Woebegone Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man was recounting his woes…*

or

A gal was recounting her woes…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Woebegone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man was recounting his woes,
Causing those all around him to doze.
The guy was a whiner
With problems quite minor,
Though his bitching was building him foes.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

86 Responses to “Woebegone Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Michael Grove says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    ‘cuz his bank was about to foreclose.
    Compelled, (and I quote)
    them to “Produce the note”
    Now he lives there for free, I suppose.

    ~~~~~~~

    A gal was recounting her woes.
    The trouble she’d seen, no one knows.
    She had terrible gas.
    But thought, this too shall pass.
    Now the problem is all in her nose.

    ~~~~~~~

    A man was recounting his woes.
    Went ice fishing and foolishly froze.
    His doctor was right,
    said, “A case of frostbite”,
    and now he’s recounting his toes.

  2. Linkmeister says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    using all his fingers and toes
    He soon lost track
    And had to go back
    He’d forgotten he could use his nose!

  3. Bob Kennedy says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    The list of his STD’s grows
    Still he bears all the shame
    Seems unsporting to blame
    His wife and her truckload of beaux!

  4. now what about a NYC subway limerick…? just a suggestion…smiles

  5. brian miller says:

    a man recounting his woes
    knocks his head now that he know
    she lives in Queens
    where he’s just been
    maybe next time when he goes

    ha

  6. colonialist says:

    A man was recounting his woes –
    Gets ten every time his count goes,
    For each drinking bout
    Gives him terrible gout
    Attacking each one of his toes!

    A man was recounting his woes –
    Deposit, he had, adipose –
    Said, ‘Every confection
    Goes in the direction
    Of waist, where as blubber it shows!’

    A man was recounting his woes,
    And stated, ‘I really suppose
    When I married my wife,
    Who’s the bane of my life,
    I chose all the woes which arose!’

    *petulant stamp of foot* I see Michael Grove also put a double meaning on ‘recount’. Excuse me while I go off and sulk.

  7. A man was recounting his woes
    You can pretty much guess how this goes
    “I’m making my list,
    “Then I’ll go and get pissed,
    “If you need me, I’ll be down at Moe’s!”

  8. kaykuala says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    Luck’s out on him and he knows
    Try as he might
    He’s a bit tight
    The silver lining in the shadows

    Hank

  9. A gal was recounting her woes
    (Too many as ev’ryone knows).
    “I’ve got so many wrongs
    I should write them in songs.
    Isn’t that how a country tune goes?”

  10. A man was recounting his woes
    After leaving his gal in the throes.
    “If I’d known,” he did sob,
    “She was part of the mob,
    I’d still have ten fingers and toes.”

  11. A farmer was counting his woes;
    His distress he was keen to compose.
    As he tried to get back
    He was told by a quack,
    “Sir, your ducks are no longer in rows.”

  12. Hansi says:

    A man was counting his woes
    With his feet, using his toes
    He only had ten
    But thought then again
    When it comes to woes, that’s as far as it goes.

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A nude was recounting his woes
    of failure when touching his toes.
    He’s a ravenous dude,
    When it comes to all food,
    Maybe that’s why he can’t fit his clothes?

  14. Mark Kane says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    Of wooing a girl for her blows.
    She’d warm to the act,
    Stroke his member in fact.
    The problem? He just couldn’t close.

  15. Cara Holman says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    Using all of her fingers and toes
    When she got to twice ten
    She started over again
    Perhaps she’s still counting– who knows?

  16. A man was recounting his woes
    His faults from his head to his toes
    His hair falling out
    His perpetual pout
    The reason for which this just shows.

  17. Veralynne says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    (The main one only “barely” shows)
    When with partner in the act
    He can’t make it react
    It’s only when alone that it grows.

  18. Veralynne says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    Of each day–how badly it goes.
    You’d think she would see
    It wasn’t just she
    Who had problems! Heaven knows!

  19. RJ Clarken says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    which was largely re: words he’d transpose,
    such as: “Our shoving leopard,”
    in a speech, he once peppered.
    Then he blushed and said, “That’s gow it hoes.”

  20. RJ Clarken says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    at his quiz which said, *Name 5 Pharaohs.*
    “Well, there’s Cleo, Tut, Ker,
    and, I think Robespierre.
    Now just one more…oh crap! My mind froze.”

  21. Veralynne says:

    A man, while recounting his woes,
    Decided his life really blows.
    So he made a new list
    And this is the gist:
    “Ways to Die.” The list grows and grows.

  22. scott says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    of his search for pistachios.
    Told one vendor guy,
    “Your nuts are so high,
    your dick should be next to your nose.”

  23. A gal is recounting her woes
    As she lists the collectors she owes.
    After bill number ten
    She gets lost once again
    So she counts all the rest on her toes.

  24. Veralynne says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    As he wolfed tuna and spaghetti-o’s
    He cried tears in his beers
    And now what he fears
    Is indigestion like nobody knows!

  25. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    When a bystander bloodied his nose…
    So folks, if your grumble
    Involves your last tumble,
    Nix names or it might come to blows.

  26. A man was recounting his woes
    When he sneezed and it blew off his nose.
    As it fell with a CLANG,
    He looked down and said, “Dang,
    Well that’s just one more thing, I suppose.”

  27. Versebender says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    As pushing his mower, he mows
    Then he tripped on a root
    And ran over his boot
    So now he’s recounting his toes

  28. Rich D says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    to the bartender who served him at Joe’s
    It seems his last date
    Was not just jail bait
    But reveled in painting his toes

  29. Rich D says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    A ligament tear hurt his throws
    If all was the same
    As when I still had game
    I surely would have made the pros.

  30. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man, while recounting his woes,
    Went all “out” when he got to his toes:
    “A bunion AND blista!
    I’m tellin’ you, sista,
    That’s murder on good fishnet hose.”

  31. Jesse Levy says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    Couldn’t find the right tool at Lowe’s
    He needed a hammer
    but due to his stammer
    the clerk sent him to a deli – Joe’s.

    (ham-ham-ham-ham)

  32. Rich D says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    Her dates all turned out to be schmoes
    One pulled it out
    And wiggled about
    Where they come from, Lord, who knows?

  33. Rich D says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    in limericks he would compose
    He was such a cheater
    With no flair for meter
    So he just said “screw it, they’re prose”

  34. Pat Hatt says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    One his fingers and his toes.
    The smell was unreal,
    The paint began to peal
    And so he was washed down with a hose

  35. Granny Smith says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    “I had to be born with this nose!
    It is not only big
    And more fit for a pig –
    It’s like a foghorn when it blows!”

  36. Granny Smith says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    As she dressed in her old running clothes,
    “Now my races are short
    I am sad to report
    But there IS a long run in my hose!”

  37. Veralynne says:

    A woman, recounted her woes,
    Loving to sing, but sounding like crows.
    She’d auditioned and sought teachers,
    Sang the anthem from the bleachers,
    Even the church choir bounced her back several rows!

    But now she’s outstanding in her field
    Where previous venues refused to yield
    As a hog caller she’s tops
    Covers the nation on non-stops
    Flying high on her voice, all hurt healed.

  38. Ira Bloom says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    As he guzzled expensive Bordeaux:
    “On my capital gains,
    Taxes caused me such pains,
    That this year I can’t buy more van Goghs.”

  39. Rachel says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    The fact that he stupidly chose,
    To pocket his phone
    Although he’d known
    It loves the cops like a brown nose.

    He had noticed a few butt dials
    But didn’t fear criminal trials
    ‘Til he heard ding-dong
    And before too long
    Came to face the police men’s smug smiles.

    Visit my post to find the link to the news article that inspired my rhyme. :)

  40. patience and the prodigal says:

    from Patience:

    A woman, recounting her woes,
    Overdid it a bit, I suppose,
    “A mouse ate my cat
    and my husband’s a rat,
    and my tummy’s obscuring my toes”

    and the Prodigal:

    A man was recounting his woes
    “I’m living in hand-me-down clothes,
    my shoes have no soles,
    my socks’ full of holes,
    And my sister is Second hand Rose”

  41. Craig says:

    So this model recounted his woes
    His career had just come to a close
    He had stolen (that crook!)
    Someone’s signature look
    And got busted for nicking his pose.

  42. Craig says:

    Bambi told Thumper his woes
    When he found out his sisters were ho’s.
    “They confirm they’re not queer
    When the bucks all stop here –
    They’ll do dese, but they will not do does.”

  43. John Larkin says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    in heart-rending, sorrowful prose.
    But his friends didn’t care,
    didn’t want him to share,
    and told him, “That’s just how it goes.”

  44. Some great limericks here :)

  45. Edmund Weisberg says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    Oddly amidst passion’s throes,
    Which threw off his lover,
    A hot piping plover,
    Who flew off as far as anyone knows.

  46. Michelle Hed says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    using all ten fingers and toes,
    when the dog grabbed a sock
    and he jumped off the dock –
    he swore in polyphonic prose!

  47. Michelle Hed says:

    His gal was recounting his woes
    from no food to self-walking clothes.
    He said, “Wash my clothes now”.
    She said, “No way, no how”.
    She left before he could propose.

  48. Neal P says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    But unlike most Average Joes
    He had all his hair
    and money to spare
    Self-pity? It comes and it goes

  49. The Queen was recounting her woes;
    “One’s 23rd time in Tussaud’s!
    And each time they’ve sculpted
    More wrinkles!” she gulped, “It
    Quite makes one reluctant to pose.”

  50. Neal P says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    on a bench, when he suddenly froze
    Now this wasn’t nice
    His balls were like ice
    And so were his fingers and toes

  51. Neal P says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    When a bumble bee lit on his nose
    He reached up to swat it
    But he never got it
    So his nose sorta glows like a rose

  52. Jim Delaney says:

    A fellow was counting his woes:
    He used all his fingers and toes,
    Then gave a big sniff
    Exactly as if
    He could tally more woes with his nose.

  53. OK, this is my first contribution here, though I’ve visited many times and never had the courage to try. Hope it fits the form and the mood :-)

    ***
    A gal was recounting her woes
    Among which a visit from ghosts
    Upon hearing that
    They popped out of the hat
    So, mind where you stick in your nose!
    ***

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    To 12 geishas in bright kimonos,
    You’ve a lot on your hands
    with all of those fans
    So I’ll have to dip out I suppose.

  55. Daniel Ari says:

    Riffing off Michelle Hed’s limerick–

    A man was recounting his woes
    using all of his fingers and toes.
    When a dog bit his widget—
    removing the digit—
    he said, “Twenty’s enough, I suppose.”

  56. Tom Hale says:

    A man was recounting his woes:
    “I have two left feet, Heaven knows.
    My tootsies don’t twinkle;
    I waltz like Bullwinkle.
    I can’t even count on my toes.”

  57. Granny Smith says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    As she UNfriended both friends and foes.
    “I have heard something new
    That might even be true?
    We could speak face to face? No one knows!”

  58. Daniel Ari says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    regarding the girth of his hose.
    “My gauge is so slender,
    hard use is too tender.
    I love Honey Nut Cheerios.”

  59. Kim Nelson says:

    That’s exactly right! The focus becomes the locus.

  60. Tim Keen says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    About how slow his garden grows
    With nature his is not in tune
    And had planted it too soon
    And watches it die as it snows

    Tim

  61. Bruce Niedt says:

    Thanks to the NaPoWriMo blog for the inspiration for this – they had a photo prompt today, one of which was of a snail.

    A snail was recounting his woes:
    “The gardeners try to dispose
    of my body with salt –
    being here’s not my fault –
    and my best friends are now escargots!”

  62. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gal is recounting her woes
    To a couple of women she knows
    I know I am classy
    In fact very arsey
    And you’re just two jealous old hoes.

  63. Bruce Niedt says:

    A gal was recounting her woes:
    “The singles bar scene really blows!
    It is quite alarming
    when you look for Prince Charming,
    but find Curlys, Larrys, and Moes!”

  64. Rachael says:

    A gal was recounting her woes,
    a fancy rhyme she tried to compose.
    The pen wouldn’t move,
    A fact that could prove
    She ought to be writing in prose.

    ***

    A man was recounting his woes
    As he sat on the street with no clothes.
    His girlie was livid
    the foreplay too vivid:
    A vulgar man reaps what he sows!

  65. A man all his woes was recountin’
    And he sputtered like he was a fountain
    Our discomfort his pleasure
    As his minors turned major
    And his molehills transformed into mountains

  66. Mark Megson says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    About how he couldn’t count all his toes
    His little piggies has gone,
    Except just for one,
    Off to town to pick up some sows

  67. Mama Zen says:

    I think I know that guy!

  68. Ha ha ha- very good- and yeah- I know this guy- needs to shut the hell up!

  69. A man was recounting his woes
    As he walked through the town with no clothes
    Not a thing to his name
    Just because of a game
    So the tale of the gambler goes

  70. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman, recounting her woes,
    Mid-tirade stopped griping and froze.
    The naked surprise
    In the poor mailman’s eyes
    Said it all: dressing down requires clothes.

  71. John Sardo says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    But discovered he hadn’t enough toes.
    His fingers joined the count
    As his woes began to mount
    From courting ten women trouble flows.

    A gal was recounting her woes
    She invested in stock that soon froze
    Ii soared with the bubble
    Then crumbled to rubble
    So that’s how the market wind blows.

    A man was recounting his woes
    To a barmaid with runs in her hose
    She said, honey, I’ve heard all the tales
    And listened to so many wails
    But still can’t buy clothes for my toes.

  72. Elaine Spall says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    With her neighbours, she’d now come to blows
    Their dogs bark, made her weird
    Now they’ve ALL disappeared
    Where she’s buried those bones, no one knows.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    Of nights with Colombian hoes:
    “In old Cartagena,
    The hookers are plainer
    Than agents were led to suppose.”

  74. Diane Groothuis says:

    A stripper recounting her woes
    For not getting too many throws
    She went over to France
    And took off her pants
    And there she got plenty of goes.

  75. Jannpoet says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    so pregnant she can’t see her toes
    but she knows they are under
    her tummy rotunder
    so swollen when she walks they glows.

  76. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man was recounting his woes,
    Continually stoning the crows
    But nobody heard
    His comments absurd
    As a crow dropped a turd on his toes.

  77. Granny Smith says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    By the light shed by candle that glows
    ” ‘Cause try as I might
    ‘Lectric lights just won’t light.
    Shoulda paid that last bill, I suppose!”

  78. Craig says:

    Michael Jackson made note of his woes
    That his parents were black and it shows
    “But thanks to my surgeon
    The white me’s emergin’
    So excuse me while I pick my nose.”

  79. tara tyler says:

    too many toes, had to start over!

    A lass was recounting her woes
    Telling whom, nobody knows
    Her boyfriend she caught
    But shares the same plot
    So she reaps, from whence she sows

  80. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man was recounting his woes
    To a naughty young girlie called Rose
    “I tell you my dear”
    As he cried in his beer
    “When I’m with you I’m touching my toes.”

  81. R Krauth says:

    Poor lass laid, recounting her woes-
    With lover in midst of his throes
    of passion! Thanks be, she’d find,
    that Lashing that bare behind
    Regained her pow’r: Oh- so many ohs!

  82. Patti says:

    A gal is recounting her woes.
    She aches from her head to her toes.
    She’s taking her meds,
    But the flu’s still ahead.
    She’s behind by a (very red) nose.

  83. Granny Smith says:

    A gal was recounting her woes
    “I can never decide about clothes!
    Is it long? Is it short?
    Is it formal or sport?
    Do I really want these and not those?”

  84. Kathy El-Assal says:

    A stripper recounting her woes
    Was unhappy removing her clothes:
    “Whenever I’m nude
    My nipples protrude
    And milk from those nukis just flows.”

  85. Granny Smith says:

    A man was recounting his woes.
    “I have practical ways to propose
    To end poverty, war,
    Make the rich help the poor…
    I’m the candidate nobody knows.”

  86. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 58.

    But don’t worry about missing out — a new Limerick-Off has already begun right here.