Limerick Doubt (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was never in doubt…*
or
A gal who was never in doubt…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Doubt
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chef who was never in doubt,
When challenged would glower and shout.
To the slightest critique,
He’d respond with great pique.
But the fellow could sure dish it out.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chef Humor, Criticism Humor, Critics Humor, Food Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Self-Doubt, Writing Prompts
When young she was never in doubt
About getting a surgical pout.
Now with lips like a fish
This actress’s wish
Is not to ressemble a trout.
A man who was never in doubt
Of what fine eating was about
Said “Life would be finer
For the discerning diner,
If we were rid Brussels Sprouts”.
A man, wanting remove all doubt,
Used condoms, like a well-prepared Scout.
But the power of the thrust
Caused it to bust
And left her with one up the spout.
A man who was never in doubt
Could find prey like an Indian scout
His quarry was women
And soon he was swimmin’
In a bevy whose dreams he would flout.
A gal who was never in doubt
Had a body about which she’d shout.
Come see me some time
And if you bring the wine
I’ll make you my love slave devout.
A gal who was never in doubt,
A spunky young tomboy named Scout
She rolled in a tire,
Her status was dire,
“Hey Boo, won’t you please help me out?”
A man who was never in doubt,
Though married, he’d have to branch out,
Did not know his wife
Was sharp with the knife
Thus ending his bent to put out.
The outcome was never in doubt,
He’d wed me because of my clout.
“‘Til some bimbo’s mama
Had ties to Obama.
He married the bimbo, the lout!
She cried for attention, no doubt.
“I’ve triple-D bosoms!” she’d tout.
Her statement held water
“Til somebody caught her
Inflating her chest with a spout!
The shy gal was always in doubt
She had absolutely no clout
Her whisp’ry voice? Never heard!
She was very much the nerd.
A “carpenter’s friend” with bad gout.
A man who was never in doubt
Slapped his dog in the snout.
Fido had enough
And really got rough
Now he knows what a unic is all about.
The shy guy was never in doubt
As to whether to stay in or go out
“The result’s just the same
‘Cuz I can’t play the game!
So I’ll sit here at home and I’ll pout.”
Shy gal and shy guy left no doubt–
A dead end on their lives’ route!
Had they taken a chance
On the Valentine’s Dance
True love could be what they were about.
A man who is never in doubt,
is a man we can all live without.
Because he’ll refuse
to see other views,
and learn what real life is about.
A gal who was never in doubt
said “limericks are hard on my gout.
I simply cant rhyme ’em,
so sad I cant try ’em.
I’m afraid you must just count me out.”
Hee hee! (just kidding!)
A gal who was never in doubt,
loved a man ugly and stout.
His greatest appeal?
He cooked a good meal,
and for dessert liked to eat out.
A dentist was never in doubt
Of whether to pull a tooth out.
“I yank ’em and thank ’em,
And then I bank ’em;
There’s 31 more I can rout!”
To celebrate Bloomsday, no doubt,
Many toasted “Ulysses” with stout.
Did downing a pint or three
Lead to epiphany
Or rather a Dublin-style rout?
A man who was tortured by doubt
Joined a cult and became quite devout.
He gave them his money,
Ate raw eggs with honey
And worshipped a virginal trout.
A chef who was always in doubt
Saw a goat run away with his krout.
His sue chef said sir –
It was Tony Blair
Who was holding the rope of that lout.
Lennon was never in doubt
To the Queen he played “Twist And Shout”
Amidst his tomfoolery
he suggested her jewelry
was useful if rattled about!
A man who was never in doubt
of his prowess in bed and about
A lass made a wish
That he’d teach her to fish
He said, “In my pants there’s a trout!”
I never had much of a doubt
A reprise I warned you about
The songbird of breeze
is back in the trees
and casting his melodies out
A fella was never in doubt
In fact he somewhat devout
He spoke to a pigeon
about his religion
and Birdism thus came about
That songbird without any doubt
Has avoided a very big clout
He gives us the thrill
Of the “Mockingbird trill”
And hopes that his mates are about.
The closed-minded guy we sniff all too bloody often. The lips trout & trout in pants are a riot. We like funny here.
Thanx, zee 6/17/12
A gal who was never in doubt
About anything often would spout
Her forceful opinions
To stupefied minions
Who avidly craved verbal drought.
That pigeon never in doubt
Knew the scriptures inside and out
He puffed up his breast
And said “Sunday’s for rest
But Monday’s for pub and your shout”
A gal who was never in doubt
Wasn’t someone who would shout
Composed, sure and happy
There was no reason for her to be snappy
She just pranced and danced about.
A man who was never in doubt
Never questioned what life’s about
Until, in the sea, he saw this girl
that sent his thoughts a-swirl
when he saw her become a trout
The voice of insidious doubt
led to an historic rout
in hopes of a win
I sought out a djinn
but no one had seen one about
A blonde was once filled with doubt,
As to what reading a book was about.
When told she would find
It would broaden her mind,
Asked if her breasts would also spread out.
The songbird, you never should doubt,
was casting his music about
He amused a nation
when his syncopation
went into a genre and out!
A man who was never in doubt
of the relative merits of grout
“My caulk”, he would cackle
“is better than spackle
but this stuff can also cure gout!”
The songbird I never did doubt
Of genres went in and then out
The cause was his tweeter
Which was always much sweeter
Whenever he loosened the spout.
That pigeon never in doubt
Of sickness was getting a bout
He prayed to St Peter
To come fix his tweeter
To stop his sweet voice burning out.
I too thought Kathy’s trout limerick was funny as hell. She is very good.
Here’s mine:
Up for Air … or Up for Grabs?
Thanks for the limerick prompt!
And, Mad, you might like my brand-new blog. Just getting rolling. It’s called Delightfully Amiss: Berserkians Gone Amok. On Blogspot.com. Finding fodder nearly everywhere, as you can imagine! ;-)
A man who was never in doubt
In regards to things salmon and trout,
Knew exactly which bait
Would get fish on his plate.
(Though the taste of the fish grossed him out.)
A gal who was never in doubt
That her husband did not know the route,
said, “My dear, why don’t we go
Let go of this ego
And ask for directions, ya lout!”
A gal was never in doubt
but now is starting to pout
Her assets you see
through pure gravity
have made her whole outlook go sout.
(Best spoken in Brooklynese)
A man who was riddled with doubt
Had trouble surviving without
The answers to these:
First, who cut the cheese?
And second, who let the dogs out?
A gal who was never in doubt
Of what birds and the bees were about
Thought the schools too didactic.
Example: their tactic
Of free prophylactic handout.
A dancer was never in doubt
of what it was all about.
His left foot put in,
he said with a grin,
“This is where I take the foot out!”
Yes, I am sad to say… a Hokey Pokey limerick
from Patience:
A man who was never in doubt
that his partner might ever walk out,
saw the serpent with apple
how with Eve he did grapple,
and her pair she was ready to flout.
and the Prodigal:
A gal who was never in doubt
that her knickers would ever wear out,
Said “they’re made from mild steel,
with a Chubbs safety seal,
and the lock is installed inside out!
A nun who was never in doubt
that she counted among the devout
has to eat humble pie
when they learned of her lie:
pilfered bottles of Guinesses Stout.
A man who was never in doubt
Enjoyed many a sexual bout
With his twelve girlfriends—
Sans vas deferens—
He thanked God that the doc took them out.
A man, who was never in doubt,
Said, “I like all my women quite stout!
“For there’s much more to love,
“Yes, they fit like a glove,
“And they’re rather less likely to pout.”
—
A man, who was seldom in doubt,
Thought his member looked more like a snout.
But ‘twas no disadvantage
In hay or in cabbage,
And a wonder when sniffing about.
—
A man who was often in doubt,
Built himself a gigantic redoubt.
But his partner was “out-able”
And more so redoubtable,
So that’s how his story turned out.
A man who was never in doubt
As to what this old world is about
Said, “Listen, my son
To Rule Number One
Only money provides you with clout”
A man who was never in doubt
most often would speak in a shout.
It didn’t take long
to decide he was wrong
and neglected to think it all out.
A man who was never in doubt
And he went with quite a wallop
God’s gift he would boast
To women that he loathed
Just a lot of hot air but for the flout
A dancer always in doubt
Left foot in that should have been out
Far too much hokey
And not enough pokey
A tumble and then a big shout.
Said a man who was never in doubt
Of water that came from a spout,
“I know that a lot’ll
Get spilled from a bottle
And to pay for it also? That’s out!
Philosopher always in doubt
Are we here or has thinking gone out?
Descartes, Leibniz and Locke
Is it all so much cock
So what is life really about????
A fellow was never in doubt
Of his hatred for all sauerkraut.
Whether cooked or served raw
In a deli cole slaw,
I’d say just one thing, “Throw it out!”
A Lim’ricker, never in doubt
That this week, his verse would win out,
Reached the end of line 3
bUT THEN ACCIDENT’LY
hIT CAPS LOCK AND WAS TOLD NOT TO SHOUT. :(
A young man never in doubt
Wore his underwear turned inside out
As long as his jocks
Teemed up with his socks
He felt dressed enough to go out.
A young lady without any doubt
All work dress regulations would flout
Till one day a cop
Said glaring at her top
“You can’t let those two girls hang out”
A fellow was never in doubt
Of the fact he was stylishly stout
Excepting, alas,
For his very fat ass
And his waist and his legs and his snout.
Though my rhyming is never in doubt
All my limericks she’ll tend to flout
But as Madeleine knows
It’s tougher than prose
Which can be penned by any old lout.
Hello.
Been a while since I visited, but when I do, I always linger for my fill of laughs!
Thanks for sharing.
Love The Enchantress Flower
Now the banks just were never in doubt.
They were smarter and so they did flout
Regs to keep their banks healthy,
As bosses got wealthy,
Then were pleased to be fully bailed out.
Elections this Fall are in doubt
’cause Super PACs wield too much clout
They’re spending like sin
So their guy will win
I’d rather we threw those bums out.
Because, as of now, there’s no doubt
That money can drown our voice out.
‘though I hate to preach
That isn’t free speech
It’s pricey and more like a shout.
Clairvoyant never in doubt
That all her predictions came out
In the future would delve
All ends twenty twelve
If it doesn’t we’ll still be about.
George Martin was briefly in doubt
When Lennon performed “Twist and Shout”
That his voice would desert him
But although it hurt him
John totally rocked the song out.
See “The Beatles’ version” at Twist And Shout
Oops, was trying to create a link but discovered the missing link instead ;(
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed your link, using HTML code. (I think you were using Wikipedia-style code.)
Thanks, Madeleine! I had a feeling you’d save me :)
My daughter is never in doubt
That her wit gives her license to spout,
So straight-faced I lead
Lest I laugh, thus concede
Clever comebacks can supersede clout.
A man who was never in doubt
Would pound on his bible and shout
“If the Lord walked today
He would punish the gay”
Then his elderly mother came out
A young woman who hadn’t a doubt,
Thought her date would, as promised, pull out.
Now she wishes she’d quibbled
When he mumbled, “Oops– dribbled”.
She’s had twins and he’s vanished– the lout!
A housewife never in doubt
Watches TV day in and day out
She only survives
On “Days of our Lives”
And what Victor Newman’s about.
A man who was never in doubt
That he could psych anyone out
Was just a bit leery
When he psyched out his Dearie.
Screamed she,”You insensitive lout!”
A man who was never in doubt
left his wife with a permanent pout.
Every secret he’d share,
and cute tips (like you care!)
on the things he knew nothing about.
A man who was never in doubt,
Of his fervor and member both stout,
Could woo any lady,
And drive her just crazy,
Resulting in shout after shout.
Indianans seem ever in doubt,
Speaking French, to respect or to flout.
For example, a Hoosier
Will mutilate “du jour”
But say “Terre Hōte” and not “Howt.”
A man who was subject to doubt
As to whether or not he should tout
His every good deed
Decided that he’d
Adhere to the humbler route.
Said a man who knew all about doubt,
“Doubt is something I know all about.
When you doubt, you will pout
And have no joy to shout;
So I do hope your doubt will run out.”
A flautist was never in doubt
About her intention to flout
The major convention
Of tonal ascension
Her teacher had taught her about.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 67.
But you can still have limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Airs.