace:
She “Me miseram!”cried,
After which she took pride
In her grasp of accusative case.
The Nose Knows
A woman who fell on her face
Set highly paid lawyers to chase
Though it’s true she was phoning
while driving, she’s moaning,
“My nose job the docs must replace.”
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
“The Man Who Fell Flat on his Face”
May sound like a Sherlock Holmes’ case.
In fact it’s just Watson
Who, trying new spats on,
Forgot to tie up his shoelace!
Athlete who fell on his face,
has completely lost the pace.
Stumbling, balance lost
Sent him flying into the post
Failed him to qualify for Olympic race.
A Diner fell flat on his face
While folding his hands to say Grace
He fell with a splash
Into bangers and mash
Peas and gravy all over the place.
A fellow who fell on his face
Was puzzled ’cause he’s such an “Ace?”
But she caught him once cheating,
Now he’s alone “beating…”
It seems he has falled from grace.
A churchgoer fell on her face
But her prayers were rewarded with grace:
When her knees and her nose
And the ground came to blows
Her ass flew to a loftier place.
A girl who fell flat on her face
As she rushed down the the stairs to embrace
The one she had missed.
She grabbed him and kissed
Her lost kitten, now back in its place.
He scratched at her now flattened face,
Struggled out of that cloying embrace,
Turned his nose up at dinner,
That fish she’d thought winner.
She wailed, “There’s a CAT in Kit’s place!
Nostradamus fell flat on his face
As he gazed thru his scope into space
“The way the cards fall
There is no fun at all
This earth is a miserable place”.
A streaker fell flat on his face
And stumbled back home in disgrace
His “Wiki” was black
From his unscheduled stack
So now he’s a pain in the “Ace”.
Mister Romney fell flat on his face;
At discretion, he’s clearly no ace.
For an encore, smooth Mitt
Plans to bitch slap a Brit
Shouting “Bugger off, Ann’s armed with mace!”
Since “A woman who fell on her face”
Is a first line, it’s hard to embrace
As a place to begin.
(This is limerick sin.)
One should start with a last line in place.
May Monsanto fall flat on its face
Trying to merge in its corporate greed race
Coz word is well out
And consumers, no doubt,
Will choose goods from a local farmplace
Though he did not fall flat on his face
As first man on the moon up in space
Armstrong make a slight slip
‘Twas his tongue that did trip
Yet his quote still holds fire under grace.
Hey Mad!
The first version of this lim that I posted isn’t formatted correctly (looked fine at 2:30 in the morning). If you would use the following instead, I’d be grateful.
Thanks, Konrad
The woman, who fell on her face
as she clumsily tried to embrace
the one guy in the garden,
did not get a pardon.
She’d none of her God’s saving grace.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 72.
But you can still have limerick fun because I’ve just posted a new Limerick-Off: Flashy Limerick.