Sun-Tanned Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal with a very deep tan…*
or
A guy with a very deep tan…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Sun-Tanned Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal with a very deep tan
Was hoping to pick up a man.
But the guys got one look,
And that’s all that it took:
Wrinkled skin made her look like their gran.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: July 3rd is Stay Out Of The Sun Day.
Tags: Aging Humor & Verse, Appearance Humor, Battle of the Sexes, July Holidays, Limerick Contest, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Skin Damage, Stay Out Of The Sun Day, Sun Bathing Humor, Sun Tan Limerick, Wrinkles Poem, Writing Prompts
A gal with a very deep tan
got arrested (not part of her plan).
Well, here’s what she did:
She sunburned her kid.
She even makes Boehner look wan.
(I know, I know. I took liberties with the rhyme.)
A guy with a very deep tan
was mistaken for a black man
Those who didn’t look twice
did not treat him nice
This kind of shit we should ban.
A guy with a very deep tan
Was grabbed by a group from the klan;
To avoid their foul means
He dropped down his jeans
And showed them the colour he began.
A girl with a very deep tan
Had sex with a deeply tanned man.
Far out on the ocean,
Their Brownian motion,
Sadly sank their catamaran.
A white gal with too deep a tan,
delusional, touted her plan:
“My fave tanning booth
is a fountain of youth.”
Nope. She’s the color of carmel on flan.
A guy with a very deep tan
That he wasn’t born with, he can
Be a con-man, a crook
Who can flirt with one look,
And I’ll stay away from that man.
A gal with a very deep tan
was determined to catch her a man.
One who looked from within,
and saw more than her skin.
Not like all of the others who ran.
A guy with a very deep tan,
Got blown up in East Afghanistan.
“I love Allah,” he said,
As he gurgled and bled,
“But jihadists? Not much of a fan.”
A gal with a very deep tan,
Tried to pass herself off as a flan.
“I’m all eggy and sweet,”
She cried, off’ring a teat,
But most people who saw her just ran.
A gal with a very deep tan
Once onto a nudist beach ran,
Though she stripped, they were rude
Saying, ‘You should be nude,
And your white bikini we ban!’
A gal with a very deep tan
Fell asleep in the sun with a man,
His hand, as outlined,
Was clearly defined
Inside where bikini line ran!
A gal with a very deep tan
Developed a steamy hot plan.
She pretended to doze,
While nude in repose,
Although fried, she at last lured her a man.
A gal with a very deep tan
Was hatching a very slick plan
While basking her body
She attracted some “toddy”
And ended up getting her man.
A gal with a very deep tan
Spent a month in the sun in Bhutan
The woman was foaming
“This isn’t Wyoming?
“I thought I was out in Cheyenne!”
All very clever; will come back Madeleine. K.
A gal with a very deep tan
Just wouldn’t come out of the can
‘Twas the bikini, you see,
All you’d see was just she!
So she slipped from the can to the van.
A guy with a very deep “tan”
Was voted our Democrat “first man.”
As if that weren’t enough
When he struts his prez stuff
It resembles the Republican plan!
A man with a fairly dark tan
Had big plans for his date with Diane.
But as she posed demurely
He, quite prematurely,
Was finished before he began.
Whoa! Somehow my comment ended up on the wrong post. Weird!
Anyway, this reminded me of that “tanning bed mom.”
A guy with a very deep tan
A perpetual one- and a suave man
Acting is his game
George is his first name
His last name should be spelled ‘HamilTAN’
A girl with a very deep tan
Went on a trip to Japan
She was robbed by a crook
Who all her clothes took
So she hid her deep tan with her fan.
A girl with a very deep tan
Wanted to learn the can can
She said “there’s a chance
I’ll be good at this dance
If I want to do can can I can.
A gal with a very deep tan
Developed an ingenious plan
To get rid of tan lines
So now she declines
To wear aught but a pair of Ray-Bans.
So I have a fairly good tan
And write lim’ricks whenever I can
But if I send this in
I’m quite sure it won’t win
‘Cause I’m never as clever as Kitty Ditty.
A gal with a very deep tan
Had to go to the can
She waited in line
As a kid about nine
Asked why she wasn’t using that of a man
A guy with a very deep tan
Was born to a dark skinned clan.
They made fun of his skin.
He was pale as a Finn,
So he became a tanning bed fan.
A gal with a very deep tan
Cruised the beaches so all men could scan
Her body’s delights
Which caused many nights
Of cold showers for guys with no plan.
A man with a very deep tan,
played in the Garden and ran,
in his birthday suit,
‘til Eve ate the fruit,
and brought about the fall of Man.
My breakfast’s a cold black and tan
Along with a good dose of bran.
The meal makes me happy,
Keeps bathroom time snappy
And that is exactly my plan.
I wrote mine before I read yours, Madeleine. Great minds?
A gal with a very deep tan
Cooked herself to a turn for a man.
He took a proper good look,
Said “overdone in my book,
Dried up and tough, like my Gran.”
My freckle-faced girl can’t get tan
So she sits in the shade with a fan
She finally learned
That she’d only get burned
She’s a ginger, she’s not Mary Ann
A gal with a very deep tan,
she purchased from out of a can,
sprayed her inner thighs,
it got in my eyes,
and down both of my cheeks it ran.
A man with a very deep tan,
Spent all his time on the LAN
He browsed up some dirt
On a fellow named Bert
Whom he said was a dirty old man.
Here’s the tale of D’Shan, who was tan
And the white gal whose name was Joanne:
Seems her new Honda Fit
Caused some serious shit
On the day that her Fit hit D’Shan.
A gal with a very deep tan
Ate nothing but oatmeal and bran.
She tie-died her clothing
And felt a strong loathing
For food that came out of a can.
A gal with a very deep tan
Was itching to marry a man
Who’d cook, clean and launder,
Who never would wander
But be her unwavering fan.
A guy had a very deep tan
From standing in bogs filled with cran-
Berries ready for gathering.
Folks would be slathering
Jelly they bought from this man.
A man with a very deep tan
Fell off of his catamaran.
The ocean eroded
His spray tan – outmoded
Soon after the custom began.
A guy, nude with a very deep tan,
Strutted his “stuff” at the beachfront in Cannes.
The French girls laughed and exclaimed,
“Ah, monsieur, what you need is a brain!
Les femmes like some sense in a man.”
A WASP with a very deep tan
Decided to hide in the van.
While driving down South,
He had heard word of mouth,
That each state was still crawling with Klan.
A star with a very dark tan,
Made her way to the festival Cannes.
Having nothing to hide
She hoped this played wide:
Naked clips with her new leading man.
A gal with a very nice tan,
Applied her unnatural plan,
Avoiding the sun,
She tanned on the run,
With chemicals sprayed from a can.
A gal with a very deep tan
Was packing to visit Japan.
“I’ll bring my white makeup;
Kabuki I’ll shake up
By wearing the scantiest fan.”
Dianne with a very deep tan
Fishing in the nude in Ketchikan
Salmon swimming upstream
Were letting out a scream
Catch-if-you-can Dianne
A guy with a very deep tan
Was homeless and lived in his van.
When trouble came knocking
He set his van rocking
By butting the sides with his can.
Said a gal with a very deep tan,
“I’ll develop it in the Sudan.”
Her sun worship diverted
when instead, she converted –
in a burka, she reads the Quran.
A gal with a very deep tan
Was trying to learn the can-can.
The jumps made her sweaty;
She stank like a yeti
Until she administered ban®.
A gal with a very deep tan
got her brown from an aerosol can.
She got caught in the rain
and it ran down the drain
now she looks like a piece of rattan.
A gal with a very deep tan
entered contests, with winning her plan,
saying, “You’ll all go down,
‘cos I am the most brown!”
But she lost to KIm Kardashi-an.
A guy with a very deep tan
tried out to be Marlboro’s man.
But, because of his cough,
his name was crossed off,
and that was the end of his plan.
That’s a funny one! As a sun worshiper, I take this as a cautionary tale!
A guy with a very deep tan
Ate cheese for its L-Tryptophan
To assist with his sleeping.
It worked; he woke weeping
From crashing on splintered rattan.
A guy with a very deep tan,
Was showing off his muscles to Anne.
He thought he had scored,
When she yawned, said, “I’m bored.
Don’t you see? I’m a lesbian.” He ran.
:D
Wrinkled skin… such a turn on…LOL
a young daughter was taken to tan
at a salon with a monthly pay plan
as the girl took her turn
she sustained quite a burn
now mom could spend time in the state can
for a pic of tan mom see:
tanorexic limerick
A guy with a very deep tan
Went out with a tootsie named Fran
He said “See my back
Is very near black
And I’ll show you the front when I can”
A gal with a very deep tan
was feeling blue, was feeling bland
then along came a boy
that filled her with joy
when he built her a castle out of the sand
A guy with a very deep tan
Made a pet of a giant Toucan
He said to the bird
Ir’s really absurd
To ask whether a toucan can tan.
Met a blonde in a bar with a tan;
As we danced, she purred “I’m Maryanne.”
But the bar’s in Key West
So the rest you’ll have guessed:
That my tan Maryanne was a man.
A guy with a very deep tan
Was courting a beauty named Anne
But the lady decided
If his color subsided
He’d just be flash in the pan
A man with an all-over tan, sir,
Demanded a medical answer:
“Is this lump on my rump
a benign little bump,
or is it a kind of a cancer?”
A gal with a very deep tan,
Was mistaken, it seems, for a man.
Though her voice was quite high
They would say “What a guy!”
And she ended up being called Stan!
A gal with not much of a tan
Had comical dreams where she ran
Through caramel fountains
And mud-covered mountains
But then she awoke spic and span.
A gal with a very deep tan
Constantly confounded her clan
Of old red-haired scots
Who’d not seen a lot
Of the world outside of Oban
A guy with a very deep tan
Met up with a lady named Jan
He said “Though I’m biscuit
Do you think you can risk it
Making love with a very tan man ?”
A guy thought his very deep tan
Gave the air of a gingerbread man:
“Looking orange and sweet
Has my boner rap beat
No one’s biting? Then TEARS are the plan!”
A gal with a very deep tan
Had plans for attracting a man
But too much sun-laying
And she wound up playing
Burnt umber in a Crayola clan
A guy with a muscular tan
Lived life with a boisterous elan.
A girl on each arm
He’d emanate charm
But lacked any firm long-term plan.
A guy with a very deep tan
Naked through a museum, he ran
Lost his inhibitions
HE’S the exhibition
Posing now, as a bronze statued man.
A guy with a very deep tan
Caught his tie on a new celing fan
Such a costly mistake
‘Cause his colour was fake
He spray painted the walls as he span
A gal longing for a deep tan,
skipping sunblock was her bright plan.
Now she’s layed up for weeks,
rudely dubbed “Fire Cheeks”
Super red burns now gracing her can!
A gal with a very deep tan
Looked for the same in a man
When he answered her ad,
The news was quite sad,
She burned up and her ashes were canned.
———————————-
A guy with a very deep tan
Thought he was the King of Siam
His friends thought him mad
When they saw him clad
In a robe reading, Siam I am.
——————————-
A gal with a very deep tan
Was picked up by a psychotic man
When she creamed, NO
He stabbed her big toe
The case was assigned to Charlie Chan.
A gal with a very deep tan
Had a different last testament plan
Since her skin just like leather
Would hold out all weather
It was left to a tent making man
from Patience;
A girl with a very deep tan
met Barrack, a hell of a man.
He said “your colour’s clever,
but mine lasts forever,
I better stay clear of the Clan”.
and the Prodigal;
A guy with a very deep tan,
Got splashed from a hot frying pan,
With his polka dot face,
He’s now a disgrace,
Playing clown for the Shah of Iran.
from Patience;
Aguy with a very deep tan
Ate baked beans from a five gallon can,
Red face was ferocious,
The smell was atrocious,
Bring on that high-powered fan.
An actor with very deep tan
One who wore his dark skin with elan
When asked by a fellow
If he’d play Othello
Cried, “There’s nothing I’d rather do than!”
A gal who could never get tan
Fell prey to a con artist’s plan
To darken her skin tone
If she would remain prone
And let him rub oil on her can.
A guy with a very deep tan
Is quite a mathematical man
In calculus and trig
He is very big
B Cos it’s a Sine that he’s Tan.
A guy with a transient tan
Stood close to the stove and began
To fry up some bacon
But he had mistaken
His skin for the flesh in the pan.
Marie had a savory tan
The color of caramel flan.
A fellow named Victor
Once blatantly licked her
And now he’s a sad tongue-lashed man.
A guy with a very deep tan
Made his home on the beach in his van.
“I think ‘twould be heaven
To surf twentyfour-seven
And if any man can, I’m the man!”
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 61.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun. How? I’ve already post a new Limerick-Off which you can find right here: Overpriced Limerick