Limerick Phase (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s
last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who went through a phase…
or
A woman who went through a phase…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Phase
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who went through a phase
Of using a ton of clichés
Would talk up a storm
And refused to reform,
As he babbled each over-used phrase.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bores, Clichés Humor, Communication Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Talkative, Writing Prompts
A woman who went through a phase
Of following craze after craze
She spent all her rations
On the latest fashions
And now she must ask for a raise
A fellow who went through a phase
Smoked pot till his eyes were a glaze
He would brag about sex
Even called his dong Tex
But in bed he performed in a daze.
EXHIBITIONIST!
A lady who went through a phase
Of enjoying the masculine gaze,
Decided to tease
And threw off her chemise
And walked through the town in her stays!
A woman who went through a phase
Drank scotch to the end of her days
On her tombstone was set
Not a word of regret
As tales of her exploits her friends still amaze.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of tanning and bright UV rays
He looked Hollywood
And would if he could
Perform in both movies and plays
Some fellows who went through a phase
were given to lurid displays
In just shoes and socks
They’d parade in their jocks
On even the frostiest days
A fellow who went through a phase
Had a thing for skinny dipping in bays
In came a seel
Had junior for a meal
And now he goes both ways
A fellow who went through a phase
Spent days in one long, lust-filled daze;
Had sex morning, noon, night
(Should we feel for his plight?)
He crowed, “Let me count all the ways!”
A lady who went through a phase
of hanging at louche cabarets
got smoke in her eyes
from the wrong sort of guys
who each set her poor heart all ablaze.
A fellow who went through a phase
of drinking each night cabernets
said, “I’m bored now with red
so I think I might head
to a new phase and drink chardonnays.
A fellow who went through a phase,
Dated shiksas, to soothe his malaise.
His outlook, though boyish,
Became rather goyish,
Now he eats his corned beef with mayonnaise.
A woman who went through a phase
Defended her larcenous ways:
“In a week, every cent
Goes for groceries and rent,
And the month still has 23 days!”
A fellow who went through a phase
would sculpt with “invisible” clays
He’d make models pose
without any clothes
And finally got thirty days.
A fellow went through a phase –
When he learned of the “male gaze -”
Mary, Jane, and Mary were amazed
How they subverted his gaze;
The fellow hadn’t a rhyme an age of days.
A fellow who went through a phase
was beguiled by raunchy ballets.
He sneaked into the playhouse,
reached into a dancer’s blouse,
now in jail he must spend seven days.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of harvesting fuel made from maize
He made ethanol
A headache for all
It ended with speech of malaise
A woman who went through a phase
Would go hunting for sales. ‘Twas a craze:
There was fire in her eyes
When the prices would rise,
And she’d occupy Macy’s for days.
A fellow went through a phase
Of only smoking Purple Haze
His mind was red hot
With some really fine pot
But his eyes were blood-shot and glazed.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of studying particle rays
Saw an atom behave
As an actual wave
This find gathered many a praise
Hey, Mad, I resemble that remark . . . er, your limerick’s subject, that is!
BTW, these early-bird entries are all winners already!
A woman who went through a phase,
Eating pickles and ice cream for days,
Knew it not to be part of her scheme–
‘Twas nausea awoke her from her dream.
Oops! An end to her wicked old ways.
To the Not-Canned Cop, Anthony Bologna
A fellow who went through a phase
With his cop toys and mean, macho ways
Hunted young women –- prey
To surprise pepper spray;
Next mission: find old folks to tase.
A woman who went through a phase
Of worrying how much she weighs
Now, after martinis
She wears her bikinis
And happily lays in the chaise
A fellow who went through a phase
Of dwelling in labyrinth maze
Gained mythical fame
For his Minotaur name
But was vanquished for bull-headed ways.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of helping New Orleans for days,
Saw that levees all broke
And when he awoke
Knew that they had been dammed with faint praise.
A woman who went through a phase
Just of dining on fat mayonnaise
Was surprised when told that
She was fearfully fat.
Now it’s lettuce alone where she’ll graze.
A fellow who went through a phase,
of licking out dirty ashtrays-
said his gal “That’s disgusting!”
and “Your mouth needs a flushing!”
Now he’s taken to licking bidets.
A fellow who went through a phase,
Of setting old buildings ablaze
Alas, he was caught–
yet, RED-HANDED, (’twas HOT!)
Unlike the cooler, now, where he stays.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of waxing and waning displays
Was known on La Lune
As the Man-in-the-Moon
Who witnessed Neil Armstrong’s forays.
A woman who went through a phase
Of hogging the spotlight and praise
Took a walk down the aisle
Dressed in haute couture style
For a marriage that lasted mere days.
A woman who went through a phase
Taking ballet to practice plies
Discovered that when
Her friend had a yen
Her legs she could easily raise.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of beginning his days with a blaze,
Got intensely strong munchies;
At breakfast and lunch he’s
Consuming as much as he weighs.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of biyearly receiving a raise,
Grew complacent and fat:
“I’m entitled to that!”
Now he’s seeking employment that pays.
A man who went through a phase
Of weird diets set his office ablaze
The fellow quite dense
Lit his own flatulence
After eating nothing but beans for five days.
a fellow who went through a phase
of needing incessant praise
went out of his way
to get more today
but only a welt on his head did he raise
A fellow who went through a phase
Of wanting to cook, learned to braise
Had to give him the cue
We just want barbeque
And now all our meals are ablaze
A fellow who went through a phase
Of meaningless sexual lays
He has STD
And I must tell thee
Regrets his promiscuous ways
A fellow who went through a phase
Of bestowing exuberant praise
Had a spat with his wife;
He had cried, “Love for life!”
To her mom, though, he’d said the same phrase.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of carrying hankies made of lace
Didn’t care a jot
What anybody thought –
His hi-fashion cred was firmly in place.
————-
A woman who went through a phase
Of attending each and every horse race
Found that her honey
Her friends and her money
Quickly vanished without a trace.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of wanting to pillage and raze
This able commander
Was named Alexander
He died from a sudden malaise
A fellow who went through a phase
Of splicing the genes of old maize
His modified corn
Is made, and not born
And facing some legal delays
A woman who went through a phase
abandoned her love of Greek plays
for acid rock lightshows
from Pink Floyd to Black Crows
and Hendrix’s deep Purple Haze.
O well–I’m just a beginner. ;_) Thanks for linking Mad.
Bravo again Madeleine!
Here’s mine:
A fellow who went through a phase
Enjoyed Star Trek in so many ways
With his stun gun and suit
One and all thought him cute
As he basked in celestial rays
A fellow who went through a phase
Of sleeping through class had his ways.
He slept with eyes open
While fruitlessly hopin’
That no one would notice the glaze.
A fellow who went through a phase,
Lopped an ear when absinthe caused a craze.
You may well have surmised,
That his paintings are prized,
And they sell for much more than Manet’s.
Ira Bloom….you are the bomb! That’s a great limerick!
A fellow who went through a phase
Was fond of Parisian cafes.
F. Scott was his name,
The Great Gatsby his fame,
And his style? Not like Hemingway’s.
Thanks so much for your fun limericks. And please keep them coming!
A fellow who went through a phase
Of writing in novel new ways,
Did liberties take
In Finnegan’s Wake
By coining new words to amaze.
A woman who went through a phase…
Of untold pleasure and was amazed
What did she do right
Try as hard as she might
Just couldn’t figure she was better than best
They are all so clever. Here are a couple to encourage those who have not yet sharpened limerick skills!
A fellow who went through a phase
Turned up nightly but disappeared days–
Though he waned and he waxed,
He never relaxed
his loony but time-honored ways.
A woman who went through a phase
took all her old light bulbs to graze.
She was terribly keen
to make them “go green.”
but had a dim grasp of the phrase.
Thanks, K.
A fellow who went through a phase
of wearing his grandmother’s stays
found the phase at an end
when attempting to bend
he split them three different ways.
A woman who went through a phase
Of rescuing animal strays
Learned to bark and to purr
And commenced to grow fur
That’s so long that she styles it with sprays.
I was tempted to title this “Lady Dogiva” – but I resisted temptation.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of eating his wife’s bouillabaisse
Felt that soupe au poisson
Got his old mojo on–
Aphrodisiacs with eel were his craze.
oh think we all know them..those cliché guys..smiles..and..off-topic.. i agree on what you wrote on FB about all the social media sides..
A woman who went through a phase
Where she bought into every new craze
Said, “I do love a fad,
But it’s driving me mad;
These limericks have me in a daze.”
A fellow who went through a phase
Heard only the song “”Purple Haze”
The fellow said, “Gimme
Something different by Jimi,
“This is all that my turntable plays!”
A woman was deep in a phase,
Of limericking all through her days
Every night and each morn,
(if she didn’t view porn)
She was posting a new MadKane phrase.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of responding as if in a daze
Said, “There’s lots up there twirling
With the notes I’ve been squirreling.
I suffer from catch-phrase malaise!”
A woman who went through a phase
Of dancing in naked ballets,
Got bored, then got dressed.
Now she dances at best
The foxtrot or odd polonaise.
A woman who went through a phase
Of being seduced by the neighs
Of horses who chewed
On the grass for their food
Said, “Here’s something better to graze.”
A woman who went through a phase
Of taking long walks in a maze
Would always get out
But it took her about
Anywhere from a week to ten days.
(4 Bill)
A fellow who went through a phase
Started stealing to get through his days
The habit he had
got pretty damn bad–
every cent spent he had to fugaze.
A woman who went through a phase
Of wearing French bras and berets,
While beach-side at Cannes
Shed her top for a tan
She was proud of her cleavage displays.
A woman who went through a phase
Of questioning Wall Street mores
Got her tent and her tops
Confiscated by cops
In the Occupy Wall Street melees.
A woman who went through a phase
Was weary of men and their ways.
“I’m sick of the brawling
And please! no more mauling.
I’m done shopping sales with these gays.”
A fellow who went through a phase
Shouting Klingon, as if in a daze.
He said bachHa’ and Dah
Then Hoch and Do’Ha’
The last, an unfortunate phrase.
A woman who went through a phase
Of living beneath the male gaze,
Realized it was wrong,
That she had to move on,
And rejoiced in a feminist blaze.
A woman who went through a phase
Of cooking from Chef Bobby Flay’s
Cookbooks got ill.
“I’m sick of the grill,”
She said. “From now on, I will braise.”
A fellow who went through a phase
Of preaching to all “Final Days,”
Later found his own truth
With a stripper named Ruth.
It’s to her he now fervently prays.
A fellow who went through a phase,
Of passing through life in a haze.
Hedonistic for sure,
Was pleasure the cure?
Sits smiling, “Now those were the days.”
A woman who went through a phase
(‘Twas a vibrating underwear craze)
Could quite often be found
List’ning closely for sound.
Multitasking, you see, never pays.
A woman who went through a phase
Of learning to cook from gourmets,
Got a PBS gig
Where French cooking was big
And “Bon Apetit!” was the catchphrase.
A fellow who went through a phase
That lasted for thousands of days
Had a Millionaire name
And talk show host fame
‘Cause with anecdotes he was ablaze.
A fellow who went through a phase
Of pastrami with Kraft mayonnaise
Said: “Although it ain’t kosher,
It’s better (I’m so sure)
Than corned beef on white with bearnaise.”
(I’m evidently on the same wavelength as Ira this week.)
A fellow who went through a phase
Of trying to solve every maze
This famous Corinthian
Was called Labyrinthion
We carry his name to these days
A fellow who went through a phase
He built telescopic arrays
When Congress cut SETI
He found it upsetting
He’ll find ET one of these days
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winners list can be found right here: Limerick of the Week 36.
But a brand new Limerick-Off has already begun: Edible Limerick.