Snappish Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was starting to snap…*
or
A woman was starting to snap…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Snappish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was starting to snap
At a rude and obstreperous chap.
But his wife said, “Be wise.
Did you see that guy’s size?
He could give you a permanent nap.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Arguments, Fist Fights Humor, Husband Wife Limerick, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Rudeness Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman was trying to snap
The front of her jeans; But a gap
‘Tween the right half and left
Showed lamentable cleft!
She had added degrees on her map.
A fellow was starting to snap
‘Coz of standing in the cold, but a map
Saved his life when it covered him head to toe
And thereby shielded him from the snow
But his ear froze off because of some gap
A youngster was trying to snap
To capture the beat of his rap,
But his snap had no flow
So the youth had to go
To his feet – what a quick-witted chap!
A fellow was starting to snap
He did not want to get a bad rap
He was racking his brain!
Would Madeleine Kane
Allow him to use the word crap?
A fellow was starting to snap
A waitress spilled onto his lap
She apologized
He then realized
How sweetness made him melt
Hank
A woman was trying to snap
Herself out of a very long nap.
In the midst of a dream
She awoke with a scream
When she gave her own face quite a slap.
A fellow was trying to snap
To help teach his pup not to yap.
But much to his shame,
No rapid sounds came,
Except from the pooch in his lap!
A fellow was starting to snap
At a woman who gave him the clap
Sweetie she said
I’d sleep with the dead
But instead I put up with your crap.
A woman was starting to snap
At a chap she sought to entrap
She growled agitatedly
When he arrived belatedly
Then lay down and took a long nap.
A fellow was starting to snap,
Thinking he had gotten the clap.
Making him hiss
Over his bit of bliss
When it was just a flea on the poor chap
A woman was starting to snap,
the corkscrew was working like crap.
Then hubby came in,
and said with a grin,
“Honey, just twist off the cap.”
A woman was starting to snap
because she could not find a cap
to fit her big head
So what she did instead
was to cover it all with a wrap.
A fellow was starting to snap.
Both his fingers and toes he would tap.
His eyes became blurry,
when the line wouldn’t hurry,
and his blood pressure got a big zap.
a homie was starting to snap
a tune with a playful smart, rap
weird hip-hop resulted
a psychic consulted
Tupac’s ghost caught him in a death-trap
A puppy was trying to snap
At a flea in the middle of his nap
He contorted and twisted
I stepped in and assisted
With a scratch, he woke and gave me a lap.
A fellow was trying to snap,
While he clung to some pre-concieved crap.
Roshi said with a groan:
“No you ass, it’s a koan!
There’s no sound to a one-handed clap.”
A fellow was trying to snap
The G-string of the gal on his lap.
The bouncer said “Hey!
Take your fingers away!
She could give you a dose of the clap!”
Santorum is starting to snap.
The pressures of pushing his pap
have started him cursing
the press, and the worst thing:
he really believes his claptrap.
A fellow was starting to snap,
The wings of a dove as it napped.
But try as he may
the fowl got away
and flipped him the bird while he flapped.
Cameras are starting to snap,
The audience rises to clap.
My tenth bow! They’re still standing!
Then I hear, “Sir? We’re landing,
It’s time to wake up from your nap!” :(
A dachshund was starting to snap
At the cheese in a loaded mousetrap,
When the spring went ‘KAPOW!’
And that, friends, is how
The pug first appeared on the map!
A women did not like the cold snap
So she started to dance
Attracted quite a glance
Got herself in a flap
When the camera went snap!
A fellow was starting to snap
at a guy who was dancing the rap
in the subway he hopped
going over the top
and then stretched on the rails for a nap
A fellow was starting to snap
Every time he got up from his nap
From his toes to his top
He would crackle and pop
Not bad bones, he slept on bubble wrap
Some of these are really funny. Loved yours and Claudia’s.
I can never quite get my mind to do this rhythm.
From Patience:
A fellow was trying to snap
On his Canon, his girlfriends mishap.
He focused his lens,
They are no longer friends,
He thought it was just cradle-cap.
And the Prodigal;
A woman was trying to snap
Up a bargain, a solid gold tap,
For her bathroom, a spare,
From her hubby a glare
For brass she deserves a good slap.
A fellow was starting to snap
when he read in the Arts News, this pap:
Some celeb bottom dweller
‘wrote’ a brand new best seller.
He snarled, “Bet that the paper’s foolscap!”
a fellow was starting to snap
green beans for dinner but needed a nap
snooze he did
his work they hid
in their bellies, the dogs were so hap-py
haha
As usual, an excellent limerick! And I learned a new word, ‘obstreperous’, whew!
Hee hee, I especially loved the woman waking herself from a nap!!!!
A fellow was starting to snap
After snagging himself in a trap:
He’d asked, “How are ya, dear?”
And then lent her an ear
For an endless assault from her yap.
A fellow was starting to snap
sexy pics of his girl in a cap.
But when she got amorous,
His response (most unglamorous):
“I think I’ll just download the app.”
A woman was starting to snap
The strap on the back of her cap.
She pulled it too tight
And her ears squirted shite…
Guess that proves that she WAS full of crap.
A wise woman!
Beginning:
A fellow was starting to snap
In a dull life that felt like a trap.
“I’ll take me a bride,
Who’ll remain by my side…
Unless she’d rather ride in my lap!”
Later:
A fellow was starting to snap.
His near future looked nothing but crap.
He took on a wife
To assist him in life…
All he got out of that was the clap!
A woman was starting to snap
‘Cause she just could not undo the strap
Sure, it gives a nice shape
But my “girls” can’t escape
This new bra, should be called “Booby Trap”
A fellow was starting to snap
At his wife who could not read a map.
“How hard can it be
Getting from A to B?
There’s no need to get in such a flap!”
A woman was starting to snap
She could make head nor tails of the map.
To her frustrated mate,
She responded with hate…
“I’ve had all I can take of this crap!”
A woman was starting to snap,
Struggling hard to avoid a big flap.
But if that kid didn’t stop
Chewing gum with a pop
She was going to give him a slap.
A publican started to snap,
When he had no more lager on tap,
How can there be cheer,
When the pub’s got no beer?
And the wine around here is all crap.
A fellow was starting to snap
Due to secrets kept under his cap
“If I spill ’em I’m a loser!”
So he became quite the boozer
And lost anyway–what a trap.
A woman was starting to snap
At the guy she was dating–a sap
He had money, it’s true
But he was boring as goo
She couldn’t stand more of his crap.
A private jet, a fancy car, and fine food
Are okay for a while, but to be good,
One’s chemistry and conversation
Need to beat masturbation
Or for another date one’s not in the mood!
A woman was starting to snap
Up her garters and twirl on her wrap
Then she slipped on her shoes
And did up all her do’s
When BOING! there went her bra strap!
A woman was starting to snap
from her husband’s neglect of her lap.
So she met him one night
in a sheer and skin-tight
sarong made of cellophane wrap.
A fellow was starting to snap
At musicians, “Your playing is crap,
But I have a fixed date
And this D V D’s late.
It’s still crap but we’ll call it a wrap!”
A fellow was trying to snap
The brim of his stylish golf cap.
When a gust made it fly,
“Oh, I’m glad,” said the guy,
“That the cap and not me hit the trap!
A fellow was starting to snap
Putting up with the rude Nazi crap
He knew they weren’t nice
So he sang “Edelweiss”
And took off with the family von Trapp.
A fellow was trying to snap
On the up beat and then tried to clap
On the down beat but failed;
His rhythm derailed
As his snaps and his claps closed the gap.
Said a woman who started to snap
‘Cause her baby would not take a nap
I should remember protection
When showing affection
Or get me a Cervical Cap.
Love these…my mind will not form a limerick…
A fellow was starting to snap
as he was moving a boatload of crap
Said he to the watchman in charge
you need a bigger barge
or a slightly bigger lap
A Snappy Fellow
A fellow was starting to snap,
he’d been awoken from a nap.
Screams and shouts, he thought fire,
he figured things were dire!
He arrived at the scene, oh crap!
Fifteen girls playing video crap,
fifteen girls with their mouths a gap.
Then they started screaming,
he wished he was dreaming
instead of being a live, nude chap!
A woman was starting to snap
Each failed diet left her feeling crap
Can I reduce the size
Of my hips, butt and thighs
If I cover myself in shrink wrap?
A woman was starting to snap
Lost in traffic, she started to flap
Don’t know why I said yes
To this new GPS
Think it’s time to go back to a map
A fellow was trying to snap
Into place, some new bait for a trap
When he misplaced the crumbs
All he caught were his thumbs
And the mouse ran away with the scraps
A woman was starting to snap
When she felt an electrical zap.
It was then she recalled
The reason she’s bald:
Her “Wig-Not” electro-shock cap.
I can not gain a rhyme to go with your limerick line
I shall just say could I write this way I would take more of your time!
You are ALL wonderfully talented love the limericks and the idea ty for sharing your talents!
A fellow was starting to snap,
so he paused by taking a nap.
And when he awoke,
to himself he spoke,
“I’m no longer hung up on crap.”
A fellow was starting to snap
His fingers and point to his lap
When his wife snarled, “You lech,
If you want me to fetch
Like a dog, give me more than that scrap!”
A teacher was starting to snap
At a student who needed a rap
On the knuckles for cheating
She said “Now stop bleating
And keep this all under your cap!”
A lap-dancer started to snap
and said to one eager chap,
‘Dude, if you please,
just close up your knees.
I’m not pole-dancer, but lap.’
A fellow was starting to snap
Because he was caught in a trap
By a mad scientist’s wiles
To create crocodiles
Half human with his new iphone app
A fellow was trying to snap
His pants to avoid a bad rap
Cause the cop who was dressed
Like a hooker confessed
Her handcuffs were real, the poor sap.
The people were starting to snap,
from the large, ever-widening gap,
‘tween the left and the right,
and the black and the white,
in this social-political trap.
More hatred as every day dawns.
More dead on the streets and the lawns.
Though the Kings in this game,
set the chess board aflame,
the first to get burnt are us pawns.
A fellow was trying to snap
the record for taking a crap
He sat there for ages
while flipping through pages
(He held “War & Peace” in his lap)
A dude was trying to snap
the jaws of an old rusty trap
He cursed, “Dammit!” and F*ck!”
“This bastard is stuck.”
Then WHAP! went the trap, “Holy Crap!”
A fellow was starting to snap
So he decided to take a short nap
When he awoke
He began to choke
For he saw he pajama legs clap.
———————
A woman was starting to snap
The buttons from neckline to lap
With no underwear on
She knew her next john
Would find a cinch to unwrap.
————————-
A fellow was starting to snap
His fingers while listening to rap
But the trouble within him,
He had no sense of rhythm
And could find no help from an App.
———————–
A woman was starting to snap
The puzzle parts forming a map
It did not take her long
To she they were wrong
For Iraq was portrayed as a gap.
A juggler was starting to snap
As he dropped all his balls in his lap
If I drop them once more
They will show me the door,
The audience won’t even clap!
A pilot was starting to snap
As he desperately needed a crap
If this thing hits bumps
While I’m dropping some lumps
Just parachute out through that flap.
A lady who started to snap
the circles of some bubble wrap
ended up with holes in her thigh.
It was a reply in the blink of an eye
from the cat that sat on her lap.
Mitt Romney was starting to snap
At the prez and his place on the map.
“To you it’s not funny
But I’ve got the money.
I’ll just buy up where we overlap.”
A fellow was starting to snap,
The others beginning to clap;
A girl they called Honey,
She danced for their money
Batting stray hands with a slap.
A woman was starting to snap,
The pea pile growing tall in her lap
The kids bitched and moaned
even the husband he groaned
“Why do I have to eat that crap?”
Madeleine started to snap
As the tax man was causing a flap
Creativity stifled and
Bank accounts rifled
On the whole he’s a negative chap.
A senior was starting to snap
His dislike of his I-pod’s new pap.
“Benny Goodman, Kay Kyser –
Oh, my choices were wiser.
I agree, though: Kids got a bum rap!”
Mickey Mouse started to snap
When he injured his nose on a trap
He said “If you please,
Though I’m partial to cheese
You’ve caused me a nasty mishap.”
A fellow was starting to snap.
He’d prove to his boss, he’s no sap!
So he called out Ed’s name,
Shouting “Have you no shame?”
As he yanked his young wife off Ed’s lap.
An actress was trying to snap
Her thighs closed, avoiding the clap.
But liquor relaxed her,
And soon he was in her.
Before long she heard “It’s a Wrap!”
A fellow was starting to snap.
After years of just taking her crap!
So he dumped his cruel wife,
And got on with his life,
Declaring their marriage “A Wrap.”
A fellow was starting to snap
From frustration with his handicap.
His scansion was awful,
His rhymes were unlawful.
What you need, my dear chap, is an ap.
A fellow was starting to snap.
Mother Nature just gave him a zap.
Which made this guy wonder
Am I wise to fear thunder?
Can lightning strike twice? (Thunderclap!)
A fellow was starting to snap.
His hands were too long in his lap.
He posed, like all men,
This question in Zen:
What sound from the one-handed clap?
A fellow was starting to snap,
Riding horses all over the map,
Which made an old biddy
Ask, “Did he get giddy?”
Giddy? Yep. Giddy. Yep. Giddyap.
A fellow was starting to snap
a butcher knife sat in his lap.
A voice in his head
said “you must make them dead”
but another one said “no, that’s crap”
A woman was starting to snap
a bushel of beans in a trap
She cooked them up yummy
and so pleased her tummy
She even pureed up the scrap
A fellow was starting to snap
When someone had planted a slap
On the side of his face
Where it left a red place
That looked like a town on a map
A woman was starting to snap.
Another false positive PAP!
After doc’s tenth exploration,
Her one exhortation:
“This foreshadows Repuglicans’ crap!”
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 57.
But you can still have some limerick-writing fun. How? A new Limerick-Off has already begun: Woebegone Limerick.
A Woman was starting to snap
She’d had quite enough of his crap!
When he told her to chill
she said “Go take a pill”
He shut up and that sorted that.