Rude Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow I tried to ignore…
or
A woman I tried to ignore…
Here’s mine:
Rude Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was a rude, inconsiderate bore.
He’d sneeze in my face
And then cough just in case
All his germs failed to enter each pore.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Manners, Manners Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Rudeness Humor, Writing Prompts
Fabulous!
A fellow I tried to ignore
Came and threw himself down on my floor.
He said ‘Please adore me!’
I said ‘No! You bore me!’
And then kicked him right out the door.
Thanks for last week’s special mention. World wide fame!
Great Limerick.
I’ve had a nightmare week this week as my Dad went into hospital and my mum also needed medical intervention. May not get a chance to join in this week. :O)
Great Limerick – all’s well with me, and I intend to return to regular blogging ASAP (priorities permitting…).
Thanks for your visits.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was ignoring my snub even more,
Which I found beneath mention.
Imagine the tension
As ignorance came to the fore.
A fellow I tried to ignore,
was knocking at my front door.
He wouldn’t stop selling
even though I kept telling
that I didn’t need any more.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Improbably named Dumbledore,
He told me I oughter
Read more Harry Potter
But he never could tell me what for…
A woman I tried to ignore
Ignored me just to even the score
I became so intrigued
Once my interest was piqued
I intend to ignore her some more.
A fella I tried to ignore
Would emit a furious roar
When confronted with facts
Via telly or fax
He liked Fox’s views so much more!
A fellow I tried to ignore
Cause “that moron cannot beat Al Gore”
Taught me this lesson well:
It’s not brain cells that sell;
Now we’re paying with job loss and war.
A woman I tried to ignore
Seems to be on TV even more
TLC still loves Kate
And each one of her 8
But Jon Gosselin they kicked out the door.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Had a penchant for violence and gore.
He drooled with delight
At the sobering sight
Of me with my blood-soaked chainsaw.
We are really off to a great start here. Thanks! Please keep them coming and cross-post them on my Facebook, if you’re active there. (You can even cross-post them on my Google-Plus post if you’ve joined.)
By the way, if you’re not on Google+ and want an invitation, private message me with your email address and I’ll send you one.
A woman I tried to ignore
Was, simply, a horrible bore
Mixing her church and state…
Twisting her love with hate,
Pushing policies sane people abhor.
A woman I tried to ignore
Sought publicity more and more
She think’s she’s hot stuff
But, please! That’s enough!
Let someone who’s smart take the floor!
A woman I’ve tried to ignore,
Malevolent, crude to the core
Proves poor education
Is no aberration:
It’s requisite in a Koch whore.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Shouted “BUDDY, YOU WANT A WHORE?!!
SHE IS QUITE A BEAUTY,
BY LUCK SHE’S ON DUTY!!!”
Mortified me down to my core.
a woman i tried to ignore
kept beating the hell out my door
at every turn tried
resided her prying eyes
until hole-y she lied on the floor
A fellow I tried to ignore
Accosted me down at the store
To spin me some lies
About all his ex-wives
No wonder they showed him the door
A fellow I tried to ignore
Came banging real hard on my door
He wanted the rent
That horrible gent
I just won’t see HIM anymore.
A fellow I tried to ignore
when he pounded on my front door
had nothing to drink
so what made him think
that I had something to pour?
A fellow I tried to ignore
but I knew what he came for,
but his wife was not there,
she used the back stair,
so I bravely opened the door.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Said my calculations had been very poor
If it weren’t for the audit
He’d never have caught it
When I asked what I owed he said “More.”
A woman I tried to ignore
Was banging with force on the door.
She was selling a scheme
In a new magazine
That promised fine riches galore.
A woman I tried to ignore
Yapped until my ears were sore
Her tongue was still wagging
Consistently nagging
Thank God I could still afford a whore
A fellow I tried to ignore
Had the world’s most thunderous snore.
I flew to the guest room
On my handy witch broom
Yet hear him downstairs through closed door.
A fellow I tried to ignore,
was poking around my back door..
He spread my ass cheeks,
and I let out some shrieks.
That Proctologist sure made me sore.
A fellow I tried to ignore
was shouting a few yards from shore.
Refusing to listen
unwilling to hasten
pretty soon the bloke was no more.
A woman I tried to ignore
Kept banging on my bedroom door
“Be quiet!” I did shout,
“Or I won’t let you out!”
… What’s that? FIVE lines?! I thought you said four. :(
A fellow I tried to ignore
Because he was a colossal bore
Refused to go away
(Too stupid, I daresay) –
In men, two traits I very much deplore.
And another:
A woman I tried to ignore
Kept on carping about my décor.
Did she have any right
To get quite so uptight
When I finally showed her the door?
A fellow I tried to ignore
Cleared out the Congressional floor
With the unpleasant facts
Of budget cuts, tax,
And Medicare, pensions and war.
The first one again, slightly modified to make it better (I think). I’d be grateful for your opinion, Madeleine:
A fellow I tried to ignore
Because he was a colossal bore
Didn’t take the hint
(Too stupid to, I think)…
In men, traits I very much deplore.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Talked louder, and then he swore
I won’t buy what your selling
So please stop your yelling
I don’t care how loud you roar.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was plainly the world’s biggest bore
His jokes were not funny
His puns were not punny
– His company was simply a chore.
A woman I tried to ignore
Was the trailer trash livin’ next door
She was totally uncouth.
Only had one good tooth,
And herpes infections galore
A fellow I tried to ignore
Already had his foot in the door
Like the Raven from Poe
I wished he would go
So I could gleefully quote, “Nevermore”.
Ugh…sorry, but ugh…gross!
I appreciate the visit to my blog. Thanks. ;-)
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was my Hubby with his noisy snore.
I said, “Sorry, my Love!”
And gave him a shove,
But he snored all the more on the floor.
Here’s “more”…
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was full of stories galore
Each more boring than the last
He thought it was a blast
Till he saw us passed out on the floor
A woman I tried to ignore
Designer fashion did adore
She wore crazy heels by Dior
Till her feet got sore
And one of her muscles tore
A fellow I tried to ignore
Promised to teach me folklore
Being nïve and gullible I went
Hoping time would be well spent
Only to be shown porn from a decade before
A woman I tried to ignore
Had mean traits I did abhor
Even Schadenfreude
Woulda cried
With her being so bitchy to the core
A woman I try to ignore
Because, frankly, the woman’s a bore,
Shows her face morn and night
In my mirror – that’s right;
Between you and me, self-love’s a chore.
perfect piece.
Happy Potluck.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Promised love and so much more.
But he was a bore and a user
The epitome of loser,
And before too long I showed him the door.
haha i love this! i mean i hate this rude guy that spreads germs. i mean i love you for writing this!
A fellow I tried to ignore,
All night he did snore,
Pushed onto his face,
A pillow I place,
And now he lives no more.
A woman I tried to ignore
as I strolled along the shore
but her lack of a top
caused me to stop
or was it the smile she wore
I ahven’t written a limerick since high school! What fun! (Still have that high school touch, too. Don’t ya think?)
A woman I tried to ignore,
had spurned my advances before.
Then she offered romance,
and I jumped at the chance.
I’m a typical, sex craving boar.
Thanks everyone for your enthusiastic words and fun limericks. Please keep your limericks coming. You have an entire week to compete for Limerick of the Week!
I don’t know why, but your blog won’t let me post my limerick here. After the first time when it didn’t show up, I tried twice more and each time got a message that it was a duplicate and wouldn’t let me post. Guess you’ll have to read my entry on your Facebook page.
A fellow I tried to ignore
rants on from the Capitol floor.
He harps on the budget –
while I want to nudge it,
his plan is to cut to the core.
THERE we go!
And her’s another:
A fellow I tried to ignore
has become quite a pestering bore,
with his really tight pants,
and his red cape and dance –
I’m a bull, he’s a toreador!
A woman I try to ignore
Attempted a word for rapport
She probably shoulda
Avoided saying ‘chuts-pah’
I laughed ‘til my sides got too sore!
Am not like this for sure:
A woman I tried to ignore,
Ran into me at the local store,
Her jeer and her sneer
Broke my calm veneer
An’ I called her a smutty ol’ Wh**re!
A fellow I tried to ignore
Asked me out ; I said, ‘what for?
I dislike your guts,
And think you’re a klutz,
So don’t darken my door evermore!’
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was shown the way to front door,
For in public, he’d put
In his mouth, his big foot
He daren’t face me anymore!
A woman I tried to ignore
made a scene in an haute couture store.
She paired a pelt scarf
with faux feathers. (Oh barf!)
Quoth the raven, “Faux pas! Never more!”
A fellow I tried to ignore
ate a box of nice iced petit fours.
They were meant as a gift:
Now the giftee is miffed:
‘Twas exactly what he had plumped for.
A fellow I tried to ignore
said, “I am not responsible for
the scandal of hacking
so don’t be attacking
me right on the Parliament floor.
“That plate which was thrown by a knave
was just rude. And I hate Burma Shave.
I prefer Castle Forbes
since it better absorbs.
Any other brand makes my wife rave.”
A fellow I tried to ignore
once a weird costume wore.
With the circus in town,
everyone thought he was a clown
and at his antics did applaud and roar.
A woman I tried to ignore,
taught her two cats how to snore,
which they did all night
I thought out of spite,
I don’t sleep there anymore.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Now lives (with his pets) right next door.
While I always say
Meows and barks are okay
I’m bothered by howl, growl and roar.
A woman I try to ignore
Regurgitates gospel galore;
Extratextual facts,
Diverse views these didacts
Can’t digest — best to show them the door.
A fellow I tried to ignore
was just calling out to me, ‘Fore!’
Then his ball hit my head;
‘fore I know it, we’re wed,
and that man I now simply adore.
This is an awesome limerick, you really are a master of your craft
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was the neighbor who moved in next door.
I found, to my sorrow,
That things he would borrow
Were stashed in his second-hand store.
A fellow I tried to ignore
Has followed me all through the store
He thinks me a slacker
Declining his cracker;
Oh hell – pass the Spam de Wild Boar.
Thanks again everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over, and the results are in. Who won Limerick Of The Week? The answer is right here.
A new limerick-writing challenge has already begun. My new Limerick-Off is right here. I hope to see you there. Thanks again!
Never More
a woman I tried to ignore
continued to pound on my door
a red brick in my hand
I made one final stand
she pounds on MY door never more