A Knack For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal had a notable knack…*
or
A man had a notable knack…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Knack For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal had a notable knack
For getting folks right back on track.
She’d force them to focus
No matter their locus,
Though her whack method took them aback.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Knack Limerick, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Talent Humor, Writing Prompts
A gal had a notable knack
for putting her back out of whack
so she took up Tai Chi
and now she’s pain-free
and hears nary a crack from her back
A man had a notable knack
Of leading the girls to the sack.
It wasn’t his finesse
That made them undress
But the fact he was hung like a Yak.
A gal had a notable knack
Acting as if being taken aback
For instead of her eyes
Men noticed her size
As she flaunted what’s called ‘a great stack’
A girl had a notable knack
Of ending the night on her back.
“I’ve thought about stopping
But it pays for the shopping
And my account is well in the black.”
A man had a notable knack
Of endlessly praising his Mac.
When he refused calls to cease
He was covered in grease
And dropped off a pier in a sack.
A girl had a notable knack
Of pushing her nose through a crack
In the door to be spying
If hubby was lying
And how he was hitting the sack.
A gal had a notable knack
For causing young men flack.
She’d act all silly
Until out came wee willy
Now a part the young men lack
A man had a notable knack
To call ducks with a risible quack
He fired away
In the bushes one day
And sprayed the judge square in the back.
A man had a notable knack
To spray ducks with considerable flack
He got tipsy by noon
Shot only a loon
On scotch before noon he’d cut back.
A gal had a notable knack
To tease men with her sizable rack
“Don’t touch,” her voice stern
Papa’s soon to return
But I’ll meet you tonight in the shack.
A man had a notable knack
For making his knuckle-joints crack,
Till he popped (for more thrills)
Nitroglycerine pills.
You can tell where he lived: there’s a plaque.
A sports groupie had quite the knack
For coaxing large men to the sack.
She would constantly figger
How to find someone bigger,
‘Til the night that she shacked up with Shaq.
My friend, you’ve a notable knack
For making folks take a step back.
It appears that your breath
Is a fate worse than death –
May I gently suggest a Tic Tac®?
A man had a notable knack
Of always avoiding the flack
Till one day his wife
said “You are in strife
Get out and never come back”
A gal had a noticeable knack
Not to mention a sizable rack
Those two perky twins
Brought her many wins
For which she never came under attack
A gal had a notable knack
Of licking her lips with a smack
Men bearing smiles
Responded from miles
Each ready to serve her a snack.
A gal had a notable knack,
For ruining his mood in the sack.
Although he would fight it,
She’d first get him excited,
Then chill him with her yack attack.
A fellow who had a great knack
For sprouting much hair on his back
Became nicknamed ‘The Bear’
Which made him try Nair
He now loves his new nickname, ‘Bareback’
A guy had a notable knack
For being called only a hack
‘Til he switched from crime,
Turned to sex just in time
Now he’s No. 1, in paperback.
Said the man with a notable knack
For keeping his marriage on track,
“I keep things legato
With one simple motto:
“Divides can be licked in the sack.”
A guy had a notable knack
For invention – they called him a quack.
But Marty McFly
Became friends with the guy,
Now he wants his Delorean back.
Dear John, you’ve a notable knack
For selecting a line of attack
Based on weaknesses shared
In good faith while we paired.
So kiss off — you’ve been given the sack.
A wolf had a notable knack
For trying to scratch his own back.
His frantic contortions
Were lupine distortions
Amusing the rest of his pack.
A gal had a notable knack
That KFC plate for a snack
Forgot her purse
Hunger and thirst
Dodged her for some while yet
Hank
A man had a notable knack
For stabbing his friends in the back;
They returned the affront
(You may think this too blunt)
With an “Ass of the Year” inscribed plaque.
A gal had a notable knack
of serving drinks off her rack.
One day she cried,
“I feel like I’ve died.
My serving platform’s gone slack.”
A Man had a notable knack
of running and not coming back
when asked “was he phobic”
He said slightly aerobic
And that means I have to change tack
Moo Crimes
A guy had a notable knack
For stealing himself a milk snack.
He dressed like a cow
And crawled out with a wow –
An udderly simple sneak attack
A Man had a notable knack
for stealing his coworkers snacks
Until a little gal came by
clearly catching this bully’s eye
To which she said, sorry, it’s a heart you lack
A gal had a notable knack
for serving strong words like a snack
at each time of the day
let them tumble and sway
on the sky like a black pirate’s flag
A gal had a notable knack
for popping her boobs so whack
Guys looked and said wow!
What an unholy cow
Not getting her in the sack!
A man had a notable knack
Of eating his lunch off his back
He said “What the heck
If I’m cricking my neck
And the crumbs all get lodged in my crack”.
A man had a notable knack
Of getting girls into the sack
Not romance but a trap
Chloroform and burlap
Then he carried them back to his shack
A Gal had a notable knack
Of getting her fingers to crack
The sound was disturbing
Her fingers were curving
But jaw was noticeably slack
A gal had a notable knack
Of paying her bills she was slack
When a payment came due
To America she flew
To this day she has never come back
A gal had a notable knack
For dressing herself up in black
She said it was slimming
While her fat was brimming
And so she continued to snack
I think that I’m going to start employing the whack method!
A man had a notable knack,
of cramming the kids in the back,
of the car for vacation,
and tie his Dalmatian,
up on the damned luggage rack.
A man had a notable knack,
of proving that he was a hack.
I’m sure many times,
when Mad read my rhymes,
she wondered if I’m smoking crack.
A man had a notable knack,
Could lift hundreds of pounds at a whack.
He’d been strong all his life,
Then he picked up his wife.
Oof! That’s when he threw out his back.
A man had a notable knack
for slamming down gallons of Jack.
He smelled like a still
So when he would chill
His wife kept on giving him flack
A man with a notable knack
For making an arch of his back,
Said, “This feat to enhance
I once took off my pants,
But got used as a bicycle rack.”
A girl had a notable knack
Of looking quite sexy in black
She showed off her curves
To dirty old pervs
And took a few bob out the back.
A man had a notable knack
To keep his hedge fund in the black
“This old Ponzi scheme
Is really a dream
You take but you never give back!”
A gal had a notable knack
For earning her cash on her back,
But please do not panic –
She was a mechanic,
And it was not done in the sack.
A priest had a notable knack
For wandering right off the track;
His sermons so boring
Had everyone snoring,
And few of them ever came back.
As your parents, we know of your knack
For strange fashion and cut you some slack
But this has to stop
You’ve gone over the top
And your mom wants her underwear back.
A man had a notable knack
for catching fly balls in his crack.
Though poor with his hands,
he made many fans
in center field, facing the back.
A gal had a notable knack
For collection of quaint bric a brac
She said “What is this pot?
It must be a piss pot
I’ll fill it and send it right back”.
A man had a notable knack
for observing and narrating back.
Perambulatory,
he typed up his story
and wound up as Jack Kerouac.
Nell had a notable knack
for getting herself tied to the track
Snidely Whiplash
would leave with the cash
while Dudley took Nell to the sack.
A man had a notable knack
for inflicting a quick heart attack:
he’d approach from the rear,
then yell in your ear,
and he looked like a fucking sleestak!
A man had a notable knack
for annihilating all his plaque
he’d brush, floss and rinse
till the pain made him wince
but his hygienist gave him no flack
A gal had a notable knack
for raking in dough on her back
she would no sooner rise
wipe the sleep from her eyes
then this jill hit the sack with her jack
A gal had a notable knack
for drawing men’s eyes to her rack
but when she desired
to be less admired
she just up and let ’em go slack
A gal had a notable knack
for stealing her friends’ bric-a-brac
a knick-knack or treasure
she’d pilfer at leisure
and pack it away in her sack
A man had a notable knack
for stirring up trouble and flack
he picked the wrong brood
now his antics are viewed
on YouTube’s “When Gerbils Attack”
A man had a notable knack
for cheesemaking, specially jack
his Brie though delicious
made people suspicious
and somewhat reluctant to snack
Mad, your limerick speaks to me. I worked for many years as a trainer. One man in a class asked me if I’d ever been a teacher. I told him no, ane he replied, “Oh. My wife was a teacher, and something about you reminds me of her. I think it’s implied whip.” :-)
A gal had a notable knack
for being real good in the sack,
but one guy she invited
could not get excited,
so she decided to cut him some slack.
A vet had a notable knack
for nursing sick waterfowl back
to good health, but some cynic
said, “Been to his clinic,
and you know what? I think he’s a quack!”
A gal had a notable knack
for disposing of guys she had fack
Her bedroom floor
had a trap door
The left with a thud and a clack
A man had a notable knack
for whacking his dog on the back
His dog’s name was Paddy
(“A smooth bone please, Daddy?”)
“So here’s a slick snack, Paddy”… whack!
Hi Mad, thanks for commenting on my final poem of the month. I appreciate it. However, I cannot write limericks, but I enjoy reading them.
Pamela
A gal had a notable knack,
for enticing bikers to the sack.
But her man didn’t care,
he had his own an affair,
with a big Washington lumberjack.
a man had a notable knack
fer’ gettin what he wants in the sack
a little blue pill
cured his limp ill
but did nothing for his bad back
A gal had a notable knack
for saying there’s nothing I lack
and proving her wrong
we stole her ding dong
so she gave us a very firm whack
A gal had a notable knack
For finding a potable snack.
When she went to a shrink
He advised, “Do not drink.”
Alas for a lass and a lack!
A gal had a notable knack
for ongoing yakety-yak.
Her husband at wits’ end
contracted a hit: “Send
her poppies, O.D. her on smack.”
A gal had a notable knack
She’d seduce guys and then give them back
To wives she thought naive
So she could not believe
Winding up with a knife in her back.
——————————————
A gal had notable knack
Into computers, she’d hack
To get information
And cause a sensation
`Til her boasts put the cops on her track.
—————————————-
A guy had a notable knack
When the mob wanted somebody whacked
But he soon met his match
And is not a good catch
For his deck is now missing a Jack.
———————————–
A guy had a notable knack
for eluding all sidewalk cracks
He was so superstitious
`though the threat was fictitious
Then he slipped and broke his own back.
All so clever. Here’s mine:
A gal had a notable knack
for getting young men in the sack,
it wasn’t her grace
but her church’s sack race–
it earned so much they gave her a plaque.
A gal has a notable knack
to always be on the attack.
She loves to start quarrels –
if a guy like Ray Charles,
she’ll tell him to “Hit the road, Jack!”
Oops: needs editing:
A gal has a notable knack
to always be on the attack.
She loves to start quarrels –
if a guy likes Ray Charles,
she’ll tell him to “Hit the road, Jack!”
A pastor had a notable knack
Of keeping his flock well on track
But one day he faltered
His life-style he altered
Hallelujah he’s not coming back.
From Patience;
A girl had a notable knack
of putting her trust in a quack.
She used roots, herbs and lotions,
concoctions and potions,
Now she’s lying quite stiff on her back.
and The Prodigal;
Big Mack had a notable knack,
He perfected a tufted duck’s quack,
Hiding in the long grass
Got two slugs up the ass,
Orange sauce doesn’t go with Big Mac.
A dog had a notable knack
for wanting to go on attack
since he wasn’t sedated
when he was up-crated
and placed on a car’s luggage rack.
A gal had a notable knack
for heaping her clothes in a stack.
To iron out wrinkles
she’d moisten with sprinkles
of watered-down Hennessy yak.
A man had a notable knack
Conversing each day with a yak
“Although we’re both mammals
I don’t talk to camels
I’m with you to have a good yak”
A man had a notable knack
for racing his hot Cadillac.
But drinking and driving
do not lead to thriving
and now his poor wife must wear black.
OK, it’s official – I’m addicted.
Estelle has a notable knack
(although she resides in a shack)
for home decoration
her proudest creation
a style she calls ticky-tack.
A guy had a notable knack
Finding food for a kid’s luncheon pack.
He popped corn in a pan
Duck pâté (from a can) –
He called his new snack Quacker Jack.
corrected version with accents
A gal had a notable knack
for doing her job on her back,
saying, “I’m on a mission
to keep this position,
and besides, I can make lots of jack.”
A man had a notable knack
for laying around on his back
smoking pot all day long
while he diddled his schlong
an activity called the weed whack.
A man had a notable knack
For mounting his buddies bareback
Until he met Rick
Who said, “Do your trick.”
That was an unfortunate crack.
A man had a notable knack
For writing his verse in the sack.
Well, time spent in bed
Is better spent, Ed.
(But never mind all that. I’m back!)
A man had a notable knack
for speaking in Czechoslovak.
Then out of the blue
That nation was two
And now he’s a fork-tongue-ed hack.
Monica Had a notable knack
Gets guys to expose their pack
When the Commander in Chief
Stripped down to his brief
She got a whole lot of flack
A gal had a notable knack
For complaints as she got in the sack,
“I’m hungry” she cried,
“For what?” he replied,
“As you see I’ve provided a snack.”
A girl had a notable knack
Covering herself with shellac
As the temperature rose
Or so the story goes
Cracks began to appear on her rack
Winston Churchill displayed quite a knack
For riposting when under attack:
“If we’d married,” said she,
“I’d poison your tea.”
“I’d drink it,” said he, as comeback.
A guy with a comical knack
For making a witty wisecrack
Dressed in turban and cape,
For a mystic he’d ape.
Dear Johnny, we miss your Carnac!
The Koch brothers have quite a knack
For taking America back
To a previous time
When to vote was a crime
If you were a woman or black.
A gal had a notable knack
For riding unclothed and bareback.
This lady, Godiva,
Aroused men’s saliva
With nipples like chocolate shellac.
A man had a notable knack
For exposin’ us all to his crack.
He’d reach for a book
And we’d all get a look
At the cleavage that peeks from out back.
A man had a notable knack
For sending flawed purchases back.
But it threw me, somewhat
When he sent back his butt
And the reason: it had a huge crack.
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over.
And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 60
But you can still have fun writing limericks, because a new Limerick-Off has already begun: Sun-Tanned Limerick