Hidden Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to hide…*
or
A woman was trying to hide…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Hidden Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to hide
The fact that he’d patently lied
In claiming to be
A chem Ph.D.,
When he never had even applied.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Dishonesty, Education & School Humor, Limerick Contest, Patent Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Science Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow was trying to hide
All his issues way down deep inside.
Then, along came a gal
Who was more than a pal.
She helped his heart open — and wide!
A fat fellow was trying to hide
all the beer that he’d put inside
so he pulled in his belt
till it left a great welt
but the flesh popped out either side.
A fellow was trying to hide
From his overly amorous bride.
He said “Wait a bit!
It’s time to admit
I got sea-sick the last time I tried!”
A fellow was trying to hide
That his wife’s pet parrot had died.
But sadly his cat
Looked way too fat
And thus she found out he had lied.
Lovely. Wish I had this kind of skill in limericks.
A fellow was trying to hide
That he ate the beans refried
But when he had gas
Friends pointed to his ass
So could no longer be denied
A fellow was trying to hide
the sausage. But no one complied.
He looked day and night
for a gal most polite
who would schtup him but not be a bride.
A fellow was trying to hide
That he’d accidently pressed override.
With just seconds to spare
No-one else was aware
That this driver was unqualified.
A woman was trying to hide
From a man who had recently died.
Though no-one believed
His ghost, she perceived,
Was constantly there, by her side.
A woman was trying to hide
Pantaloons got in the way of her stride
She grunted and groaned
In disgust she just moaned
The poor whore had anything but pride
A fellow was trying to hide
The comp’nies he caused to have died
But Neutie and Rick
Called him a dick
And showed Willard up to have lied.
A woman was trying to hide
in the grave because she had died.
But Frankenstein’s nuts
Pretorius a putz
and between them created The Bride.
A fellow was trying to hide
The fact he had recently tried
To use 9-1-1
As his hired gun
To buy tacos, drive-through, with no ride.
Visit my blog to see the news link that inspired my limerick. :)
A woman was trying to hide…
The fact that her libido had died…
When he showed up with a con-dom…
She said “Don’t take it personally, Tom…
But when I said I loved sex, I lied.”
A fellow was trying to hide,
From self-loathing he couldn’t abide,
‘Till he tried on some hose,
And sang “La Vie En Rose,”
Now he wears his drag freak flag with pride.
A woman was trying to hide,
Her lover she kept on the side.
She met day and night
Passions would ignite
Her husband she cast aside.
A fellow was trying to hide
all the cash he had made on the side;
Though he banked with the Swiss,
joined the IRS list,
after the U.S. subpoenied.
A woman was trying to hide
she wished her husband died
and when he found this out
he didn’t scream and shout
when of love he too had lied!
A fellow was trying to hide,
from the voice that bespoke suicide.
Though we’ll never know,
what haunted Van Gogh,
his genius cannot be denied.
A fellow was trying to hide
After he awoke to what was at his side.
There she lay
A nights romp in the hay
But another night he simply could not abide.
A fellow was trying to hide
Some bank robbery cash from his bride.
But she was astute
So she dug up the loot,
Then retired in a villa seaside.
A fellow was trying to hide,
From six women, each claimed was his bride.
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives
“Rest In Pieces” was scribed when he died.
A fellow was trying to hide
From six women, each claimed was his bride
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives
“Rest In Piece” on his headstone was scribed
A woman was trying to hide,
the fact that her hair had been dyed.
But the truth would come out,
and leave not a doubt,
when she wore a swim thong poolside.
A fellow was trying to hide
As the pickets protested outside.
“Mr. Long, they allege
You’ve reneged on your pledge.”
Huey said to him: “Tell them I lied.”
A fellow was trying to hide
The rabbit that stood by his side
In bonnet and frock
What a terrible shock
When the vicar did unveil the bride
A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.
A woman was trying to hide
What her skinny jeans broadly belied.
Her mound, though with merit,
Was shaped like a carrot;
Some details one can’t push aside.
A fellow was trying to hide
A terrible loss to his pride
He convinced a sweet thing
To have a grand fling
But the thing failed to rise and the fling was denied
The poor guy forgot to take his Viagra
When he does it falls like Niagara
Now he keeps one in his wallet
So if he meets a gal quite scarlet
He won’t go home to stew marinara
A fellow was trying to hide
His ears, which he thought rather wide;
Sewed the tops with fine thread
Pulled tight over his head,
Now he looks just like Spock from each side.
A fellow was trying to hide
A secret he held deep inside
Do not try to heckle
The old Doctor Jekyll
It’s one thing he cannot abide
A fellow was trying to hide
the fact that he once had implied
that the poor were to blame
for themselves, a con game
whose sole aim was to cheat and misguide.
A fellow was trying to hide
the fact he had more than one bride
‘sides his legal ‘true’ spouse.
She found out. Now their house
is not where this ex-hub does reside.
A lady was trying to hide
the fact that she could not abide
bacterial threats
but to have no regrets
she used buckets of strong germicide.
A woman was trying to hide
her husband and laid him aside
she gave him a kick
he fell like a brick
in a hole so deep and wide
Newt Gingrich was trying to hide
His black-as-coal soul so he cried,
But “dear-mom” artillery
Back-fired when Hillary
Kit pronounced “Bitch” with great pride.
a fellow was trying to hide
from a woman who wanted a ride
he stayed in the head
until all noise was dead
but soon out the door he was spied
Mitt Romney is trying to hide
How his old and new leanings collide.
What is worse at its heart:
Being nuts from the start,
Or of sound mind but not bona fide?
A fellow was trying to hide
His fear somewhere deep down inside
He ran on through the night
Strengthened by fright
From the world where true hearts reside.
A fellow was trying to hide
that he married an ugly bride.
He told all he met
of his tearful regret;
the poor girl had gone off and died.
A fellow was trying to hide
The rope burns, when his boyfriend had died.
He could make no excuse
For such Wanton abuse,
Hence the judge had to rule “homo-cide.”
A fellow was trying to hide
All the villainy roiling inside.
He concocted a brew
That split him in two.
Dr. Jekyll was wrong to divide.
A fellow was trying to hide
The job for which he’d applied
Not the only sad grad
With a job that was bad
Cleaning toilets and flushing his pride
A fellow was trying to hide
The fact that he broke down and cried
He was too proud
To mention aloud
That a woman had wounded his pride
A fellow was trying to hide
His “size” from the young, pretty bride,
But soon she’d discover,
Once under the cover,
She’s in for a very short ride.
A gangsta was tryin’ to hide
The dirt he refused to provide
The cops tired to probe
Into his frontal lobe
But they couldn’t get through his darn pride
A fellow was trying to hide
His fondness for foods that are fried,
But his tales can’t be worth
Very much, when his girth
Tells a story that can’t be denied.
A fellow was trying to hide
As, deep undercover, he spied;
But a badly timed fart
Uncovered his part,
In the non-native tract it implied.
A fellow was trying to hide
All the workers he’d laid off in stride:
“Heh,heh,heh…hold your wrath,
My good friend. Do the math!
Ten thousand’s chump change nationwide!”
A fellow was trying to hide
His nature (mean, callous and snide),
But it’s hard to shrug off
With a wink and a scoff
What he did to his number two bride.
So the newt did what Newt does so well:
Told his critics to all go to hell.
With a blood-thirsty base,
Best grow fangs to save face.
Can you hear Willard Romney’s death knell?
A fellow was trying to hide
The package he kept deep inside,
But that Lap Dance felt great,
So he suffered his fate,
With her slow grinding motions astride.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
You can find the winners list here: Limerick of the Week 45.
But don’t worry — you can still have fun writing limericks: A new Limerick-Off has already begun: A Plateful Of Limericks.