Hick Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who looked like a hick…*
or
A woman who looked like a hick…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Hick Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who looked like a hick
Met a woman who poured it on thick.
But you can’t tell a book
By its cover. It took
Him no time to see right through her schtick.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Aphorism Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Hicks Humor, Limerick Contest, Maxims, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Schtick, Shtick, Writing Prompts
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was really quite smart and quite slick.
When they questioned his brain
He said ‘Do that again
And I’ll give you a whack with a stick!’
A fellow who looked like a hick
Became very rich very quick;
Girls gathered around
For they quickly found
It’s wealth over looks they would pick!
A fellow who looked like a hick
Changed women all too quick
Despite his wanton ways
He was not short of lays
Cause he had one hell of a dick
A fellow who looked like a hick
Thought he would let it stick
Tried just as hard
Thought was smart
Not good enough to make it tick
A fellow who looked like a hick
Came out of the Deliverance flick
Heard a banjo play
Said No Way
And ran off fearing the dick
A fellow who looked like a hick
Said “I’ll be your G.O.P. pick…
Just send me your money…
And it will always be sunny…
But you’re S.O.L. if you get sick.”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was a Perry, by the name of Rick.
He was nobody’s foil
Selling that snake oil
For in reality, he was really quite slick.
a fellow who looked like a hick
took a hike up the hill by the crick
tossed in a line
napped for a time
the size of his cath’d make you sick
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was adept with the carrot and stick;
“On the hill in DC
Was the college,” said he,
“Where I learned this political trick.”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was overheard scolding a stick:
“Slim, I’ll whip yer behind,
You don’t learn to be kind —
Now go on, kiss your lil sister Brick.”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Walked into the bank with a stick.
When they thought it a gun,
He took off on the run
Saying, “No, wait! That’s a dirty trick!”
“I’m not lookin’ for trouble, just cash.
Thought I’d take a bit outta my stash
And git me a cane
With a lion’s head and mane.
You can calm all your fear and abash.”
So they did and they gave him his loot.
He left, proud as a bandicoot.
Stick still in hand,
Like the leader of a band,
He waved ‘bye–the stick subject was moot.
Fashion Victim
A woman who looked like a hick,
Hoped fashion could do the trick.
She bought and bought.
-Never had the thought,
She’d be another en vogue ‘vic’!
A fellow who looked like a hick,
was feeling quite queasy and sick.
I should be in bed,
but I sit here instead,
writing a new limerick.
A fellow who looked like a hick.
In truth was the city boy Rick.
A real cosmopolitan
With a knack for investin’
And a valet whose name it was Nick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Used butter to make his hair slick
When he walked in the sun
He burned like a bun
In a toaster whose pop up would stick.
Limericks aren’t my strongest form but here goes…
A fellow who looked like a hick
met up with a rich city chick.
He thought he had no chance in hell
with such a fine mademoiselle,
but it turned out opposites click.
(not my original ending but wasn’t sure if the first one would be, uh, “appropriate”….LOL)
A fellow who looked like a hick
knew how to do one snappy trick.
Bobbed his adam’s apple
while drinking a Snapple
In time to a metronome’s tick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Saw “The Artist,” a popular flick
He said, “Hey! The sound
“Is turned all the way down!
“I want a refund, what the frick?”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Found that women aren’t easy trick,
Though he wore tighter pants
In attempts to enhance
(In profile) the size of his dick.
A woman who looked like a hick
Applied lipstick from a licorice stick
It was red as a berry
Tasted sweet as a cherry
And made her the guys’ favorite chick..
A fellow who looked like a hick,
But neither a Mac nor a Mick,
Wore plaid to disguise
And hide the surprise
That he was a hired private dick.
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was defamed in an internet trick,
With no shred of decorum.
(Just google “santorum,”
To see what they said about Rick!)
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was making his play with some chick.
He said “Babe don’t be nervous,
I’m here for your service,
And I promise I’ll never be quick.”
I’ve posted the original ending over on FB on Madeleines post. A bit naughty but funny.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Once lit his hair like a wick
To try and be brighter
With the help of a lighter
Now he looks like a candle stick
How do you write Limericks! I just can’t. ever
RESPECT. :)
A fellow who looked like a hick
Proved looks are deceiving: a tick
Bit my leg on his farm,
And he warned that the harm
Could be great ‘less a doc was seen quick.
A poet who looked like a hick
Cleverly made money quick:
Selling ads in this space
Like, “Let’s all bank with Chase!”,
“Click your Bic” and “Shave smoother with Shick!”
I wish….
A fellow who looked like a hick
Tried to master the three-card trick
He got in a mess
And had to confess
‘I’m clearly as thick as a brick.’
A woman who looked like a hick
Got cross when folk took the mick;
She hired a life coach
Now there’s no reproach
Because she’s a beautiful chick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
with a straw hat to hide his cowlick
appeared at the stand
for a woman to brand
magic potion on his hard dick.
A woman who looked like a hick,
made my pre-pubescent heart tick.
She was a virgin, I know,
‘cuz she could outrun Jethro.
Yes, Ellie Mae sure did the trick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
was deemed to be mentally sick
’cause in drag he dressed,
a sign on his chest
that said “kiss the sweet bearded chick”.
A fellow who looked like a (c)hick
Hair flowing as well as real thick
I took just one look
From behind I was hooked
But his package would not do the trick
J Sardo, you are so funny. Both are great but I love the one with the butter
:)
I tried and tried. The one version was unprintable, and the others just didn’t scan.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Brewed some moonshine that made him feel sick.
It was made extra strong,
But it somehow went wrong,
‘Cuz he’s blind now and speaks with a tic!
A fellow who looked like a hick
Had breath that made most folks go “ick”
Till he discovered one day
Mouthwash in a spray
And thereafter made nobody sick
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Face scarred as if with a stick
Died on his farm,
old man with no charm,
but money buried thick as a brick.
————————————————
A fellow who looked like a hick
Toured the city and became sick
You can take all your people
For my country steeple
Serves me well, though you’re slick, I’m no Vic.
You always crack me up!
A fellow who looked like a hick
was watching a porno flick.
He was all through
just as he grew.
Like every time that hick was quick.
A fellow who looked like a hick.
could not get a date with a chick.
But he was quite chipper
when he met a stripper
and paid her so she’d turn a trick.
A fellow that looks like a Hick
Has a harem of buxom young Chicks
He isn’t particularly Hung
But has a rather long Tongue
And they prefer to be Licked, than be Pricked!
A fellow who looked like a hick
Whose father was in politics
Opposed one, Al Gore
Won with less votes, not more
Oy, what a cruel, cruel trick
A fellow who looked like a hick
built a privy of mortar and brick
When he bragged to his kin,
6 or 7 moved in
Now they do 1 and 2 in the crick
[ick]
A woman who looked like a hick
had a dog that could learn any trick
But that pick of the litter
one day up and bit her
So she paddled the pooch with a stick
[no animals were harmed in the writing of this limerick]
A fellow who looked like a hick —
Good ole Texan whose name wasn’t Rick,
Tween testicular gland
And his lasso in hand,
Weren’t no surplus that dude couldn’t lick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
(Y’know the type; straw-chewin’, thick)
Hollered. “Hey man! How DARE-ya-type
“Such a non-PC ster-ya-type!”
Now that’s spooky! I’m outta here quick!
A woman who looked like a hick
Show jumping her best pogo stick,
In the end proved her worth
Lies in more than her girth —
You should see that old gal clear a tick.
already spun through once so i will just say, have a nice OLN…smiles.
A fellow who looked like a hick
was afraid he appeared to be thick.
If a man came too near
and tried to get our boy’s ear,
he would soon beat him off with a stick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was wavering, “Should I back Rick?
I used to be for him,
But I looked up Santorum
On Google, and now I say YICK!”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was wooing a right purty chick.
He said, “Ma’am, the nose
That the Lawd above chose
When he made you, I also would pick!
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was wondering, “Why not say ‘tick’
And leave out the ‘tock’?
What’s the deal with that, clock?”
(His head had been smashed with a brick).
A fellow who looks like a hick
(Stringy hair, overalls, well-sucked pick)
Winked at me o’er a melon
Like a ripe, backwoods felon —
Oops, I stomped your zucchini there, Slick!
A woman who looked like a hick,
Became a Vice President pick.
Was her campaign just a folly?
You betcha, by golly!
And her fame sank as fast as a brick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Loved ice cream so he took a lick
Soon his stomach began churning
And his tongue started burning
No doubt about it: he was sick.
Young Tatum who dressed like a hick
Appeared with her dad in a flick.
“Paper Moon” was its title
And her role was vital:
Abetting his Bible scam trick.
Newt Gingrich who looks like a hick
Is famous for one simple trick:
Selling lies to the crowd,
As he yells them real loud,
Then smiling as some of them stick.
Santorum says (aping a hick):
Education is merely a trick
To indoctrinate all;
What he means is “The gall
Of you joining our one percent clique!”
A woman who looked like a hick
Wished for fame as a beauteous chick.
So she redid her image,
Changed shape, dress, and visage,
And starred in a mind-numbing flick.
OK, Mad. In response to your solicitation for yet more LimerICKs. (A variation on a theme, but…)
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was a-ponderin’ Newt, Mitt, and Rick:
“Which-a these millionaires
Can pretend that he cares
About me? That’s the slicker I’ll pick.”
A fellow who looked like a hick
Picked his nose and proceeded to flick.
Had he known she was there, and it’d stick in her hair,
He’d have probably just chosen to lick.
A fella who looks like a hick
Is selling himself as THE pick
Anti-war and pro-drugs
Pro-low tax, anti-thugs…
He’s a pol–that means just another dick.
A guy who looked just like a hick
Thought he’d dazzle a gal with his dick,
When he pulled it out,
She called him a lout
And gave his groin one hard, swift kick.
A gent who resembled a hick
Bore the princely name of Frederick.
Appearing somewhat uncouth,
When he opened his mouth
Proved it! He was thick as a brick!
There was a woman who looked like a hick;
It was her clothes–they’d not be my pick.
Puffy sleeves, little bows
Gingham plaid, heaven knows!
“New” old-fashioned style, quite a trick!
A woman who looked like a hick
Made an impression on us that’ll stick.
Blonde and buxom her style,
Come-hither eyes and great smile!
“It’s ‘spensive to look cheap!” is her schtick.
It’s the music that made her a star
People know it–those near and those far.
We hear “I’ll always love you”
And we KNOW that it’s true!
We sing along while driving our car.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Thought he was a PRINCE with a dick.
A legend in his own mind,
He avoided all ties that bind
And died drunk, a lonely old prick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was just trying to impress his chick
He said,”I’ve got this website that’s cool”
She said,”You’re such a nerd and a fool
Your Facebook concept will never stick.”
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Made jealous hunks crazy and sick.
When asked why gals love him,
He said with a broad grin,
“It’s all how I flutter and flick”.
What a fun batch of limericks. Please keep them coming.
Just a heads up that my Limerick Of the Week post and new Limerick-Off post may possibly be late. My net connection’s spotty right now. So while I’ll try to post at the usual time, it may be a problem. Thanks for your patience!
I’m new to this, and not sure if we should post here as well as Facebook – forgive the double-posting if I’m doing it wrong.
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Hit the city and picked up a chick.
They drunkenly mated
But his passion abated
When he found out that chick had a dick.
A fellow who looked like a hick
Pretended that he was real sick
So he called on a nurse
Who wasn’t adverse
And went home that night with the chick.
A pirate who looked like a hick
Couldn’t fool us with his wardrobe trick;
He invaded our boat
With a handwritten note
That ended with: I’ll take yawl (sic).
Thanks everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award winner and the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick of the Week 51.
But you can still have lots of limerick-writing fun — a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Ginning Up Limericks.
Love reading your limericks, but I am not such a limerick writer. I am a haiku poet. I write Japanese short poems and some other haiku forms.
But … nevertheless I loved reading this limerick and all the nice ones written in the comments.
Thanks, Chevrefeuille! I enjoy haiku and will be sure to stop by your blog.