Limerick Braggart (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who tended to brag…
or
A woman who tended to brag…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Braggart
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who tended to brag
Said “Promotion for me! In the bag!”
But the wrong person heard
And then put out the word:
No job for that guy — just a gag.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bragging Humor, Employment Humor, Job Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Promotion Poem, Promotion Verse, Workplace Poetry, Writing Prompts
A fellow who tended to brag
Showed up for a pageant in drag
“I’m never embarrassed,
“I’m clearly the fairest!”
But the swimsuit event proved a snag….
A fellow who tended to brag
tallked himself up on his blog.
He was lying of course –
his sex life was sparse
and he really was short of a shag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Was proud of the balls in his bag.
He’d invite all the girls
To handle his pearls
And was distressed when they started to sag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Waved his prowess around like a flag,
But those polled said the facts
In these tales of wild acts
Were too flaccid to garner a gag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Went round waving a brilliant red rag,
But while he was up-staging
A great bull came raging
And the fellow soon waved a white flag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Rod round on a tired old nag.
Quixote by name, tale-telling his game
He had nothing and even less fame
But oh how his chin did wag!
A fellow who tended to brag,
is the son of a hoary old hag.
His post he deserted,
his duty he skirted,
and his wife was known as “Dime Bag.”
A woman who tended to brag
Hoped her bra hid her sizable sag,
But the long straps and clips
She hooked up to her hips
Bobbed her boobs with each derriere wag.
A fellow who tended to brag
About his latest conquest or shag
Was taken aback
By the lack of a rack
On his date, no longer in drag.
A fellow who tended to brag
said he was in charge of S.A.G.
Uh, nope, said the actors,
those trenchant redactors,
He’s just on another brag jag.
Fun limericks! Please keep them coming.
A woman who tended to brag
Of her quest for a mind-blowing shag
Got the full attention
Of the male extension,
But none could perform in the bag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Could never readily hold back
His random boasts
Didn’t come close
His exploits were just a drag
A fellow who tended to brag
Blustered, “Ski slalom Gold? In the bag!”
But he met a sad fate
When, at the last gate,
He zigged when he needed to zag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Felt his stomach beginning to sag.
He tried on a corset.
You’ve guessed it – of course it
Encouraged the town’s tongues to wag.
a fellow who tended to brag
was married to quite the hag
he prettied her up
every night for sup
cause his love of her never did lag
I just woke up and can’t think of limericks off the top of my head, I’ll come back later and try this.
Thanks for the lovely note!
Good one, Madeleine! I should be able to do something with this one! I’ll be back later!
A fellow who tended to brag
Was rather obsessed with JAG
He had a Mac doll
Who he would call
When his sex life started to lag
love it, true, when you speak, a wrong person heard and took it, funny things happen.
cheers.
your entry rocks.
This one is hilarious!
A fellow who tended to brag
Went to a party that was only stag
The only girl there
Didn’t have any hair
A swore she was only going in drag.
A fellow who tended to brag
When rebuffed, called the woman a hag;
He continued to gloat
Till delivered this note:
”Ma’am, I don’t date old ladies in drag.”
A fellow who tended to brag
shared the location of a stolen bag
word got back to the owner
a gang member in Pomana
now stuck in his face is a .44 mag.
Oooops *Pomona* :-)
A fellow who tended to brag
About the clients he got to sh*g
Was called in by his boss
Who put her point across
By calling him a right old sl*g.
A woman who tended to brag
That she’d never look like a hag
Was sadly forced to repent
When south her boobs went
And her butt developed a sag.
A fellow who tended to brag
his chattering raised a red flag
women were not impressed
when he got undressed
and the subject of brag was a drag
A fellow who tended to brag
Of how he’d befriended a hag
Said: ‘I’d no thought of sex,
But while under her hex,
I find her quite splendid to shag.”
A fellow who tended to brag
Was married to a hideous hag
Together their inelegance
Made their company ponderous
A burden, cumbersome, a drag
A woman who tended to brag
Didn’t notice she was quite a hag
Like Bette Davis in “Charlotte”
She thought herself a harlot–
That all men wanted to snag.
We’ve all known this silly kind of lass
Who won’t accept what’s in the looking glass
But each man she spies
Is an admirer (in HER eyes)
Who is after a piece of her ass.
A fellow who tended to brag
Wore his long wavy locks like a flag
Though he looked like a freak
He was really a geek
And he liked to say, “Man! What a drag!”
By day a techie computing
At night on the streets motorscooting,
He thought he was hot
With that com and the dot
Always his own horn he was tooting.
One day on Facebook he found
A hippie chick geek quite profound
“Far out, she’s like me!
Only better! Well, I’ll be!
Social media . . . I do like that sound.”
Lame, eh? LOL! I hate when I just get lost and can’t stop and can’t fix it and have to just keep going and hope . . . but hope doesn’t cut it and it just falls flat like a pancake. Oh, well. I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.
A felllow who tended to brag
Said he ALWAYS saluted the flag.
But paying his tax?
His intentions were lax
And he thought “do-gooders” a drag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Was a supporter of the Gulag
He could not conceal
His communist zeal
’til the Yanks put his head in a bag
already dropped one so just stopping in to say great to see you at dverse…
A fellow who tended to brag
how he never endured real jet lag
found his boast did unravel –
by plane, he’d not travel.
The closest he came? An air bag.
A woman who tended to brag
all about her ‘Kate Spade’ shoulder bag
discovered…a fraud!
Yes, she saw it was flawed:
the name was misspelled on the tag.
Ha! Very clever, as always. I love stopping here on the poetry rounds for a little refreshment and irreverence.
A woman who tended to brag
Was quite a notorious hag.
As her grouchiness grew
She became quite a shrew
And proclaimed “I’ll out-rag any hag!”
A fellow who tended to brag
About all the girls he could shag
Claimed his tool a ten incher
and sexual clincher
Til his loose lips abated the scrag
A woman who tended to brag
Was palpably starting to sag
Her plastic physician
Said “I’m no magician”
Now he walks with a bit of a lag
A fellow who tended to brag
Claimed that HIS wife never would nag.
But now he has trouble:
His wife’s complaints double
When the toilet seat’s up like a flag.
I also wish someone be crushed.
When I NEEDED that room, in I rushed
And quickly plunked down
Where I thought I would drown
In the water that HE hadn’t flushed!
TRIBUTE TO A GREAT COMIC STRIP STARTED IN 1930
A woman who tended to brag
About Cookie and Alex and Dag
Is a sensible Blonde
And I had to respond
‘Cause Daisy’s her family’s wag!
LMAO @ Phyllis!
A woman who tended to brag,
Was a long standing member of S.A.G.
She’d compare her bare breast
With some of the best
Until her key assets did sag.
A woman who tended to brag
Of her wanton desire to shag.
But with who? All were gay,
I am sorry to say.
Perhaps she was just a fag hag?
A woman who tended to brag,
Of her sexy convertible Jag.
Crashed into contruction,
And met her destruction.
But avoided the bright orange flag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Of the guys he’d attract while in drag.
With impressive extension,
They’d stand at attention,
Not needing the sight of the flag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Of his manhood, it rarely did flag.
But his wife had her fill,
From that damn little pill.
Even stiff he was still just a drag.
A fellow who tended to brag
Saw Maddie Kane as a person to tag
Short Stories and Poems,
She said “I’m not at home,”
He had spasm like a witch on the rag…
A fellow who tended to brag,
said my wall a public ENT bag,
“Look in one note
What MJK wrote”
Do you work with a paying lit mag?
A woman who tended to brag…
clicked like on rhymes hag, drag and sag…
“I’m not like those, bitches”
though clanned up with witches…
The term Wicka’, they changed to Huss Pag.
A fellow who tended to brag…
Liked his Lim-ricks, four spots in the bag
He clicked like on each
thought he’d be their teach
‘one person like me!’… said “your the swag!”
tag, your it!
A fellow who tended to brag
did one more to match Mark with his ‘drag’
one of which didn’t count?
Mark’s prompt, my drag mount…
I LOVE limerick-off, grown kid’s playing tag!!!
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. I ended it a day early because I’m in NYC and a hurricane’s coming our way.
You can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week Winner and Honorable Mentions.
I’ve also posted a new Limerick-Off here: Mad Limerick
I look forward to your limericks and wish luck to everyone who’s in the path of this scary storm. Thanks!