Ginning Up Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s who won last week.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was partial to gin…*
or
A gal who was partial to gin…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Ginning Up Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was partial to gin
Played it often and tended to win.
When encouraged to switch
And play poker, he’d bitch:
“Gin is wholesome, but poker’s a sin.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alcoholic Poems, Beverages, Card Games, Drink Verse, Drinking Limerick, Gin Humor, Gin Rummy, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poker Limerick, Writing Prompts
A gal who was partial to gin
Played on Wednesdays with all of her friends
She was a sore loser
As well as a boozer
Who sat with a half-witted grin
A man who was partial to gin
hailed his partner in drink as his kin
but got into trouble
so drunk he saw double
and thought that the guy was his twin.
They drank ’til a quarter to three.
Both men (one imaginary).
Then came their perplexion
when up popped the question:
“Who’ll drive us both home, you or me?”
A girl who was partial to gin
Would later explain, with chagrin,
“I think it’s the ice
Or maybe the lime slice
That puts my poor head in a spin.
A man who was partial to gin
Estranged all his kith and his kin;
‘Shum tipple all day
Keepsh the fambly away,’
Was what he remarked with a grin.
A man who was partial to gin
Said, ‘Juniper berries are in;
Stuff from malt, grapes and hops
Is best left in shops,
Or, better still, cast in a bin.’
A man who was partial to gin
Said ‘Come on, let the party begin!’
But with constantly boozing,
And teenage-girl floozing,
He ended up like Errol Flynn.
*
A man who was partial to gin
Wouldn’t change but just grinned
What do I care
This is my fare
No one’s bother of how I’ve sinned
A man who was partial to gin
Mixed a cocktail to pour the stuff in
He chopped up a weenie
Into his martini……….
Wurst shape he has EVER been in!
A man who was partial to gin
Made white Russians for a fin
A friend called him a fink
You use vodka in the drink
But these Russians come with a bedroom spin.
A gal who was partial to gin
and more than occasional sin,
would take any guy
who just happened by
and let the big dope stick it in.
Now she’s ruing the day
she let virtue just fall away
She’s big now with child
and no longer wild
All she can say is “Oy Vey!”
A man who was partial to gin,
Sucked many back after his big win.
He awoke the next day,
And to his dismay,
Was lying next to a relative of Rin Tin Tin
A gal who was partial to gin
Found that it led her to sin
With men in great numbers
Dock workers and plumbers
So she didn’t know where to begin.
A man who was partial to gin
Had visions of growing more thin
Heard of the gin diet
Decided to try it–
An empty head now tops this pin!
A gal who was partial to gin
At Mauna Kea she stood on the rim
She stared at the bottle
And with speed she did throttle
The booze down her throat she didn’t win
A man who was partial to gin
Would drink ’til it ran down his chin.
Not much fun at a party,
He’d start out hale and hearty
But pass out, his face in a grin.
A man who was partial to gin
To work was ever late getting in.
When he got home, Wife would say,
“Change ties–it’s the start of your day!”
He was a loser in every way.
The boss would have fired him, but
They both were in the same rut.
The economy adrift,
Both gave their jobs short shrift
Thinking by cards they could “make the cut.”
But they both ended up in the gutter.
One tried golf, but he wasn’t a putter.
They moved to Las Vegas and
Tried their hand at cards in the sand
But it all disappeared in a sputter.
[WOW! That was lame desperation, eh? LOL!]
A gal who was partial to gin,
‘Cause it gave her a license to sin,
Finally gave up on men,
And swore “Never again!”
Since the last one turned out to be kin.
A gal who was partial to gin
Committed a marital sin.
She finally confessed
What her husband had guessed
From the evidence there on her chin.
A man who was partial to gin,
As the liquor vermouth should be in,
When offered some vodka,
Wound up in the squad car
The bartender called in chagrin.
A man who was partial to gin
Drank too much of it, to his chagrin.
His hangover fog
Needs some Hair Of The Dog
So: “More gin! Let the healing begin!”
A man who was partial to gin,
For a bet he was trying to win,
Followed gin with some rum,
Then tequila – how dumb!
It came out the same way it went in.
OK, one more, then I really gotta stop and do something else (sheesh!):
A gal who was partial to gin
Drank her dinner – day out and day in.
“It’s the thing that I love,
And the big secret of
How I keep so incredibly thin.”
A man who was partial to gin
had a brother who loved Scotch (his twin.)
But regardless, they’d swill
like the devil, for thrill.
In their book, not to drink was a sin.
A gal who was partial to gin
liked her Gimlets with extra lime in,
‘cause when sippin’, she’d pucker
for each barfly sucker
who’d pass by and give her a grin.
A man who was partial to gin
Performed a contortionist spin.
When asked how he stuck it,
Said “I’m from Nantucket,”
And flashed a lascivious grin.
Not content to let Craig corner the questionable taste market, I’ll offer one more:
A gal who was partial to gin
Warned her lover, “Before you begin,
I’ll wager a nickel
Your cuke will be pickle
The moment that you stick it in.”
A gal who was partial to gin,
became an embarrassment to her country and kin,
when a party of bigots caved in,
and thought they would give a woman a spin.
When all she could do was talk stupid and grin,
and changed the talk of the country to Palin.
A gal who was partial to gin,
found a man who was partial to sin.
When the gal would drink gin,
it would make her give in,
to the priest she was repenting her sin.
“revised”, “better”
A gal who was partial to gin,
found a man who was partial to sin.
When the gal would drink gin,
she would always cave in,
to the priest confessing her sin.
OK last one
A gal who was partial to gin,
married a man with a prick like a pin.
In her gin induced fog,
she always slept like a log,
but her kids all looked like the dog.
A man who was partial to gin
Said, “The GOP folks,” with a grin,
“Are so foolish and dumb
That this drunken old bum,
Should campaign; I’d be certain to win!”
A man who was partial to gin
Went on game shows, and thought he could win.
But his chance? Microscopic:
He said “Pants” for the topic
“What I usually urinate in.”
Dang, these are addictive:
A man who was partial to gin.
Has discovered the wages of sin:
“I’ve a brand-new tattoo
And I’m missing a shoe,
And I’ve still got no clue where I’ve been!”
A man who was partial to gin
His wallet was down to a fin
He begged to the clerk
Who was quite a jerk
And popped him one right in the chin
A man who was partial to gin
liked limericks ’bout men who did grin
He knew he mistuck it
The dude from Nantucket
Was only just scratching his chin
A gal who was partial to gin
had scars up and down her shin
When on her knees
she never said please
Just shimmied herself right on in
A couple quite partial to gin
In public they often did sin
Got it on in a crowd
They were rather loud
All sounds that were lost in the din
A man who was partial to gin
Imbibed as his paint job begin
He felt rather faint
As it spilled in his paint
Oh well, I’ll just drink the thin
A gal who was partial to gin
Engaged in such contests herein
Although she tried hard
She just was no bard
Her problem was making it rhyme
A man who was partial to gin
caused limericks that made us all grin
I offer this post
To amuse our host
Cuz no way in hell will it win
A man who was partial to gin
Got married and was off with a grin
They went to Niagara
But he left his Viagra
“A flop”, when the reviews came in
A man who was partial to gin,
A cruise ship captain who was an Italian,
put his gin, and his ship on the rocks,
he was seen sprinting only in socks,
and was the first to abandon his ship.
A man who was partial to gin
thought all whom he knew had a twin.
When he found out the trouble
that caused him to see double,
then his path to sobriety would begin.
A Ferret who was partial to gin,
would get loaded and hit on the Minks at the gym.
In the weasel world cross breading is a sin,
but the Ferret thought one day a masked Mink might be in.
“OK sorry I have had to much gin!”
I”m fixing stuff
A man who was partial to gin,
a cruise ship captain who was an Italian,
put his gin, and ship on the rocks.
He was seen sprinting in only his socks,
and was the first to abandon his ship to the docks.
A man who was partial to gin
in London, but not in Berlin,
Admitted: “Perhaps
My pref’rence in schnapps
Depends on the city I’m in.”
A man who was partial to gin
Was singing “The Mighty Quinn”
He was drunk as snot
And soon he forgot
Is the last word “without” or “within”?
A man who was partial to gin
Was convinced he was Erroll Flynn
As pissed as a fart
He forgot his part
And what flick he thought he was in.
A man who was partial to gin
Drank and drank cause he never fit in
He stood on a post
Raised his glass up in toast
And said, “Seagrams, you’re a true friend”
A man who was partial to gin
Saw a lake that he chose to jump in.
Then he started to think
When he felt himself sink –
Oops! I guess I should learn how to swim!
you got a literal LOL from me
A man who was partial to gin
Pitched relief in the Red Sox bullpen
When put in to save the big game
Found the gin had ruined his aim
And he then plunked a fan in Row 10
A gal who was partial to gin,
Would lick every drop off her chin.
She shrugged off her affliction
When accused of addiction
“That’s a slur!” she would say, with a grin.
Now, that’s excellent!
A man who was partial to gin
Took his new bike for a spin
Wrecked, they tangled as one
And could not be undone
So they notified his next of Schwinn
A chap who was partial to gin
Created a heck of a din,
The bouncers then bounced him,
His girlfriend renounced him,
And slammer he’s in for his sin.
A man who was partial to gin
Used to drink till it covered his chin
With a glistening spritz.
It is sad, but that fits
The description of half of my kin.
(The other half are the women.)
A gal who was partial to gin
Drank dry every bar she was in
She’d drink without tonic
At speeds supersonic
And boy did the bartenders grin
A man who was partial to gin
imagined he was Ho Chi Minh
He stood with a snap
Pointed to a map
Said, “My trail is marked with a pin!”
Hey, poor Ho Chi hasn’t gotten any love with these rhymes yet :) So, off I flail into territory unknown….
A gal who was partial to gin
Didn’t know where to begin
To fix a fine brew
From a dry bottle she knew
Would leave her in utter chagrin.
A gal an who was partial to gin
Wished to play at gin rummy. A sin?
Her fantasy? Cash
A very large stash
Due to drink, though, she never could win.
A man who was partial to gin
Played guitar like some mystical djinn
But during his vamp
He rubbed on a lamp
His wishes had yet to begin!
a man who was partial to gin
had breath like pine needle sin
blew noxious clouds
when he belched aloud
with the ladies was all done in
A gal who was partial to gin
Eschewed food and soon grew very thin.
Her early demise
Was not a surprise.
She sipped from a straw and fell in.
a man who was partial to gin
grew over the years very thin
he played chess all day long
singing that one silly song
that was like a lullaby to him
Great limerick, Madeleine. Here’s a bad one on short notice.
A man who was partial to gin
went to the circus in Flynn.
When the acrobats twirled
his dinner got hurled.
He never went to the circus again.
This gal who was partial to gin,
slyly said with a wink and a grin,
it can change a dull bore
into a sex-starved whore.
Grab the bottle and hit me again!
A gal who was partial to gin
woke up in the local prison
her whole demeanor stank
sitting in the drunk tank –
with her head trapped in the trash bin.
I found the most perfect picture. check it out Trash Bin Drunk
Hi Madeleine,
Thanks for stopping by and for such a lovely comment. I’m so sorry I’m not much of a one for limericks but will try and put my thinking cap on ;)
A man who was partial to gin
also had an identical twin.
One night he made a pass,
and was a complete ass,
then his brother took it on the chin.
by Michael Grove
Hi – Eyes closing but wanted to give some a try…
********************
A man who was partial to gin
Was a rummy known to all friends and kin
When implored please to stop
Up he’d sloppily hop
Shouting “What’s wrong with some cards! Shut your din! “
*******************
A man who was partial to gin
Delighted from end back to begin
A concerned hand on his arm
Would trip in him an alarm
Having him run circles with a half in bag grin
******************
A man who was partial to gin
Decided a gams contest he’d win
Even though he was a guy
Thought this block he’d get by
His ginned mirror told him his legs a shoe in
***************
A man who was partial to gin
Tonic never did he ever begin
Took it straight down
Any way else was for a clown
Till his lady the White Rock Queen contest did win
A man who was partial to gin
Said I’ll beat you hands down and then win”
Took a hammer and pounded
As the poor other guy bounded
From this literal lush all yang and no yin
*********************
A gal who was partial to gin
Claimed it bolstered her feminine Yin
And when faced with a gang
A’brim-full of male Yang
Her gin brim-full Yin would still win.
A man who was partial to gin
Was clad in a suit from Pierre Cardin
Piously devoted to his drink
He ignored his lady’s wink
The lady divorced him for this sin
A gal who was partial to gin
Saw an opportunity for a win
She offered him another glass
He gladly accepted it with class
Together they went for a spin
A man who was partial to gin
but could never seem to win
said, “It’s not that I’m dumb,
I just likes me rum
and never know when to say when
A man who was partial to gin
Thought a singing contract he could win
But the”Idol” judges sent him packing
When his voice was slurred and lacking
Now he sings Karaoke at the Holiday Inn
A gal who was partial to gin
Would call me some nights after ten
“I’m lost,” she would swear
“No, you’re just downstairs
Prob’ly wandered in the closet again”
A gal who was partial to gin
Claimed it added a glow to her skin
When the host served red wine
she got up and said “fine”
and delivered a toast with a grin.
A man who was partial to Gin
During breakfast is when he’d begin
He mixed Tanqueray and Tropicana
Brush his teeth with Ipana
And have an ALL DAY shit eating grin!
A man who was partial to gin
Cared not that some thought it a sin
With each glass he’d pour
He’d want that much more
’til his acts would cause him chagrin!
A priest who was partial to gin
And overindulged in his sin
With shivers of shock
Was addressing his flock!
And, shaken, he said, ” god can’t win!”
A man who was partial to gin
and tonic with lime to begin,
Soon nixed the tonic
Was pronounced pneumonic
Losing all the respect of his kin.
————————–
A man who was partial to Gin
Rummy, and poker would grin
When he had a good
Failed to keep his face bland
There was simply no game he could win.
—————————-
A dame who was partial to gin
during prohibition, a sin,
Danced the Charleston each night
In a beam of spotlight
`Til the Feds armed with axes moved in.
A man who was partial to gin
gave the cop a lop-sided grin
Oh, Sgt. McDermitt
you may lift my permit
Still I’ll ride to the bar on my Schwinn
A man who was partial to gin,
Drank cocktails while searching for sin.
But he didn’t get far,
Driving fast in his car.
Now I think you best call next of kin.
a gal who was partial to gin
was one of a southern twin
she could not resist,
to give an assist,
and share a glass with her twin.
A man who was partial to gin
Awoke with his ass in a bin
As he left the dumpster
He pulled off his rumpster
A used and unraveled lambskin
A man who was partial to gin
Used his tub for distilling some in,
But his wife, unaware,
Stripped herself bare
And pickled her pretty pink skin.
A woman was partial to gin,
Bridge, canasta: her drive was to win.
A game of strip poker–
Now that nearly broke her–
Reduced her to panties and skin.
Lovely Ilsa was partial to gin
When she spotted Rick’s place and went in.
In old Casablanca
She used lingua franca
To ask that Sam “Play It Agin”.
A man who was partial to gin
Told his bartender once with a grin,
“Maurice, I insist
That you toss in a twist,
For my doctor says I am too thin.”
A man who was partial to gin
Said, “The thing is that when I begin
I find I can’t stop
Till the world is a top
And I’m dizzily watching it spin.”
A chap who was partial to gin
Announced, “Don’t put tonic within
The glass that I drink from.
It’s a practice I shrink from.
Diluting one’s liquor’s a sin.”
A man who was partial to gin
Was wholly committed to sin.
“‘Partial,’ I think,
Is okay if it’s drink,
But I always take all if it’s skin.”
A man who was partial to Gin-
Seng tea told me, “Tetley’s a sin,
Just warmed-over piddle.
It’s an out-of-tune fiddle
While Ginseng’s a fine violin.”
A man who is partial to gin
Meets a gal who thinks card games are sin,
But she gives up her scruples
When his money quadruples.
“It’s a virtue,” she says, “If you win.
A man who was partial to gin
Asked me, “Are you a yang or a yin?”
“I’m yang,” I replied,
“Outside of my hide,
But I’m utterly yangless within.”
A man who was partial to gin
Announced with a lopsided grin
“I’m giving up drinking
And taking up thinking,
I just don’t know where to begin”/
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! LImerick of the Week 52.
But you can can still have fun with limericks because a new Limerick-Off has already begun: Shrill Limerick.