Archive for August, 2011
Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
Prompted to write a school-related haiku, I ended up with a tanka. I just couldn’t seem to fit this true tale into a mere seventeen syllables:
Classroom clock won’t move,
its hands dulled by droning prof,
who catches my stare
and yells, “If you’re bored, then go.”
Lesson learned — I take my leave.
*****
Continuing with an education theme, I’ve used Three Word Wednesday’s drag, mumble, penetrate prompt in this haiku:
Penetrating mind
who mumbles at his lectern —
a scholarly drag.
*****
Drop the “f” from “flaws”
and you’re left with the word “laws,”
most of which are flawed.
*****
What greater pleasure
than a standing ovation
from the man you love.
*****
Tags: Education & School Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Legal Verse, Marriage Verse, Tanka, Time Humor
Posted in Education & School Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Tanka | 23 Comments »
Saturday, August 27th, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who felt she’d been had…
or
A fellow who felt she’d been had…
Here’s mine:
Mad Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who felt she’d been had
Was incredibly angry — yes mad.
She’d been promised promotion
For work and devotion.
But her boss gave the job to his dad.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Boss Humor, Exploitation, Family & Relatives Humor, Labor, Money Poems, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Promotion Verse, Workplace & Career Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Workplace & Career Humor | 51 Comments »
Saturday, August 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who tended to brag
Blustered, “Ski slalom Gold? In the bag!”
But he met a sad fate
When, at the last gate,
He zigged when he needed to zag.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, RJ Clarken, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A woman who tended to brag
Hoped her bra hid her sizable sag,
But the long straps and clips
She hooked up to her hips
Bobbed her boobs with each derriere wag.
RJ Clarken:
A woman who tended to brag
All about her ‘Kate Spade’ shoulder bag
Discovered … a fraud!
Yes, she saw it was flawed:
The name was misspelled on the tag.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who tended to brag
Said she’d been in a bachelor mag
As not only the cover,
But Most Wanted Lover,
Even though she was starting to sag.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, August 24th, 2011
Telecommuting Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who telecommuted
Had a short trip to work — undisputed.
His bed and PC
Were as close as can be.
Yet his tardiness got the guy booted.
Tags: Business Verse, Commuters, Computer Verse, Lateness Humor, PC Humor, Technology Humor, Telecommuting, Workplace & Career Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Business Humor, Commuting Verse, Computer Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Technology Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 13 Comments »
Wednesday, August 24th, 2011
I lie in my bed,
coaxing my brain to adapt
and glide into sleep.
*****
Insomnia strikes
when I’m at my most weary—
tired irony.
*****
My lullaby verse—
I knew I should write it down—
now it’s lost to sleep.
*****
My thoughts skip around
like out-of-control children—
scaring sleep away.
*****
You can read my How To Become An Insomniac (Humorous How-To) here.
(My first haiku was inspired by Three Word Wednesday’s “adapt, glide, lie” prompt. My second haiku was inspired by Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s “weary” prompt.
Update: Happy Festival Of Sleep Day!
View my insomnia haiku image here.
Tags: Festival of Sleep Day, Haiku & Senryu, Haiku Images, Insomnia Verse, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Sleep Poetry, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Odd Holidays, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 24 Comments »
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who tended to brag…
or
A woman who tended to brag…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Braggart
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who tended to brag
Said “Promotion for me! In the bag!”
But the wrong person heard
And then put out the word:
No job for that guy — just a gag.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bragging Humor, Employment Humor, Job Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Promotion Poem, Promotion Verse, Workplace Poetry, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 54 Comments »
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this entertaining verse:
A woman who always seemed game
Bedded men who all asked her the same:
“Did you have a good time?”
And each night she would chime,
“Oh yes! I am so glad I came!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Matty, Ira Bloom, and Jesse Levy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond
A woman who always seemed game
Loved a man who put “spicey” to shame;
While his creamed pepper jack
Made a very nice snack,
His Jamaican jerk set her aflame.
Matty:
A fellow who always seemed game
Went out with a strange looking dame.
As the petting got heavy
In back of his Chevy,
He found out that Pete was her name.
Ira Bloom:
A woman who always seemed game,
From Siam, said without any shame:
“I will whip your behind,
If you like Thais that bind,
‘Cause I dress not to kill, but to maim.”
Jesse Levy:
A woman who always seemed game,
Could never remember my name.
I told her, quite peevy,
“My dear, it is Levy.”
Now her name and mine are the same.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Ira Bloom, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Thursday, August 18th, 2011
In late March I wrote some verse about our squirrel problem. More specifically, a squirrel that likes snoozing in my upstairs window sill under the AC.
As you can tell from my tanka and limerick, the brazen squirrel refused to be scared off. Sure, it would leave for a while. But just when I thought my squirrel was gone for good, there she was again in my window sill, kept outside only by a thin piece of plexiglass.
Well, guess who had babies:
Methinks it’s time for another squirrely limerick:
Squirrely Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A squirrel gave birth on my sill—
Near my window AC unit’s grill.
Each miniscule pup
(Five in all — two floors up)
Born an inch from my nose — chilling thrill.
Thanks to hubby Mark for snapping that photo.
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Air Conditioning Humor, Animal Verse, House & Home, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Squirrel Poem, Squirrel Reproduction, Vermin
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor | 16 Comments »
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011
Words meant to welcome—
“Please make yourself at home.”
remind me I’m not.
*****
Oboist mutes gasp,
playing unviable phrase,
conquering Bizet.
*****
A Nantucket man
knew his much lim’ricked neighbor—
envied him his fame.
*****
Plan for the future,
but never let your planning
erase the present.
*****
An alluring scent,
indecently delicious,
renders gents senseless.
*****
(The first haiku was inspired by Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s home prompt. The second haiku was inspired by 3 Word Wednesday’s prompt to use the words gasp, mute, and viable. That second haiku alludes to a notoriously long and difficult oboe passage in Bizet’s Symphony in C.)
Tags: Bizet, Haiku & Senryu, Home, Music Poetry, Oboe, Planning Humor, Scents
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Haiku & Senryu, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 22 Comments »
Sunday, August 14th, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who always seemed game…
or
A fellow who always seemed game…
Here’s mine:
Game Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who always seemed game
To attempt any venture you’d name
Resisted just one:
French kissing a nun.
Her excuse? “I can’t kiss an old flame.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Adventures Limerick, Bawdy Humor, French Kissing, Nuns, Poetry & Prompts, Religion Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Religion Verse | 63 Comments »
Sunday, August 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Patrick McGuire who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man who was lacking in wit
Had lawyers who never would quit.
The jury declared
The man should be spared
’Cause the glove at the scene did not fit.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, J Cosmo Newbery, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mark Megson:
A man who was lacking in wit
Performed an odd comedy skit.
He stood on two logs
And juggled some frogs,
To which the crowd said “Is this it?”
J Cosmo Newbery:
A girl who was lacking in wit
Thought a penis was something that bit.
At the end of the night
She exclaimed with delight,
“It’s toothless, but knows how to spit!”
Scott Crowder:
A man who was lacking in wit,
Was stupid and didn’t know spit.
So he asked Joe the Plumber,
“Back Dumb or back Dumber?”
Joe suggested Michelle over Mitt.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: J Cosmo Newbery, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Patrick McGuire, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Friday, August 12th, 2011
Free Money Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was free with his money
Spent all of his cash on his honey.
When he fin’ly ran out,
She ran off with a lout,
Who bought her a coat made of bunny.
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Clothing Poem, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Poetry
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Fashion Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 8 Comments »
Monday, August 8th, 2011
Raw Confusion Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I stare at my freezer, unglued:
I’m in “Indian leftovers” mood.
But it’s chaos in there.
Yes, from now on I swear
That I’ll label my freezer-bound food.
UPDATE: I just found out that November 29th is “Throw Out Your Leftovers Day.” And October 30th is Haunted Refrigerator Night.
Tags: Eating Limerick, Food Poetry, Food Verse, Freezer Limerick, Frozen Food, Haunted Refrigerator Night, Household Chores, Indian Cuisine, Leftovers Limerick, November Holidays, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Throw Out Your Leftovers Day
Posted in Chores Humor, Food & Drink Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 10 Comments »
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was lacking in wit…
or
A gal who was lacking in wit…
Here’s mine:
Witless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was lacking in wit
Bought a magnetized poetry kit.
Penning poor verse galore,
He wrote more — what a bore!
And ignored those who begged him to quit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Creativity, Magnetic Poetry Kits, Poetry & Prompts, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Writing & Publishing Humor | 44 Comments »
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When H. Lecter, (her beau), turned up late;
“My regrets,” he said quickly,
“My tummy felt sickly,
“It’s probably someone I ate.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Kay Saladay, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A love-smitten gal was irate
’Cause she went with a real reprobate.
He was lazy and greedy
And boy, was he needy.
But his paintings do hang in the Tate.
Kay Salady:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her guy showed up late for their date.
The smell of perfume
Drifted into the room.
Then her love quickly turned into hate.
Johanna Richmond:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her man fled the deli mid-date:
Her pickle juice trickle
Made lover-boy fickle;
He took his knishes too –– great!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith
A love-smitten gal was irate
That her chatter seemed starting to grate.
She talked up a flurry.
He left in a hurry.
She joined “on-and-on anon.” Late.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Kay Saladay, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Friday, August 5th, 2011
Limerick Ode To A Plunging Stock Market
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The stock market’s falling apart,
And it takes neither science nor art
To see that we’re screwed.
Wall Street matches our mood.
Yes, we’re losing both money and heart.
Tags: Business Poetry, Finance Humor, Financial Verse, Money & Finance Humor, Money Poems, Stock Market, Stock Market Limerick, Wall Street Woes
Posted in Business Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
As I’ve mentioned before, I enjoy the challenge of writing acrostic limericks. But I found the latest acrostic limerick prompt from Acrostic Only to be tougher than usual. Here’s what I came up with:
One Headache of an Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Pleasant dreams are quite hard to secure
On nights when you have to endure
Unspeakable noise:
Next door neighbors with boys,
Deaf’ning dogs, and the parents on tour.
Tags: Acrostic Poems, Animals Poetry, Badly Behaved Children, Child Humor, Dogs Verse, Headaches Humor, Insomnia Verse, Noise Humor, Noisy Neighbors, Pets Verse, Sleep Poetry
Posted in Acrostic Limericks, Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Children Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 25 Comments »
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
Heated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Nasty heat wave, I beg you, please cease
Cuz we need your high temps to decrease.
I don’t mean to complain,
But this weather’s a pain.
So stop it already! Capice?
Tags: Global Warming, Outdoors Humor, Weather Humor, Weather Poetry
Posted in Limericks, Outdoors Humor, Weather Humor | 4 Comments »
