Limerick Tale (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was telling a tale…
or
A woman was telling a tale…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was telling a tale
Of the time that he landed in jail.
It was mostly untrue,
But he told it on cue
Cuz he thought that it made him sound male.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Jail & Prison Humor, Law Humor, Macho, Poetry & Prompts, Tall Tales, Writing Prompts
Thanks for your thoughts, Madeleine. If you visit my blog now you will see that I have done a poem that is somewhat larger that the average limerick. I actually split it into five separate posts.
It is what Prague beer does to you.
I will turn my mind to your limerick challenge a little later.
ok i tried to write one but it was just to weird to post..haha…pirates and things like this…liked yours though..
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a letter he got in the mail
Saying he won money,
He really wanted a honey
Cuz that night he wanted to make her wail
A fellow was telling a tale
Over a frosty glass of ale.
There he sat
Talking of this and that
So long that soon his glass of ale turned stale
A woman was telling a tale
of looking for gas in some shale
It seems she was fracking
without any backing
and now she has landed in jail.
A fellow was telling a tale
About trying to buy a strong ale
But his credit was poor
So they showed him the door
As he couldn’t pay cash on the nail
A woman was telling a tale
Of a man that was riding a whale
As Pinocchio goes
’bout the poor boy’s nose
She took off with the wind blowing her sail
A fellow was telling a tale
‘Bout a fetching young hooker named Gail
Though she did fill his need
Soon it hurt when he peed
She had nookie AND cooties for sale!
A fellow was telling a tale,
On Obama he’s hoping will fail.
Jobs, Economy, Foreign Policy,
Even the US mail.
It’s all such lies and hate filled cries,
A fellow who’s tale,
Has grown as big a whale.
A fellow was telling a tale
About what it was like to be male
He said ‘Females, of course,
Are the real potent force
And we’re very low on the scale.’
I’m intrigued by the fact that all the ‘tellers’ are male! Maybe the male sex gives rise to more hilarity than the female!
A fellow was telling a tale
Of buying a wife through the mail.
He knew at first sight,
That she wasn’t quite right.
Cute bod? Yup, but not a female.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of buying bank stocks while on sale.
With most folks racked with fears,
He purchased more shares.
No Risk! They were too big to fail.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of pictures he got through the mail.
His girl was quite nude,
After being a prude.
Today’s manner of “Lifting the Veil”?
A woman was telling a tale
And her subject, a two-timing male,
Learned a lesson at last
From aspersions she cast
On equipment that sometimes did fail.
A fellow was telling a tale
On his big application to Yale
He had biked across France,
Taught the lame how to dance,
And drunk rum from the real Holy Grail
Hello.
Ah…those tales…bound to get you in trouble!
Nice ending.
I like visiting here when I need a few laughs!
Thanks for sharing & for your visit/comment. I appreciate them.
Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes
A kid was telling a tale
When Mom asked him to eat his kale
He ate it all and asked for more
It is gone he really swore
Not telling who ate it was, Dale
A woman was telling a tale,
when down from her perch she just fell.
she glanced all around,
as the laughs did abound,
he was sure she had landed in hell!
A woman was telling the tale
Of the time she herself was on sale
Miss Jane Pittman the teller
A slave trader the seller
In the world, sales we’ll never curtail.
A fellow was telling a tale
‘Bout the time that he chased a white whale.
“Aye, I caught it and slayed it,
And then I filleted it!”
Now this Ahab’s got blubber for sale.
A woman was telling a tale
Under the influence of Smithwick’s ale.
She was loose with the odd fact
But sure of the craic
While her husband languished in jail.
A fellow was telling a tale
That was tiresome, ho-hum and stale,
The gathering weren’t gaga
At his voluble saga
So they booed him till he started to quail.
A woman was telling a tale
How she nailed ev’ry young an’ rich male
Till someone said, “Honey,
Cut down your baloney,
Just give us the barest detail”!
A woman was telling a tale
Of fortune she spread by snail mail
She put it on facebook
T’was read as an e-book
Her fame on the web is telltale!
A fellow was tellling a tale
Of a dog without head or tail
The pitiful poodle
Just looked like a noodle
A genesis trick of the tail!
A fellow was telling a tale,
Of a harlot he’d chanced to impale:
“I had this erection;
Alas! No protection!
Next I knew, I was lifting her veil.”
There was a young chap with a pen
who tried agen and agen
to write a short verse
without being terse
but found it was out of his ken.
In honor of Halloween:
A fellow was telling a tale
of a vampire he dated named Gail.
She gave him a hickey
but then it got sticky,
and when she left – boy was he pale!
Nicely Mad, I’ll try and write one!
Okay, here’s a quick one:
A fellow was telling a tale
About how he oncw caught a whale
By the look in his eyes
You could tell it was lies
But that didn’t hurt his book sale
I know this is similar to another “hooker” poem that’s been posted, but I really didn’t read it before posting my own:
A fellow was telling a tale
of a hooker he hired named Dale.
He came twice before dismount,
so she gave him a discount –
she was having a two-for-one sale!
Funny comment about the male sex LOL!
A woman was telling a tale
about posting bail
she had the money
’cause she’s a play bunny,
who was far too good for jail.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a fish he had caught. It was stale,
that story he spun –
To listeners no fun:
“You’d have thought what he caught was a whale!”
A woman was telling a tale,
‘Bout how much she hated her scale.
She knows it dont lie
But those numbers so high
They just make her feel like a whale.
A woman was telling a tale
Of her shopping, when she’d never fail
To buy THINGS she can’t use
But just COULDN’T refuse.
“But you SEE,” she explained, “’twas on sale!”
Rewrite:
A fellow was telling a tale
of dating a vampire, Gail:
She gave him a hickey
but then it got sticky,
and when she left – boy was he pale!
A fellow was telling a tale
Of riches to be made in oil shale.
Mother Earth they’re attacking.
Water poisoned with fracking.
When they all should be begging for bail.
A fellow was telling a tale
On how he and his wife did fail
With a contraceptive method–
(BCP is what they tested)
‘Coz “he” took the pills not the “female”
A fellow was telling a tale
About finding the holiest grail
He had tried hard to sup
From Jesus’s cup
But it leaked like a sieve, what a fail.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of his freeloading brother named Dale
Who came to his place
And left not a trace,
Including his dearest wife Gail.
A woman was telling a tale
Of how she ensnared a silly male
Do they expect
A story of sex?
No, just a generous provider during a sale
Hank
A woman was telling a tale
Of a date with a flesh-grabbing male:
‘Told him, “You with the paws!
“Don’t go thinking because
“This date’s ‘blind’ it’s okay to use Braille!”
A fellow was telling a tale:
“Of the days when you’d win or you’d fail
In the gridiron game
When the summit of fame
Was the showdown of Harvard and Yale.”
“The roar of the Ivy League crowd,
At the yardage denied or allowed,
Would resound at the goal
In the Field or the Bowl,
As the Crimson or Blue sang aloud.”
“But the passage of time slowly went,
And Ivy League football was spent;”
Said this fellow: “At least
If we’re not the Big East,
We can still be the top One Percent!”
BTW, David McCormack’s limerick is absolutely brilliant!
A fellow was telling a tale
To the cop who had put him in jail:
“I broke in, you see,
‘Cause the dog ate my key.”
The cop said, “No way you’ll make bail!”
More Halloween fun:
A fellow was telling a tale
of a wolf bite he got on the trail.
“Oh, I’ll feel better soon –
Hey, what’s that? The full moon?”
Now he’s growing a snout and a tail.
A fellow was telling a tale
About the day he finally set sail
On a rickety boat
That hardly could float,
But skimmed o’er the waves on the back of a whale.
A fellow was telling a tale
‘Bout a guy and one heck of a whale.
Then I heard: Moby Dick?
Click the TV off, quick!
(I get seasick.) Oh yeah, gotta bail…
A fellow was telling a tale
Though it followed no logical trail
But his “999” hoax
Worked to blow away folks
And lend flatulent wind to his sail.
A woman was telling a tale
‘Bout how she had tripped on a nail
She went down on her knees
At the moment she sneezed
In the barn out behind a hay bale.
A lady was telling a tale
Of adventure: a night spent in jail.
Though in fact a 1%er,
At heart a dissenter,
She was able to post her own bail.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a gal he so wanted to nail.
His friend stole that girl
And enjoyed quite a whirl,
Till he learned she was open for sale.
A fellow was telling a tale
Of how he’d landed in jail
In the South Pacific
He’d thought it terrific
That a wac had posted his bail
A gal was telling a tale
Of a ship with a very large sail
A pirate was on it
Reciting a sonnet
To a woman as big as a whale
A gal was telling a tale
Of a ship with a very large sail
A pirate was on it
Reciting a sonnet
To a woman as big as a whale
a fellow was telling a tale
the punchline had grown rather stale
they, booing and hissing
he, obviously missing
so bad they threw him in jail
A fellow was telling a tale
‘Bout the Japanese penchant for whale
Their lack of compliance?
it’s only for science
Not hypocrisy right off the scale.
Oh how fun!
A fellow was telling a tale
But the plot had the pace of a snail.
His friends all walked out
And he started to pout
‘Cuz his whale of a tale was a fail.
A fellow was telling a tale
about hunting along the woods trail,
He shot a hare, out of season,
But gave this as the reason–
“That wabbit wooked just wike a quaiwl!”
A woman was telling a tale
’bout getting caught with her twat up for sale
Alone and no place to stay,
It all worked out okay,
‘coz now she’s knocked up and locked up in jail!
Always a pleasure to come through and have some fine limericks for dessert after an all night poetry buffet.
A fellow was telling a tale
of his trip down the Santa Fe Trail.
But he lied ‘bout the trip.
See, he really knew zip
and could not recount any detail.
Old Vlad, he was telling a tale
of the folks that he liked to impale.
“…but that Bathory chick?
She is more bloody sick
than yours truly: she’s so off the scale!”
Then the Countess politely demurred.
“Dear Vlad – that is simply absurd!
We both love the blood sport
of ‘la morte’ at the Court.
It’s a tie for the folks we’ve interred.”
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a ship that long ago did set sail
On it was his wife
who had caused so much strife
She now lives in a belly of whale
A fellow was telling a tale,
about a fish he caught by the tail,
I knew it was a whopper
‘cuz in came a copper
and hauled his a__ off to jail…..
Cheap and nasty.
A woman was telling a tale
How she bought some cheap bleach at a sale.
It whitened her undies
Her knickers and grungies
And made all her pubes go quite pale.
A woman was telling a tale
Of a purse once sold at retail
It was made of dick skin
And stretched at your strokin’
Toss in your coins for more detail!
A woman who was telling a tale
In breathless and intricate detail
Turned quite blue
Before it was through
As she completely forgot to exhale.
A fellow who was telling a tale
Of his prowess as a virile young male
Found his nose growing longer
Than his pitiful donger:
A lesson to all who drink ale.
Probably last, but possibly not the least? Here’s my effort:
A woman was telling a tale
Of an experience that turned her pale.
One day she found proof
That a rat lived under her roof –
She knew because of its tell-tale tail.
Slightly improved, IMHO:
A woman was telling a tale
Of an experience that turned her pale.
One day she found proof
That a rat lived under her roof –
She knew by its tell-tale tail.
A fellow was telling a tale:
“There’s a drunkard my hounds had to trail.
Soon my dogs came along
But his fumes were so strong
They got drunk and were destined to fail.”
A fellow was telling a tale
Of some magic that never could fail
Selling pizza, he said
He learned how to raise bread
With these words: “Nine, nine, nine”, as the spell
A fellow was telling a tale
Of years wasted swilling down ale;
“Were you down on Skid Row?”
But the man replied “No —
But I was in Bones while at Yale.”
A fellow was telling a tale
While swallowing bitters and ale,
Which made him pugnacious
Enough so, good gracious,
His story concluded in jail.
A fellow was telling a tale
Explaining why taxpayers bail
The banks out of trouble.
“You see, it’s a bubble,”
He said, “And they’re too big to fail.”
A fellow was telling a tale.
He said, “I was hunting for quail
When I was, by dumb luck, shot
With Dick Cheney’s buckshot,
Which proves he’s a real alpha male.”
A woman was telling a tale
She had heard from very slow snail.
“A turtle went past,”
It insisted, “so fast
That it moved like the wind or a gale.”
A fellow was telling a tale
Full of agony, sorrow and bale.
“Bill Clinton, that rube,
Downright bogeyed that dube,
Then he claimed that he didn’t inhale!”
A fellow was telling a tale
Which he tried hard to peddle. No sale,
For the folks in his state
Learned he’d gone on a date
Though he’d claimed he’d been hiking a trail.
A woman was telling a tale
About Florence (the nurse, Nightingale)
And how people mocked her
‘Cause she wasn’t a doctor
As she might have been had she been male.
A fellow is telling a tale
About GOP tactics gone stale:
“I cannot fight obstruction
With lip to ass suction –
Executive orders won’t fail!”
What a wonderful selection of limericks! Thanks so much, everyone!
This Limerick-Off is officially over and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 33.
But don’t worry — a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Slippery Limerick.