Campaigning For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who ran a campaign…*
or
A fellow who ran a campaign…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Campaigning For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who ran a campaign
To sell drugs that were good for the brain
Was stunned and quite pissed
At the side effect list.
She flushed pills and her job down the drain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Advertising Humor, Employment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limerick Contest, Marketing Humor, Medications, Medicine, Poetry & Prompts, Side Effects Limerick, Workplace & Career Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman who ran a campaign
To assist the poor masculine brain
Found her husband rebelled
And frequently yelled
She’s simply my old ‘ball-and-chain!’
Rinkly, I have one like that! He even carved a long chain out of a single branch of holly, leaving a chunk of wood attached at the bottom! And that’s what he calls me.
and here’s my contribution:
A poet who ran a campaign
to abolish the cheapest champagne
was forced to explain
why she meant to abstain –
said champagne should not be mundane
Post 999
A woman who ran a campaign:
Elect me – I use Restylane!
But only for filler;
My creds are just killer…
Her candidacy was in vain.
A woman who ran a campaign
Blew sunny, then cool, oops – now rain;
Hold me to my word?
How constraining, absurd!
It’s the public that we have to train.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Which trod only HIGH ground: insane!
People say, “Turn the…cheek”
And I’ve tried, but look weak.
He’ll never hold office, it’s plain.
A couple who ran a campaign:
Brick for Mayor! and Guv, Bessie Jane!
Were all sweetness, kissed air
In the cameras’ bright glare.
Meanwhile, they could barely refrain
From letting their true selves come out.
Post election, there wasn’t a doubt
What the state had elected,
To what it was subjected…
Voters whined, then proceeded to pout
Then called for a recall, in vain.
Entrenched amidst ill-gotten gain,
“We’ve got the top lawyer –
Sure as I’m Brick Sawyer!”
(Which vaguely smacked of MISuse: Twain).
So is there a lesson to learn here?
Don’t vote after drinking your third beer.
Sure, he’s tall and she’s cute,
With such white teeth to boot!
But who are they really? You SHOULD fear…
A woman who ran a campaign
For running a mother/pram train
Ran into the fate
That trains all ran late –
So that plan ran down the damn drain!
*excitedly* Do I get extra points for the double-rhyme? Do I? Do I? Or does it run on too much? :)
A woman who ran a campaign
together with John McCain
behaved so madly
and lost so badly
so she finally went totally insane
(Uh, now I did it to Sarah Palin!)
A fellow who ran a campaign
Said “Vote for me, Herman Cain!”
But remarks on Gaddafi
Gummed his words up like toffee
Leaving stuff twirling ’round in his brain
A woman who ran a campaign
Won and broke out the champagne
But to her chagrin
It turned out to be gin
But nary did a fellow complain.
A *bimbo* who ran a campaign
To save local forests from rain
Clucked like an old hen
When accosted by men
Shouting “Hey, me Tarzan, you Jane!”
A fellow who ran a campaign
To ensure he would see every train
Took his anorak and flask
So that should it steam past
He could take down the numbers, again.
A woman who ran a campaign
Found she was in the wrong lane
But she couldn’t stop
Or call a cop
As that’s what you get when you ride a train
In honor of “Valentine’s Day” I’ve submitted a Limerick which describes how my lovely wife Madeleine picked me up on a commuter train.
It was nearly eleven o’clock at night. I was leaving my job on Wall Street, and she was returning home from a classical music rehearsal in Manhattan.
I guess I looked quite studly in my three piece suit because she gave me this warm wicked smile as I strode down the aisle. I sat down across from her, smiled back and well you know the rest.
A woman who ran a campaign
For wooing a fellow named Kane,
Just winked with a grin,
And hinted at sin,
As together they rode on a train.
Alternate wording:
A bimbo who ran a campaign
To save all the forests from rain
Clucked like an old hen
When accosted by men
Jeering “Hey, me Tarzan, you Jane!”
A fellow who ran a campaign
To ensure he could spot every train
Took his anorak and flask
So that, should it steam past,
He could take down the numbers, again.
A man who ran a campaign
Was caught in a situation he couldn’t explain
He told a lie
Bout the other guy
Now an apology he’ll have to feign.
A woman believed a campaign
On drugs to cure her of pain
But she couldn’t win
Her bones all grew thin
Now she won’t take those drugs again.
Sarah Palin’s Remains
A woman agreed to run in a campaign
Found out she had a lion by the mane
Although overwhelming opinion
Guaranteed the lion’s dominion
She won’t disappear … traces remain!
Beehive hairdo, signature spectacles
Opinions and bold-as-brass testicles
With her cheat sheet intact,
She never worries over fact.
Free speech, sour grapes, her pinnacle!
A woman who ran a campaign
had trouble when out in the rain
Her mascarra would run
and the crowd would make fun
’cause it made her look terribly insane.
A fellow who ran a campaign
to try and sell more quiche Lorraine,
said the eggs and the cheese
had the best guarantees.
And the bacon’s the best, he’d explain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
on a platform of eminent domain
was surprised when his lands
went for government plans.
“I didn’t mean me,” he’d complain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
went straight for the ‘jugular vein’
of a entrant’s composure
regarding disclosure.
It’s now part of public domain.
A woman who ran a campaign
Backed a candidate…well, quite insane
His platform was crazy
His ideas were hazy
To think about ’em caused a migraine!
All that money and this is the best?
HE is who’ll rise above the rest?
The people were irate
The campaign runner second rate
Should she quit and just take a rest?
She thought: quality sure doesn’t matter.
Nor does a candidate’s doubletalk patter.
No one cares if he’s phony
As long as he’s a crony
I’ll stay and serve his head on a platter.
A woman who ran a campaign
To have Valentine’s Day remembered–again
For the first time in 20 years
She wanted not to shed tears
So Post-It notes became hubby’s bain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Against creepy-crawlies had had quite a reign
He and his wife
Led quite the pest-free life
Whenever she screamed, one was slain.
(I’m sure you can see I’ve left this one wide open for unending verses about various murders from spideys to meeses to hapless intruders. I was tempted, too, to go on, but I spared you all . . . THIS time!)
This is a bit out of date, but here’s a limerick for you:
A woman who ran a campaign
engaged her mouth more than her brain
with her big lipstick smile
and speech full of bile
‘You bet-cha’ she’s flippin’ insane!
A woman who ran a campaign
Bent the rules again and again
When at last she was caught
She replied “ I care naught
I’ve had my minutes of fame.”
late but it caught my fancy
(Note From Mad Kane: It’s not late at all! You have a full week to submit limericks to each Limerick-Off challenge, and this one’s just begun.)
A fellow who ran a campaign,
is lobbying Madeleine Kane,
to forego her rule,
cuz Mark’s rhyme is cool.
And nobody here would complain.
A fellow was on a campaign,
of easing our financial strain.
But each self-serving louse,
in the Senate and House,
would rather cut Capital Gains.
I’m back for another try. Here goes:
A woman who ran a campaign,
advertising the delights of Spain,
when asked by a kid:
“What’s it like in Madrid?”
Said, “That’s Iowa, boy, where’s your brain?”
Amen to that!
a man who ran a campaign
let it take over his brain
buttons & kisses
but not his missus
now he’s left out in the rain
A fellow who ran a campaign
to drink only the finest champagne
Think of the nerve
to drink only Verve
Whilst people all starve in Bahrain!
A woman who ran a campaign
her ethics slid down the drain
promised wrinkles be gone
sold face cream for a song
face washed away in the rain
A woman who ran a campaign
was quite tipsy from drinking champagne;
her red lipstick was smeared,
she was acting quite weird,
she just laughed and blamed it on the rain.
A woman who ran a campaign
To dance and disrobe for some rain
Picked out Times Square as venue.
Cops said “Not on menu!”
She awoke in a ward marked `insane.’
—————————–
A woman who ran a campaign
for the Senate did not deign
to sling mud at opponents
instead gave them donuts
whose truth serum filling removed all restrain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
knew his boss was truly insane
But he hid it so well
Since his pay was so swell
And voters were accustomed to lame.
A fellow who ran a campaign
was enjoying life in the fast lane;
when his car got a flat
his career it went splat,
I hear he now sells shoes in Fort Wayne.
A fellow who ran a campaign…
Was maybe too polite to complain…
But the guy he was supporting…
Had gals who were always reporting…
Which is why you don’t see Herman Cain
A woman who ran a campaign
unwisely stayed sloshed on champagne.
She said “Woe is I!
The campaign passed me by”
and never was heard from again.
Hee hee.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Called, “MAKE ENGLISH SPELLING MORE SAIGN”
Had been told by his betters
“Avoid silent letters!”;
Good advice – alas, given in vaign. :(
A woman who ran a campaign
To seduce her neighbor’s man main
Was alarmed and annoyed
At being quite toyed
Won the bum, six kids, and a postcard from Spain
A woman who ran a campaign
To clean up the streets stinky drain
Was flushed red in the face
When city published end of the case
Hubby’s condoms had clogged up the main
A woman who ran a campaign
To oust her neighbor’s Great Dane
Was chagrined and quite red
When her college son said
Was not a dog but a frat prank poo lain
A Woman once ran a Campaign
To go knicker less without any shame
But it was such a disgrace
She was found sporting lace
Citing attracting a man was to blame
A fellow who ran a campaign
To be President failed to obtain
Proper documentation
Of his birthplace location
(But he still got more votes than McCain).
A woman who ran a campaign
Secretly believed her boss quite inane
He primped and he preened
Like an old beauty queen
No votes proved t’was all done in vain
A fellow who ran a campaign,
Treated women and gays with disdain.
His name was Santorum,
And the voters ignored him,
He went home with his head hung in shame.
A fellow that ran a campaign
Would explain that his gal was Plain Jane,
Was experienced, dressed smart,
That she had a big heart.
It’s a shame that the dame had no brain.
A fellow who ran a campaign,
Treated women and gays with disdain.
His name was Santorum,
And the voters ignored him,
His career was derailed like a train.
A fellow who ran a campaign,
Got most of his funding from Bain.
But to the 99 percent,
His reputation clearly meant
He’d get the mansions and they’d bear the pain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Tried to hide his wrongdoings in vain.
In attempt to save face,
He dropped out of the race;
Now Republicans aren’t raising Cain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Started slow but then started to gain
On the front-runner, Mitt.
He was helped (just a bit)
By endorsements from David Mustaine.
A daft woman ran a campaign
To have her body removed from her brain,
Her surgeon complied,
She not surprisingly died –
But she’s not in the position t’complain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
in New Orleans, was heard to explain,
“All this vice is bad news!
Out with jazz and the booze!”
…They threw him in Lake Ponchartrain.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Could scarcely conceal his disdain
For folks unlike him
Whose prospects were dim
Since he’d downsized their asses at Bain.
G-O-P-ers who’ve waged a campaign
Against women: You’d better abstain
From believing your dicks
Make us poweless chicks
Or bleed votes from the jugular vein.
A fellow who ran a campaign
Told us, “Women should simply abstain,
No ifs ands or buts,
Since no one likes sluts!”
But Newt said, “You must be insane!”
Campaign
A fellow who ran a campaign,
bought cases of high class champagne
expecting to win
took it on the chin,
now drowns sorrow without much restrain.
This fellow with high aspiration
faced up to public condemnation.
so he switched his platform
swinging left of the norm.
It became quite an abomination.
By Michael Grove
A fellow who ran a campaign,
Found his efforts had all been in vain.
Though he spent tons of money,
He was not smart, just funny,
And his cash disappeared down the drain.
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week winner and the Honorable Mention winners! You can find the winners list here.
But a new Limerick-Off challenge has already begun: Limerick Degree.
A man who ran a campaign
Freaked out and went quite insane.
His demands were erratic,
Staff gave him great static;
Turns out his meds were to blame.