Batty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was going to bat…
or
A woman was going to bat…
Here’s mine:
Batty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was going to bat
For a gal who, most thought, was a rat.
He had motives impure
And had plans to ensure
That he got lots of tit for his tat.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Naughty Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Tit For Tat, Writing Prompts
A woman was going to bat
With a wink and a stylish new hat;
She charmed all the men
Again and again,
From Poughkeepsie clear out to Rabat.
A fella was going to bat
But Lo! He wore the wrong hat!
He was hit by a pitch
Claimed it was “just a glitch”
But evermore spoke in tones flat.
A fellow was going to bat
for all of those who are fat
He said, “Be who you are!”
“Let no Doc leave a scar.”
He thought liposuction not where it’s at.
A woman was going to bat,
wearing a Burberry cravatte.
From the nearby stands,
came an outrageous command:
Exchange the Tits for a Tat!
Well, I just crack myself up.
I am so easily entertained. I love all these limericks. Thanks for doing this. Even tho’ I don’t always participate, I am always reading ’em.
A woman was going to bat,
For some guy who just cared for her twat.
But his skills were so good,
with both fingers and wood,
That she cared not that he’s such a brat.
A fellow was going to bat
And the ball was Jemima the cat.
As she flew through the air
She screeched ‘Hey! That’s not fair!
I don’t really want to go ‘Splat!’
A woman was going to bat
But fell in the batter box flat!
With one look to the bench
She spied out the wench
Who untied her laces, the brat!
A fella was going to bat
But flew in his face, a big gnat!
In killing the fly
He took out an eye
And struck out besides after that!
A fellow was going to bat
But he was passed by a black cat
He needed a towel
After releasing his bowel
Too superstitious, unlike Pat
A fellow was going to bat
For his gal who’d got into a spat
What he didn’t expec’
Was a shiner, by heck!
He turned and limped home to get flat.
A fellow was going to bat
It was Brad in Moneyball, in fa’t
He sailed it over the wall
(More like bird than ball)
And he flew over the ol’ home plat.
A woman was going to bat
The first gal in the game was called Pat
Strike one, strike two and three strikes your out
That’s when she started to pout!
The boys said don’t be a brat!
“That he got lot’s of tit for his tat.”
That, Miss Madeleine, is simply freakin’ brilliant!
A fellow was going to bat
he adjusted his cup and his hat,
but the Yankee reliever,
made him a believer.
He walked back to the bench and he sat.
A fellow was going to bat
For his woman, although she was flat.
Her breasts–Pure delight,
All perky and tight.
What a mouthful, and who needs the fat?
Superb!
A fellow was going to bat,
from nowhere appeared a black cat.
He threw up his hand,
tossed the bat in the sand,
superstition will trick you like that !
A fellow who was going to bat
Forgot where he was , so there he sat
He couldn’t remember
Whether it was October or November
But that was that, and where he was at.
That was probably the worst submission I’ve made yet. But I sure do like the naughtiness of your limerick Mad :)
With admiration (and apologies) to Ernest Lawrence Thayer,
whose original famous verse appeared the San Francisco Examiner,
June 3rd, 1888
A fellow was going to bat
5,000 fans shocked by that!
‘Cause the team had been strained
By runs not attained
Thus far, their performance fell flat
Then just when it all seemed too late
Two players the crowd did inflate
Flynn made it to first
Then Blake made the ball burst
Mighty Casey stepped up to the plate
He was cleanup– sure thing– number one!
Casey’s stats bragged of record home runs
His first swing went amiss
The crowd started to hiss
But “Strike two!” made the crowd come undone
Now the team joined the fans, all did shout
Casey pounded the plate without doubt
Bat clenched hard as could be
‘Til the ump yelled, “Strike three!”
Mudville stunned! Mighty Casey’d struck out.
A fellow was going to bat
For a player who got in a spat.
He stirred up a raucous
Said don’t try to fukkus
And got flipped by the ump tit for tat.
A fellow was going to bat
For a woman who sang great Scat
He swung but he missed
So the woman just hissed
He told everyone she sang flat
A woman was going to bat
Just her own strength she felt
She got her wish
Dealt out a dish
But lo and behold, she smelled a rat
A woman was going to bat
for a local disgraced Democrat.
He tweeted his junk!
He’s a punk not a hunk.
His career? Well now, that’s that.
A fellow was going to bat
For a woman who loved to sing scat;
He had no other choice
Cause her warm, breathy voice
When it tickled his mike was all that.
A woman was going to bat
But she wore the wrong team’s hat.
She scored a run
But it didn’t count as one,
For she wore the other team’s hat.
A fellow was going to bat
He stepped to the plate and he spat
He tapped the base twice
The ball flew by thrice
He sulked to the bench and he sat
Thanks everyone for your kind words and limericks. And please keep them coming …. the limericks, I mean. :)
A fellow was going to bat
So he donned, for protection, a hat;
Gloves and shirt, lightly padded;
Then furtively added
A cup for his this and his that.
A fella was going to bat
but instead of hitting, he sat
the ball came fast
the opposing team cheered
because the ball, knocked the fella out–flat.
A fellow was going to bat
Filled with anger, no diplomat
The bases were loaded
His fury exploded
And hit the ball so hard it went splat
A woman was going to bat
In headgear of flair and eclat.
She missed every pitch,
And said, “I’ll be switched!
I can’t see the ball for my hat!”
A woman was going to bat
For a man she conversed with on Chat
She wouldn’t believe
The guy was a sleaze
Said he’s a bag of chips and all that
A woman was going to bat,
some bastard for calling her fat.
She swung hard as hell,
lost her balance and fell,
and squished the poor sucker flat.
A woman was going to bat
An eyelash at an aging hep-cat.
But his suit wasn’t zooty
Enough for this cutie:
“Your shoulder’s too flat,” she said, “scat!”
A fellow was going to bat
when crossing his path was a rat.
It was pregnant, you see.
Breeding more rodents, see.
Twas a case of more tits for tat!
a woman was going to bat,
with a cat sitting on her hat,
She never missed a pitch
Since the cat was a witch,
Then she was banned for doing just that.
A fellow was going to bat
For a girl who would have babysat
It turns out the dame
Was his recent flame
His wife found out and that was that
A woman was going to bat-
tle the forces that be, in Seat-
tle. She raised her own meat,
A delectable treat,
But they wouldn’t let her eat her cat-
Hahahahaha. Yours is VERY cute! I love the tit for tat ending. :)
A woman was going to bat
For the man in the tri-cornered hat;
His slaves were so happy —
Their work songs so snappy,
And God ne’er a hurricane spat.
A fella was going to bat;
The dude came from a drinking frat.
He stumbled, by golly.
Wasted–t’was folly.
The crowd didn’t think much of that.
A fellow was going to bat
The pitch was what’s called ‘grapefruit-fat’
As he headed for second,
his luck he mis-reckoned –
He tripped on the base and fell flat.
(Needless to say, he didn’t get laid that night, either.) Amy
portrait
A fellow was going to bat
when the ump declared “I smell a rat!”
They called “out” the Royals star –
using too much pine tar.
Boy, did Mr. Brett flip out at that!
A fellow was going to bat
in a cheat as he played baccarat.
But the card playing roster
was all Cosa Nostra
Now no one knows just where he is at.
A fellow was going to bat
wearing nothing but his striped cravat.
A pitch came in low.
(No surprise, I.M.O.)
but let this be a true caveat.
A fellow was going to bat
with the improbable name of Marat.
Then a pitch by Corday
blew this player away.
Tubthumping was his only stat.
A fellow was going to bat
for a colleague they called Dr. Pat –
covered up for his drinking,
but what was he thinking,
when he said, “Nurse, a martini – stat!”
Revised version of my first one, and a more accurate description of the event:
A fellow was going to bat,
hit a homer, but Ump smelled a rat.
There was too much pine tar;
they called “out” the Royals star –
Mr. Brett really flipped out at that!
Properly Pissed for Going to Bat
A fellow was going to bat…
And yes, I’m that fellow, you rat!
My motives were pure,
If a bit immature
And I never was looking for squat!
You may feel that I am a twit
Unable to live without tit,
But that’s just projection
for fear of rejection –
You really should clean up your act!
A fellow was going to bat
For a law client monstrously fat.
When she lay down on hubby
Who was only called tubby
She mashed him as flat as a slat.
Another revision (Thanks, Mad):
A fellow was going to bat
for a colleague they called Dr. Pat –
covered up for his drinking,
but what was he thinking,
when he said, “A martini, nurse – stat!”
A fellow was going to bat,
Had a dick that was long as “all that”.
He rounded each base,
In a three legged race,
Then tripped on his balls and fell flat.
A fellow was going to bat
For a perky, pump-lovin’ pack rat;
Her footwear collection
(A shoo-in erection)
Could heal him in five minutes flat.
A fellow was going to bat
When his coach decided that
He needed a righty
To face pitching mighty
So on the bench our lefty friend sat
A fellow was going to bat
Hunt under the bridges that
Housed them in Austin
But his balance was lost and
He fell in the river ker-splatt.
Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over, and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 29.
But you can still have some limerick writing fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun here: A Limerick Bite.
I just got home from the wild event called a kinetic race, and found that I had the place of honor this time. Thank you Mad for placing me there, but also for being the person who allows us the fun of the weekly contest. I must say that Pari Cooper’s limerick had me rolling in the aisles, figuratively speaking. All the honorable mentions were really fun
Granny Smith you’re very welcome. A well deserved win!
ha fab wordd play mad kane…and some really funny ones as i perused the comments…short of time so i will come back and play next week..and just enjoy this one…