Shrill Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s who won last week.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was terribly shrill…*
or
A man who was terribly shrill…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Shrill Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was terribly shrill
Was stunned by a very high bill.
She shrieked and she raved,
Till her creditor caved:
“Please, I’ll cut it in half, if you chill.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bills Humor, Creditors, Debt Humor, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Shrillness, Voice, Writing Prompts
A man who was terribly shrill
Was singing to “Can’t Buy A Thrill”
A couple of fans
of Steely Dan’s
Converged and proceeded to kill
A man who was terribly shrill
Was guarding his wife’s cousin’s still
He got really silly
Cuz that there hillbilly
Was pretty much drinking his fill!
A girl who was terribly shrill
was writing a tome with a quill
She broke off her nib
but was wearing a bib
because of a previous spill
A man who was terribly shrill
Was forbidden to use a gas grill
He went half insane
Inhaling propane
The last time they got a refill.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Played flute cuz she so loved to trill
She wanted to go
and play piccolo
but the cost made her chances near nil.
A gal who was terribly shrill
had a seat up on capitol hill.
“The Raven” she quoted
whenever they voted.
Turned out she was mentally ill.
A girl who was terribly shrill
Was presented with quite a large bill!
She screamed fit to bust,
And blasphemed and cussed
Till somebody popped her a pill.
A gal who was terribly shrill…
Hobnobbed with a guy named Bill
And thought all was well
Till her tummy did swell
Just ’cause she did not pop a pill.
Put pancakes on top of the grill
He hooted and hollered
Turned down is old collar
Mrs. Butterworth then fit the bill
Crap i didn’t get the first line copied. My humble apologies.
A man who was terribly shirll
Put pancakes on top of the grill
He hooted and hollered
Turned down is old collar
Mrs. Butterworth then fit the bill
A gal who was terribly shrill
Took a lover she later thought ill
She was very appalled
When in shock, she recalled
“Oh My God, I’m not on the pill!”
A modest gal who was terribly shrill
Was overusing her birth control pill
Thought her ailment
Was the derailment
Of whatever morality her boyfriends could instill
A gal who was terribly shrill
Sought to sing in the NY Phil
She was awfully deaf
In mid and treble clef
And her voice was on the birth control pill!
An usherette whose voice was awfully shrill
Always surprised her guests willy-nilly still
When they asked for seats
She adjusted her pleats
And said, sotto voce, I also work as the Madam’s shill!
A myopic gal who was terribly shrill
Thought she had taken a penicillin pill
The error was seen
When the medicine
Her surgeon found was really a porcupine’s quill
A romantic gal who was terribly shrill
Squeaked her songs into her beau at will
The beau was not so happy
Scared, the man wet his nappy
And then as she changed him, said she loved him still!
A passionately romantic gal who was shrill
Wrote a love letter to her lover called Bill
Darling, I am pregnant
Though I know you can’t
Do it to me with your inkpot and quill
A stage struck gal was terribly shrill
Changed her name to Casting Couch Jill
She got a few roles to delight
With her assets in the public sight
And won the Oscar for Best Porno Thrills
A gal who was terribly shrill
On account of her helium thrill
Sold balloons at the fair
’til she took to the air
And was seen floating over a hill.
A man who was terribly shrill
From an accident with a windmill
Had once been so shy
Now he’s aiming quite high
‘Til he’s paid off the medical bill.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Bought a house up on Mockingbird Hill
But her screeching, alas,
Shattered all of the glass,
Now she’s looking for something to kill….
A man who was terribly shrill
Took a drink with a happy time pill
When he woke the next morning
His brain was in mourning
With a buzz from an electric drill.
Been there, done that. But didn’t need the pill.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Years ago screeched our Anthem and still
After singing it rotten
No laughs, not forgotten
Roseanne’s singing received the big chill
A guy who is terribly shrill
And loves to incite with ill will
Gets a kick from his game
Made MO’s Hall of Fame
Rush Limbaugh, you’re one giant dil (do)
A gal who was terribly shrill
Was considered by many a pill;
Hard to swallow, indeed,
They would leave at great speed.
Leaving our gal to shrill at her will.
A gal who was terribly shrill,
was shriller when she got a thrill.
So loudly she screeched,
when her climax was reached,
my ears have not recovered still.
A gal who was terribly shrill,
Sang out to Blueberry Hill,
Couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket,
So the neighbors said “feck it”
And popped her a poison pill.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Told her hubby it wasn’t a thrill
To break his joystick
To make her point stick
But she smiled as he cried, “You killed Bill!”
As always, visit my blog to see the news story that inspired my limerick. :)
My voice has always been shrill
To modify it, I would kill
A tenor, a tailor
Or even a sailor
To instead make my voice a sweet trill.
So this gal with a voice that was shrill,
Said of birthdays, “I’ve quite has my fill!”
So she grabbed up a knife
And soon ended her life.
Now she’s under, not over, the hill.
A man who was terribly shrill
Went to doc for a change-of-voice pill.
But instead of making it deep
made him baa like the sheep
so he refused to pay the pill bill.
(Typo corrected – curse you, autocorrect)
A gal who was terribly shrill
Met a guy who was shriller, named Bill.
But it worked out just fine
When they tried sixty-nine;
What a fabulous way to keep still.
A gal with a voice that was shrill
Had a husband who’d quite had his fill.
He said, “I love ya, Daisy,
But Jamaican me crazy.”
And he left on a flight to Negril.
A gal with a voice that was shrill
Tried to stretch out her throat by sheer will.
Then her boyfriend Horatio
Taught her (well, you know)
Now she has a quite popular skill.
A gal with a voice that was shrill
Liked good sex, and could not get her fill.
The last guy to ride her
Collapsed there beside her
And I think that boy’s lyin’ there still.
A man who was terribly shrill
would only be seen wearing twill.
An obsessive need
to be ensconced in tweed
made chinos a near-guilty thrill.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Could bend any bat to her will.
She once had a lark
In the park, after dark,
And the rangers remember her still.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Vacationed with friends in Brazil
Said a man from Recife
Who she thought cute and beefy
You’re nice but your voice makes me ill.
(Trying to keep them printable today.)
A gal who was terribly shrill
Climbed up Switzerland’s loftiest hill.
From the moment she yodeled
The mountains were totaled.
The rock slide’s continuing still.
(Silly Rhyme Department.)
A gal who was terribly shrill
Played the Kennedy Center, until
Maestro R-Korsakov
Ran away, wailing “Of
Those harmonics, I’ve more than my Phil!”
(Finally, today’s Topical Antiseptic.)
A man who was terribly shrill
Trashed a nice girl who spoke on The Hill,
Causing sponsors of Rush
Then to give him the flush,
But, alas, he is broadcasting still.
A gal who was terribly shrill
made the waiter refigure her bill
“My order was switched!”
the harridan bitched.
“No way will I pay for this swill!”
A prig who was terribly shrill
spent decades on Capitol Hill
Rantin’ and ravin’
this insolent maven
foiled or despoiled every bill
A jerk who was terribly shrill
had a label for those on the pill
No ifs ands or buts
He called them all were sluts
Now the pig finds his fat on the grill
A man who was terribly shrill
With a pen, a pad, and a pill
Wrote a letter out loud
To a maddening crowd
Please forgive me I’m old and I’m ill
A gal who was terribly shrill
was known by her first name, Jill.
She dated a guy named Jack
but she’s not about to go back
since they went up and fell down a hill.
Without looking at all the rest (sorry if I’m duplicating here):
A gal who was terribly shrill
had a voice like a dentist’s drill
I’m glad Palin lost
’cause the price or the cost
was me with a suicide pill.
A gal who was terribly shrill,
Posited “Is this fate or free will?
What is life? Who is God?”
(Still, she had such a bod,
Guys were happy to pick up the bill.)
..
A gal who has a voice so shrill
Is extraordinarily gifted, agree you will
Look at the bats and dogs
And hogs and croaking tree frogs
That stand still at attention, commanded by her voice like the whistle!
A gal who was terribly shrill
Left her larynx to the world in her will
So future generations
Could enjoy the sensation
Of a voice that made men feel ill
A gal who was terribly shrill,
Made sure that we each got our fill.
She called them a thief,
With her “Where’s the beef!”
At Wendy’s I hear her voice still.
With a range from C4 to F6, rather shrill
Poor Miss Jill- her voice can really kill
She hobnobs with bats in the belfry
Hanging by the curtains obviously,
But the view is good- of the knickers if you will!
I wonder if that would work for me?
Rush Limbaugh, you’re terribly shrill.
Stop your whoring — we’ve all had our fill.
A strong woman’s a slut?
Get your head out your butt —
Better yet, while there, “drill baby drill.”
A gal who was terribly shrill
Auditioned for a Lloyd Webber bill.
Was it smashing that mirror
That finally did fer ‘er?
Or singing, “Don’t cry for me … errrm … Brazil”??
A gal who was terribly shrill
Got caught with her hand in the till.
When the boss-man raised hell,
Folks for miles heard her yell,
“Your insurance won’t cover my pill!”
A girl who was terribly shrill
Was removed from her own mother’s will
“Til you learn to stop whining,
You’ll have to keep pining
For the vase upon my window sill.”
I won’t attempt a Limerick as I’m clearly outdone before I begin; just to say very much enjoyed yours and everyone else’s very much… very amusing
A gal who was terribly shrill
Cried out, “Turkey on rye — hold the dill!”
Her date, starved for a quip,
Piped, “Enjoy my big tip!”
But the sex from then on went downhill.
Chris Mathews, who’s terribly shrill
And who lacks conversational skill,
Though he’s not as well read
As “Rev,” Rachel and Ed,
Thinks he runs MSNBC-ville.
A gal who was terribly shrill
sneezed out her birth control pill;
Then she left on a date
never guessing her fate
was now up to some guy named Phil
A gal who was terribly shrill
Screamed at hubby to get her a pill.
He had reached the last straw
When a bottle he saw
Labeled, Arsenic, would just fit the bill.
——————————————
A gal who was terribly shrill
Lashed out at waiters at will
Take this back; the steak’s burned
Is there nothing you’ve learned?
He returned with a cow and the bill.
———————————————-
A gal who was terribly shrill
Jangled nerves, that caused friends to be ill
When burglars broke in,
Ears jarred from the din,
They left without touching the till.
——————————————-
A gal who was terribly shrill
When abasing her husband, Bill,
Said, “You are of no use,
You pretend you’re obtuse,
No great wonder with all that you swill.”
A gal who was terribly shrill
Tried out for the opera – with trill.
Superman had the brio
To withstand her trio,
But batman is fleeing her still.
A gal who was terribly shrill
Had earlier one too many fills
Top of her voice
Made a lot of noise
Charming lady? didn’t fit the bill
Hank
A guy who was terribly shrill,
Told a woman who’d eaten her fill:
“Have you stepped on a scale?
You’re as big as a whale!
I suggest you cut back on the krill!”
A man who was terribly shrill
Refused to shut up–that’s until
All his friends said, “Whoa!
We can’t take no mo’
Through our bones your voice sends a chill!!”
A gal who was terribly shrill
Had a tongue that would not stand still
Even as she’d walk
She’d talk and she’d talk
In a voice that pierced like a drill!
A man who was terribly shrill,
wed a gal who was mentally ill.
While one’s irritating,
the other is grating.
It’s Mr. and Mrs. Carville.
a gal who was terribly shrill
sang from ontop the hill
shattering glass
making quite a mess
their cure was to give her a dill
I like Scott’s. :) And here’s mine:
A man who was terribly shrill
struggled daftly indeed for to kill;
his victims could hear him,
run away ‘fore he neared them
so the death toll, in total, was nil.
A gal who was terribly shrill
rose each morning to take her pill.
There was no need
for none leaves his seed
in a gal who sounds like a drill.
—
My muse is to blame.
Or altrnately:
A gal who was terribly shrill
rose each morning to take her pill.
But none feels romance
stir in his pants
when he hears the sound of a drill.
Meg Ryan tried not to be shrill
While moaning and groaning until
Her orgasmic feat
Made someone entreat
“I’ll have what she’s having”…[a thrill!]
A gal who was terribly shrill
sat still as he popped his next pill
she sat with romance
a beat in his pants
and she felt his pill thrill her still
A gal who was terribly shrill
And a poet, as well, said that, “Still
I just CAN’T understand
Using pens now on hand
Of course I write ONLY with quill!”
A gal who was terribly shrill
By the name of Cruella de Vil
Tried to dognap dalmations
But her machinations
Just led to her landing in swill.
A man who was terribly shrill
could look like a woman at will
with the right bit of paint
a lost feminine saint
To erase? Not a strong enough pill :)
A gal who was terribly shrill
Said finally, “Okay! Yes! Yes! I will!”
But when it came time
She turned on a dime
Shrieking “STOP!” – at the now softened Bill.
…
A guy whose voice was awkwardly shrill
Found a Dunking Lama’s on a Tibetan hill
Fortunately the Holy Lama
Blessed him with a pajama
That warmed his jewels- now he speaks like Buffalo Bill
A gal who was terribly shrill,
made yodelers run for the hill.
Her voice was so loud,
she could drown out a crowd,
and make babies shut up and be still.
a gal who was terribly shrill,
her parents were called Jack and Jill,
She said “Daddy was dumb,
Mom roared like a bomb,
and left me her voice in her will”
A man who was terribly Shrill
Was born Sally, but now prefers Bill
He changed his gender by choice
But couldn’t lower his voice
So in the choir, he’s lead soprano Still!!
I usually don’t read the other limericks before writing mine. Kathy El-Assal and i were just on the same wavelength:
A gal who was terribly shrill
said “A fur coat will take off the chill!
I’ll comb the whole nation
for the perfect Dalmatian,
or my name’s not Cruella de Vil!”
a rock band was terribly shrill
providing their fans a big thrill
the lead guitarist was drowned
by a strange distorted sound
they were using a stanley hand drill
shrill limerick
A gal who was terribly shrill
Haunts the old house on the hill
She still shrieks and moans
And rattles her bones
Giving her neighbors a chill.
HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE
Mel Gibson shouts hatespeak quite shrill
May his stardom keep going downhill
Will his loss from divorce
Lead to ANY remorse?
She got half- close to $450 MIL
A gal who was terribly shrill,
Arrived at the ball dressed to kill,
With a very clear plan,
Find a rich older man,
Then weasel a place in his will.
A gal who was terribly shrill,
But clearly not run of the mill,
Mae West was her name,
And sex was her game,
Reaching fame with her play “Diamond Lil”.
A gal who was terribly shrill,
Attempted to sing with no skill.
Not needing to think,
I guzzled my drink,
And quickly paid off my bar bill.
A man who was terribly shrill
Tried to sing with vibrato and trill.
The glassware all shattered
As bar patrons scattered
And they’ve banned karaoke there still.
Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 53.
But don’t worry — there’s more limerick-writing fun to be had right here with a brand new Limerick-Off: Brooding Limerick