Witless Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was lacking in wit…
or
A gal who was lacking in wit…
Here’s mine:
Witless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was lacking in wit
Bought a magnetized poetry kit.
Penning poor verse galore,
He wrote more — what a bore!
And ignored those who begged him to quit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Creativity, Magnetic Poetry Kits, Poetry & Prompts, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
A man who was lacking in wit
Decided he’d learn how to knit.
He looked rather weird
When he knitted his beard
For he then had to talk through a slit.
*
For some reason I found this to be one of your harder ‘assignments’!
A man who was lacking in wit
Needled those who knew how to knit.
He did it too often
Now he lives in a coffin;
The details are in his obit.
A girl who was lacking in wit
Thought a penis was something that bit.
At the end of the night
She exclaimed with delight,
“It’s toothless! But it knows how to spit!”
A man who was lacking in wit,
Didn’t know that his trousers were split.
He walked out, not knowing
His potential was showing.
Which was more than the law would permit.
A man who was lacking in wit
Decided to smarten up a bit
He stole a rhyme time tool
But sounded more like a fool
Using Snavofebudusehagostratnugotion to have a fit
A man who was lacking in wit
Sat in a bathroom, taking a shit.
He said with a drawl
I’m writin’ on de wall.
And I’ll let you fill in what you fell may be fit.
A pol who was lacking in wit
dished it out, but would then have a fit.
If you queried intention
she used circumvention,
but accuracy? No, not a bit.
A guy who was lacking in wit
Had a face all covered with spit
He spit at the sky
And that spit hit his eye
So he spit and he spit and he spit
A man who was lacking in wit
Often giggled into his armpit.
While one just surmised
He had deodorized
It appears, he was feeling a nit.
A gal who was lacking in wit
Displayed very little true grit
She complained on the phone
Till she made her friends moan
Of loans she refused to remit.
A man who was lacking in wit
Sadly, wasn’t aware of it
He entered contests
Like limerick’s best
But of course, he never won… spit
A man who was lacking in wit
Wanted so much to be like a Brit
“Why is it so hard
“To write just like the Bard?
“My own stuff’s a pile of manure…”
A gal who is lacking in wit
When she fails to catch on throws a fit;
That way she can stay
In the Fox News faux fray
Sucking bucks from the tea party tit.
A man who was lacking wit
Married himself a silly little twit.
They were happy but clueless
Though hungry and shoeless
Such is life without any wit.
This guy is devoid of wit
– in short, a bit of a twit.
He’s running the country
why or how is a mystery,
resulting in huge deficit,
A man who was lacking in wit,
And not particularly fit.
Enjoyed lots of cuties,
A bevy of beauties,
It seems he has mastered the clit.
A gal who was lacking in wit
Was a blonde,- (Sorry, hate to admit)
Took her car for repair
Saying, “710! Why’s that there?”
She’d read ‘OIL’ upside down- the poor twit!
A man who was lacking in wit
Became 43rd ‘Presidit’
No, that’s not a misspelling,
His vocab was repelling
Put his greed before country- that Sh*t!
A man who was lacking in wit
attended parties to quietly sit
but something odd took him over
when he ceased to be sober
quoting Shakespeare when he was well lit
Train Track Therapy
A gal who was lacking in wit
Laid on the train tracks for a bit.
One more jolt was her goal,
Demonstration, her role.
To her friends she just looked like a twit.
A man who was lacking in wit
Kept sending lots of tweets
But his messages rang of balmy
Were not even half as funny
And he grinned when called a half wit
A gal who was lacking in wit
Decided to fashion some knits
Wasn’t a smart decision
Turned out lots of derision
But was happy dubbed a knit-wit
O. J Simpson
A man who was lacking in wit
had lawyers who never would quit.
The jury declared
the man should be spared
’cause the glove at the scene did not fit.
How funny! Maybe I should give up the magnetic poetry . . .
A man who was lacking in wit
Performed an odd comedy skit.
He stood on two logs
And juggled some frogs
To which the crowd said “is this it?”
I should remember to post my limericks AFTER tweaking them, not before! *sigh*
A man who was lacking in wit
Bought a D-I-Y humour kit.
Being a hopeful sort of bloke
He thought he could amuse folk
With his one-size-fits-all joke – the poor twit.
A gal who was lacking in wit
Had just no idea when to quit.
She told her very lame joke
Without fail to the very same folk,
And wondered why they threw a fit.
A gal who was lacking in wit
Worked her fingers to knit
But the rest she left unattended
So her width the eyes offended
A warm posterior, to her chagrin, ne’er reeled the guys in
Knitting’s inferior, so she’d begin, ta’ warm her gluts at a gym
A man who was lacking in wit
downgraded our credit a bit
everyone said he was bad
irresponsibly mad
and that he didn’t know shinola from shit
A guy who was lacking in wit
Was discharged from the Navy, unfit.
Seems when he’d SOS’d
In his signalling test,
He’d done ‘dash’ when he shoulda done ‘dit’!
A man who was lacking in wit,
was stupid and didn’t know spit.
So he asked Joe the Plumber,
“Should I back Dumb or Dumber?”
Joe suggested Michelle over Mitt.
A man who was lacking in wit
Once showed up at work in a snit
He’d stopped on the road
To capture a toad
And had come up all over in shit.
A gal who was lacking in wit,
on the lap of her Uncle would sit.
And she does it still,
cuz’ it gives her a thrill,
and he gets a rise out of it.
A gal who was lacking in wit
Found it hard, her ideas, to transmit.
So she studied Morse code;
Now from her small abode
Flows a steady dash-dash, dit-dit-dit.
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks! And please keep them coming!
A guy who was lacking in wit
on a thumbtack, his tusch he did fit.
He knew not which friend
stuck him in the rear end
(or if more than one was compliSit.)
sharp.
well done.
A man who was lacking in wit
Bought a penis elongation kit,
But the rods and the clips
Were too hard on the lips
(His inflatable doll had a fit).
A man who was lacking in wit
Prayed the EPA suffer a hit,
And like friend, Michelle B,
Grabbed his farm subsidy;
Meet Rick Perry, supreme hypocrite!
A man who was lacking in wit
Never knew when his next fit would hit
He fell on the floor
then cried with a roar,
I’m really so sick of this shit!
A man who was lacking in wit
Had more fans than you’d like to admit,
With left-wing invective
For those whose perspective
Had taken a Tea Party hit.
A man who was lacking in wit
was our President for a bit.
Now G.W. Bush
can just kiss my tush.
‘Swhat we get for installing a twit.
A man who was lacking in wit
Used more French than the law should permit;
So as much as he dared
To excavate merde,
He really was shoveling sh*t.
“I was a girl lacking in wit
Thought that rhyming was “it”.
Penning poor rhyme galore,
I wrote more and more— what a bore!
Thankfully my uncle prompted me to quit.
A man who was lacking in wit
Enjoyed Marx brothers a bit;
He saw Groucho’s cigar
As just cancer and tar
But Harpo’s hairdo made a hit.
Thanks again everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over and you can find out who won Limerick of the Week here.
But you still have an opportunity to win because a new Limerick-Off has just begun.
See you there!