High Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly high…*
or
A gal who was terribly high…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
High Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was terribly high
Looked down at his friends with a sigh.
“Getting up here’s a cinch,
But I can’t move an inch.
Climbing downward seems pie in the sky.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Climbing Humor, Limerick Contest, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A gal who was terribly high
Ordered brownies instead of the pie
I would never do weed
she was quick to concede
But for brownies like these I would die.
A man who was terribly high
was confused and thought he could fly.
He took off with a flourish
but plummeted sharpish
to land squish on the ground and die.
A gal who was terribly high
Was so frightened she started to cry,
“If I only had proof
How I got on this roof;
All I ate were some brownies, no lie!”
A man who was terribly high
Took one more hit, just to get by.
When it hit his brain
He thought he went insane
And said, “This is good shit, and that’s no lie”.
A man who was terribly high
Drank a half-dozen martinis, dry
“I do love thish gin,”
“So hit me again”
“And then I’ll switch over to rye…”
A gal who is terribly high
Knows her face looks suspiciously sly;
Though she tries to sound grave,
More like straight folks behave,
She’s betrayed by the wink in her eye.
A man who was terribly high
Was plummeting down from the sky.
“My chute did not function
So with zero compunction,”
He said, “I predict that I’ll die.”
A man who was terribly high
Went looking for cookies and pie.
“The munchies,” they call it,
But the man lost his wallet
So he sat down and started to cry.
a guy who was terribly high
ate ever’thing he walked by
hot nachos & cheese
cookies & reeses
so full he could hardly sigh
A man who was terribly high
Went into the grocers to buy
Eleven-grain bread
But he purchased instead
An assortment of ice-cream and pie.
A man who was terribly high
Started to break down and cry
He screamed “how mean”
Cursing the laundry machine
Because it had run out of pie
A man who was terribly high
Who was usually terribly shy
Turned into a very
Gregarious, merry
And all-around partying guy.
A man who was terribly high
Thought sure he was able to fly
He leaped from a chair
Bounded into the air
And landed with a fearsome cry.
A gal who was terribly high
Was excited for marriage was nigh
She prepared for the night
With prescient foresight
And to the groom’s delight she’d finally comply.
A man who was terribly high
Was hang-gliding and learning to fly.
Said an eagle ‘I’m waiting
To instigate mating
But it’s really too tricky mid-sky.’
A man who was terribly high
Sang ” ‘scuse me while I kiss this guy”
Setting us all a-tizzy
While we played our Thin Lizzy
Wond’ring did he say “while I kiss the sky”?
A guy who was terribly high
From putting his thumb in a pie
Had pulled out a plum
Soaked in 50 proof rum
And said, “How besotted am I?”
A man who was terribly high
Looked down from his sleigh in the sky
He wasn’t aloof
He just needed a roof
Announcing the new Santa Spy!
Guys and Gals — if you’d indulge me for a bit of self promotion, Surre.al just released the completely free Santa Spy, which is a very cool app that will materialize Santa out of thin air using Augmented Reality technology — it’s available both in the Apple App Store and Android Market — hope you enjoy it. Thanks!
Note from Mad Kane: Sounds like some free fun, which I’m betting hubby Mark’s gonna try out on his iPod or iPad. :) Here are the direct links:
Santa Spy iTunes link
Santa Spy Android Market link
A man who was terribly high
Was heard between bong-hits to cry,
“The true unsung hero
Of a circle’s not zero
But the infinite digits of Pi.”
A man who was terribly high,
Acted funny, but didn’t know why.
Jimmy Hendrix his name,
And music his game.
Kindly ‘scuse him for kissing the sky.
A gal who was terribly high
From applause for her humor most wry
Said “You betcha” and winked
She had Sarah P. synched
Her routines make you laugh till you cry.
A man who was terribly high
Often got very randy on the sly
Stalked his conquests
But at his own behest
He got more than just a black eye
A gal who was terribly high
Said, “I hate to be in the sky.
“I’ve not had a bite –
“Not even a mite!
“There’s nothing to eat when I fly!”
Found at Limerick-Off
Neil Armstrong was terribly high
As he headed way up in the sky
On the moon, he discovered
A secret uncovered
‘Twas there Alice Kramden did lie
A gal who was terribly high
thought she’d give painting a try
with her bare body parts.
She broke into the arts
But she couldn’t find someone to buy.
So she then tried sculpting instead
But she started to lose her head
she spent all the day
with a big mound of clay,
forgot to eat, now she’d dead.
A man who was terribly high
Had been living with pigs in a sty.
When I asked if he knew
That he smelled like a zoo,
He addressed me, “oink-oink” in reply.
Sang a gal, “♪ I feel terribly high ♪
“♪ Like a flag on the 4th of July! ♪ ”
Then, with no thought for copyright,
(Coz she felt waaay too soppy, right?)
“♫ I’m ♥ in love ♥ with a wonderful guy!♫ “
PS: Errol, can’t see your entry on Facebook, so this is just to congratulate you for a real gem of a Limerick; not least for your clever interpretation of ‘high’. ;)
A man who was terribly high
Fell down the wrong chimney -Oh my!
Santa wouldn’t ‘present’
To the mean ‘one percent’
So he flipped them the bird, waving “Bye!”
A man who was terribly high
Attempted to tie his own tie.
The thing got so tangled
The poor man was strangled.
The moral: Wear clip-ons, or die.
A man who was terribly high
Was heard in the bathroom to sigh,
“I would never have sat
If I’d understood that
All the paper is rough and one-ply.”
A man who was terribly high
Demanded to know, “Is it fie?
Is it fee? Is it fum?
Is it foe? And how come
The giant could live in the sky?”
Thanks David McCormick. Glad you liked it.
Oh, and I posted it on facebook under my real identity.
A man who was terribly high
Saw diamonds up in the sky
He used to take acid
But now, it’s Prevacid
That’s his drug of choice. Makes you cry.
A man who was terribly high
Was happily learning to fly
His wings melted away
Just before he could say
Daedalus, why am I the fall guy?
A man who was terribly high
On the food chain, at last had to die.
He was known, in his day,
To be quite the gourmet,
But the worms found him tasteless and dry.
A man who was terribly high
Bent down and was poked in the eye
By a pointy sharp bong.
Though I knew it was wrong,
I laughed till I started to cry.
A man who was terribly high
On believing a god in the sky
Would bless us and save us
The day he forgave us
Said, “That’s why I don’t fear to die.”
A man who was terribly high
was certain that he could fly.
The ending’s so sad.
He crashed. That’s too bad.
Now, excuse me; it’s making me cry.
A man who was frequently high
Had strange taste in music. Here’s why:
He liked Peter and Paul,
But not Mary at all,
And the Family Stone, but not Sly.
A bear who was terribly high
Regretted his decision to fly.
“While it is rather sunny,
There’s an absence of hunny,
And the bees are in oversupply.”
A gal who was terribly high
Felt compelled to continue to try
Nonsensical things
Like fly paper with wings
To grab all of the pie in the sky
[lifetime limerick count:3]
A man who was terribly high
On his own sense of self, “what a guy
I am,” was his thought
To himself. He was not
All he thought that he was, twas a lie
[lifetime limerick count:4]
Seems like there should be more to this story…
A gal who was terribly high
On a swing let out a loud cry,
“Chicken Little was right!
It’s a real scary sight –
First the rise then the fall of the sky!”
A gal who was terribly high
On the totem pole met a nice guy
Who was down at the bottom.
“I’ll marry, but not him,”
She quipped with a glint in her eye.
A man who was terribly high
Asked a bird to instruct him to fly.
Could each circle and bump
Diametrically trump
The circumference? Pi in the sky.
A man who drove terribly high
Got confused just which foot to apply
To make his car brake;
It was just a mistake,
But it caused Miss Kopechne to die.
A man who was terribly high
dropped more acid and thought he could fly
through the pinks and the greens
he caused quite a scene
screaming he thought he had died
These have got me rolling.
A man who was terribly high
was driving while watching the sky
the clouds hypnotized him
while traffic resized him
to a crushed metal cube on the fly.
A man who is terribly high
Grows paranoid, thinks he might die,
And tells God, “I’ll quit!
Let me live, and that’s it!”
God saves him but knows it’s a lie.
A man who was terribly high
Saw two Breitling jets going by
He continued to climb
Since he hadn’t the time
The Jetman is one lucky fly
A gal who was terribly high
Was chasing a drake from Shanghai
The odds weren’t good
But she trained in the hood
She caught him on her seventh try
A man who was terribly high
Enjoyed his beloved July
But the Ides March
Brought an end to his arch
And Brutus did not even cry
A man who was terribly high
Was a double 0 agent, a spy
When the union jack
Unfurled from his back
You could hear his skiiing enemies cry
A man who was terribly high
Saw Puff and Lucy in the sky
Not stoned upon pot
But stood in his spot
On a 60’s themed hot air balloon ride
Madeleine, I have images of that chap from Big Fish in my head now LOL!
A gal who was terribly high
Gazed blearily out through one eye.
She blinked once or twice
And then in a trice
Injected some dope in her thigh
An astronaut was terribly high
She was floating around in the sky
She saw a strange light appear
In the shape of a spear
It’s an object they can’t identify!
Corrected version
A gal who was terribly high
On a swing-set let out a loud cry,
“Chicken Little was right!
It’s a real scary sight –
First the rise then the fall of the sky!”
A man who aimed terribly high,
Who looked up seeking grace from the sky,
Soon employed his bandana
For a glob of God’s manna
Had hit him smack dab in the eye.
A man who was terribly high
Said, “I want to look God in the eye.
Alas, gravitation
Precludes levitation;
I’m soaring, but I’ll never fly.”
A gal who was terribly high
While chasing a drake from Shanghai
She loved Kalops stew
And her dragon tattoo
And Blomkvist, though she will deny
A man always terribly high
Just watched as life passed him by
Watching was fun, yes it’s true,
But it’s got nothing to do
With being a successful guy.
A man who was terribly high
Was letting the ladies go by
Decidedly Spanish
He still tended to vanish
Since sadly, he wasn’t too fly
A man who was terribly high
Dialed the phone as he started to cry;
“I never was called
Though I waited,” he bawled
To his 2nd grade teacher, Miss Nye.
A man who was terribly high
On the board of the Yacht Club of Rye
Would blackball those would-be
New members who could be
More gauche than their wealth would imply.
A man who was terribly high
Felt a penis while stroking her thigh.
“Even fried as a fritter,
I’m not a switch-hitter!
I think I’ll keep passing on bi.”
A gal who was terribly high,
While dressing, soon asked herself why?
So she wandered out nude,
In search of some food,
And found she was not at all shy.
A man who was terribly high
When Christmas tree shopping said, “I
Will be buying a fir,
Not a fake, as it were,
‘Cause to smoke artificial? Don’t try.”
A man who was terribly high
Thought the end drew unbearably nigh;
The delusional quitter
Peeked out (all atwitter)
His window. “It’s curtains!” he’d cry.
A man who was terribly high
Had a problem with tying a tie.
Every morn he would yelp,
“Wife of mine, I need help!
Grab a ladder, and reach for the sky!”
Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks! This contest is officially over and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 40.
But never fear — a new Limerick-Off is already afoot: Planning To Back Limericks.
I hope to see you all there. Thanks again!