Dining On Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to dine…
or
A woman was trying to dine…
Here’s mine:
Dining On Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to dine,
When a teenager started to whine.
Then a baby chimed in —
Spoiled his steak. What a sin!
So he yelled, “Damn those children of mine!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Children Limerick, Food Verse, Parenting Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Restaurant Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow was trying to dine
When his wife proposed they recline.
Being on a winner,
He postponed his dinner,
An arrangement that suited just fine.
A fellow was trying to dine
On a ship as it sailed down the Rhine.
But the sauerkraut spilt
All over his kilt
And the Germans all shouted out ‘Nein!
Gawd I always seem to come and read you when I’ve just woken up and my brain’s not in gear. Nice limerick though. :)
Love it, Madeleine! I will try and get back to join in sometime today!
A fellow who was trying to dine
Turned his back on his feline
He did not see it approach
Until it decided to pouch
Stealing his chicken, that swine
A fellow who was trying to dine
Sat with a friend who was quite a swine
He ate like a pig
With an appetite quite big
And from a paper cup, drank all of his wine.
A fellow was trying to dine
With a fair lady, ambience and fine wine
He tried to be nice
But it was just no dice
Can’t be hurting and hope things are fine?
A woman was trying to dine.
But she had drunk six glasses of wine.
Room started to spin.
Walls caving right in.
Don’t worry she said, I’ll be fine.
A fellow was trying to dine
Of his food, there still was no sign;
Told the waiter his plight,
“Will I sit here all night?”
“Oh no, sir, we close up at nine.”
The flip side of kaykaula’s limerick. I note that “swine” is a favorite rhyme here. – again, I wrote this before reading the others.
A woman was trying to dine
while her blind date was so serpentine.
He just wanted the chance
to get into her pants –
she had pork, but this guy was a swine.
A fellow was trying to dine
when they served him a substandard wine.
Said his date, “How’d you know
that its quality’s low?”
He replied, “The screw-cap’s a bad sign.”
A woman was trying to dine
on food that was so very fine
but you can’t do that thing
at the close Burger King
For gourmet food did the poor woman pine.
(slightly edited from my G+ submission. I like this one better)
Excellent MK I love it. Here’s my entry for the week:
A woman was trying to dine
Her diet consisted of wine
A sot and a boozer
Most thought her a loser
Oh how that poor woman would whine
love it,
the word flow is always perfect and fun.
A fellow was trying to dine,
and keep his car in a straight line,
as he steered with his knee,
but crashed into a tree.
Now he’s in a box made of pine.
A fellow was trying to dine
while laid up in bed with his spine.
Wife-y’s soup burned his lip
which he spit at her hip;
he’s back at square one to align.
A fellow was trying to dine
As the locals did, in a recline
But the man’s vomitorium,
In a vast auditorium,
Said “If you wanna barf, get in line!”
A woman was trying to dine
But she’d already had too much wine
Dropped a big plate of pork
Then lost the serving fork
Sound it, poking her eye with a tine!
A woman was trying to dine,
and trying to watch her waistline.
So she skipped the entrée,
but gained weight anyway.
And that’s fine, ‘cuz she’s mine, and divine.
Love it! Your site always gives me a grin, even though I’m not good with writing limericks.
Nice one Mad!
Here’s my attempt:
A fellow was trying to dine
And time after time after time
He fell off his stool
And made like a fool
So next time he’s eating at mine
05092011/1
Hi mad, I think the last line in this version is stronger:
A fellow was trying to dine
And time after time after time
He fell off his stool
And made like a fool
So next time he’s drinking less wine
05092011/2
a fellow was trying to dine,
when a lady came to his mind
he rang her phone up
invited to sup
dessert was a little behind
A fellow was trying to dine
On his caviar, fois gras and wine.
He looked through the glass,
Saw a match-selling lass
And then muttered, “Oh well. I’ve got mine.”
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. Please keep them coming and cross-post them on my Facebook post if you’re active on FB.
The last word of my second line should have read ‘recline’ – I’ve got no future as a subeditor.
(Mad Kane’s Note: I fixed ‘recline’ for you.)
A fellow was trying to dine
On treats where the sun just don’t shine.
But the husband appeared,
Just as he feared,
Shouting “She is all mine, you old swine.”
A fellow was trying to dine
On the lady he’d bound in tight twine.
But she made one request,
Before starting his fest,
Add a blindfold, and she would be fine.
A fellow was trying to dine
In a restaurant rated sublime
He ordered fine wine
But it turned into brine
And rendered him quickly supine.
A woman was trying to dine
In a restaurant that closes at nine.
She appealed to the cook
With skirt raised to her nook
Stay open and have a good time.
A woman was trying to dine
at a diner on 3rd Street and Vine.
She told her date, “See ya,
I have got diarrhea.
It’ll have to be some other time.”
A fellow was trying to dine
On a meat which he couldn’t define.
It was beaten with mallets
And sauteed with shallots;
For roadkill, he thought it divine.
A fellow was trying to dine
with another guy who was blind.
Blind Guy spilled the soup,
the night turned to poop,
The first fellow’s name? Frankenstein.
i wont write one but i am enjoying all the fun here haha! here’s my entry: Roar To Mankind
A woman was trying to dine
Standing for long in a line
When she got her plate
‘It is too late,’
The waiter said,’This diner closes at nine!’
A fellow was trying to dine,
Poor thing! He kept on tryin’…
Alas he failed
Because we all railed
And kept him stuck at the first line!!!!!!
Fabulous! Love it! Will put my thinking cap on. :O)
I’m struggling to keep up at the moment but I hope to get back here soon.
A fellow was trying to dine
but mostly he drank lots of wine
became quite unstable
slipped under the table
his wife said, Oh no, he’s not mine
I love your blog so much and each time there is a share I have to come and visit. I visit all the blogs on Gooseberry and hope you have a wonderful Gooseberry day. Already looking forward to next week to come back and read some more of your work.
Haggle-Baggily
ha – honestly, when my eldest daughter was a baby, she always started to cry when we were about starting to eat…now she’s twenty and a lovely young woman…smiles
A fellow was trying to dine
on some delicacies porcine.
He stood at the fridge
bit smidge after smidge
and delighted at being vulpine.
Love your sight…always enjoy the limericks…I have never tried writing one…scares me…lol
A man who was trying to dine
saw his fork had a speck on one tine
Was it pepper or spice?
Was it rats? Was it mice?
He decided to stick with the wine
Slight metre tweak, if I may? …
A fellow was trying to dine
Of his sirloin, there still was no sign;
Told the waiter his plight,
“Will I sit here all night?”
“Oh no, sir, we close up at nine.”
love it.
you are a gem in humor writing…
Oh how the humour of the write would be so rich if I didn’t empathize with the dude!
A fellow was trying to dine
With sacramental wine.
The guy was prodigious
At being religious.
He called it the fruit of divine.
A fellow was trying to dine
But couldn’t ignore the loud whine
From the table one down,
Then smoothed out a frown:
Solution – I’ll order more wine.
A fellow was trying to dine
But he noticed a troubling sign
“No picknicking here –
Bulls living near”
Before he was trampled by a herd of bovine
A fellow was trying to dine
On food and drink that was so fine,
When he choked on a bone,
Never got to go home;
In Heaven he spends all of his time.
A fellow was trying to dine
But his steak was grabbed by canine
It made him very mad
And his wife very sad
Her poisonous plan ended at nine
A woman was trying to dine
When her date, a bit touched by the wine,
Took dessert down below
Where she heard him cry, “Whoa,
Crème broulee never tasted so fine!”
A fellow was trying to dine,
But his entree was not well-designed.
It looked appetisin’
But tasted like p’ison;
To eat it he therefore declined.
A woman was trying to dine
With her promising new valentine,
But his manners – a Hun!
She declared they were done:
“You just aren’t meant to Be Mine.”
A woman was trying to dine
Alone with a bottle of wine.
But company soon came along
Offering the usual dance and song–
Oh to be alone with that bottle of wine!
always a joy yo visit here and find gems
A woman was trying to dine –
Steak medium well, veggies fine;
Then the server made eyes,
Didn’t try to disguise
His Fruit of the Loom – looked de vine.
A fellow was trying to dine
On fresh strawberries and aged wine.
The berries were sweet
A perfect fresh fruit treat –
But the alcohol, worryingly, came in a stein.
It is rather nice to run across you in the AM … I tend to look at things from too serious a point of view.
A woman was trying to dine,
sadly she needed to meet her deadline.
Her deadline for what you opined?
Well, you know how she is.
Today is all about her dzine!
A fellow was trying to dine
at a table with steep(ish) incline.
Thus his meal? It did roll
as if outta control
but he blamed the whole slant on the wine.
A fellow was trying to dine
on some crackers while lying supine
when a crumb of some note
got quite stuck in his throat.
Then he choked. That’s the bottom line.
A vampire was trying to dine
on a member of THE royal line.
On the queen, he put fangs.
to sate strong blue-blood pangs
and to make him feel sanguinely fine.
A fellow was trying to dine
On food that he couldn’t define.
His palette was wary:
A food without dairy?
Or merely the fruit of the vine?
A woman was trying to dine
When she felt all those glasses of wine;
Her speech became slurred
And her vision quite blurred –
She saw, not one server, but nine.
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks. And please keep them coming!
I strongly believe that limericks should be risque but lowered my standards (briefly):
A fellow was trying to dine
But lamented the taste of the wine.
The flavour, he said,
Was of something long dead,
And that death was far from benign.
A fellow was trying to dine
But children continued to whine
He got up to leave
Said next time I’ll heed
When it says “Kids eat free” on the sign
This is so funny and I love how everyone has written a verse on here I am not that good at this one but I love to read them all. Thank you for sharing I had such a good laugh
My Poo-poo Is Sleeping
A woman was trying to dine
But she’d already had too much wine
Dropped a big plate of pork,
Lost the serving fork,
Found it, poked her eye with a tine!
A fellow was trying to dine
On the cheap so he tried a sardine
It wasn’t great, but okay.
Tomorrow? Another day.
Perhaps then he’d try aspic (gelatine).
A woman was trying to dine
But her partner continued to whine
Dirty silver, a draft on his back,
Nothing gained–nothing but lack.
She gestured, “Waiter, refill his stein.”
If he railed on, getting into his chips,
Maybe complaining wouldn’t pass his lips.
It worked! Yippee and hooray!
She’d enjoy her carp en filet
Without carping and unclever quips.
A fellow was trying to dine
On thoughts of foods foreign and fine…
The market went bust.
He finds that he must
Seek food in a soup-kitchen line.
A fellow was trying to dine
on a bratwurst, which he thought sublime.
But without any kraut
It left nothing but doubt
Guess the cabbage was still on the vine.
Sorry, but it’s the best I could do!haha
Thanks everyone for your delightful limericks. Your submissions were especially good this past week, so it was unusually hard to pick the winners. But somehow I managed to, and you can find out who won who won Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions here.
I’ve already launched a new Limerick-Off where you can compete once again for Limerick of the Week. It’s right here: Sweaty Limerick.