Rude Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow I tried to ignore…

or

A woman I tried to ignore…

Here’s mine:

Rude Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow I tried to ignore
Was a rude, inconsiderate bore.
He’d sneeze in my face
And then cough just in case
All his germs failed to enter each pore.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

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68 Responses to “Rude Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Came and threw himself down on my floor.
    He said ‘Please adore me!’
    I said ‘No! You bore me!’
    And then kicked him right out the door.

    Thanks for last week’s special mention. World wide fame!

  2. Great Limerick.
    I’ve had a nightmare week this week as my Dad went into hospital and my mum also needed medical intervention. May not get a chance to join in this week. :O)

  3. Stan Ski says:

    Great Limerick – all’s well with me, and I intend to return to regular blogging ASAP (priorities permitting…).
    Thanks for your visits.

  4. David Franks says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was ignoring my snub even more,
    Which I found beneath mention.
    Imagine the tension
    As ignorance came to the fore.

  5. John Larkin says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore,
    was knocking at my front door.
    He wouldn’t stop selling
    even though I kept telling
    that I didn’t need any more.

  6. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Improbably named Dumbledore,
    He told me I oughter
    Read more Harry Potter
    But he never could tell me what for…

  7. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Ignored me just to even the score
    I became so intrigued
    Once my interest was piqued
    I intend to ignore her some more.

  8. Linkmeister says:

    A fella I tried to ignore
    Would emit a furious roar
    When confronted with facts
    Via telly or fax
    He liked Fox’s views so much more!

  9. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Cause “that moron cannot beat Al Gore”
    Taught me this lesson well:
    It’s not brain cells that sell;
    Now we’re paying with job loss and war.

  10. Elaine says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Seems to be on TV even more
    TLC still loves Kate
    And each one of her 8
    But Jon Gosselin they kicked out the door.

  11. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Had a penchant for violence and gore.
    He drooled with delight
    At the sobering sight
    Of me with my blood-soaked chainsaw.

  12. madkane says:

    We are really off to a great start here. Thanks! Please keep them coming and cross-post them on my Facebook, if you’re active there. (You can even cross-post them on my Google-Plus post if you’ve joined.)

    By the way, if you’re not on Google+ and want an invitation, private message me with your email address and I’ll send you one.

  13. Veralynne says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Was, simply, a horrible bore
    Mixing her church and state…
    Twisting her love with hate,
    Pushing policies sane people abhor.

  14. Veralynne says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Sought publicity more and more
    She think’s she’s hot stuff
    But, please! That’s enough!
    Let someone who’s smart take the floor!

  15. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman I’ve tried to ignore,
    Malevolent, crude to the core
    Proves poor education
    Is no aberration:
    It’s requisite in a Koch whore.

  16. Steve Bumgarner says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Shouted “BUDDY, YOU WANT A WHORE?!!
    SHE IS QUITE A BEAUTY,
    BY LUCK SHE’S ON DUTY!!!”
    Mortified me down to my core.

  17. brian miller says:

    a woman i tried to ignore
    kept beating the hell out my door
    at every turn tried
    resided her prying eyes
    until hole-y she lied on the floor

  18. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Accosted me down at the store
    To spin me some lies
    About all his ex-wives
    No wonder they showed him the door

  19. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Came banging real hard on my door
    He wanted the rent
    That horrible gent
    I just won’t see HIM anymore.

  20. A fellow I tried to ignore
    when he pounded on my front door
    had nothing to drink
    so what made him think
    that I had something to pour?

  21. A fellow I tried to ignore
    but I knew what he came for,
    but his wife was not there,
    she used the back stair,
    so I bravely opened the door.

  22. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Said my calculations had been very poor
    If it weren’t for the audit
    He’d never have caught it
    When I asked what I owed he said “More.”

  23. J Sardo says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Was banging with force on the door.
    She was selling a scheme
    In a new magazine
    That promised fine riches galore.

  24. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Yapped until my ears were sore
    Her tongue was still wagging
    Consistently nagging
    Thank God I could still afford a whore

  25. Victoria says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Had the world’s most thunderous snore.
    I flew to the guest room
    On my handy witch broom
    Yet hear him downstairs through closed door.

  26. scott says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore,
    was poking around my back door..
    He spread my ass cheeks,
    and I let out some shrieks.
    That Proctologist sure made me sore.

  27. A fellow I tried to ignore
    was shouting a few yards from shore.
    Refusing to listen
    unwilling to hasten
    pretty soon the bloke was no more.

  28. A woman I tried to ignore
    Kept banging on my bedroom door
    “Be quiet!” I did shout,
    “Or I won’t let you out!”
    … What’s that? FIVE lines?! I thought you said four. :(

  29. Shammi says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Because he was a colossal bore
    Refused to go away
    (Too stupid, I daresay) –
    In men, two traits I very much deplore.

  30. Shammi says:

    And another:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Kept on carping about my décor.
    Did she have any right
    To get quite so uptight
    When I finally showed her the door?

  31. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Cleared out the Congressional floor
    With the unpleasant facts
    Of budget cuts, tax,
    And Medicare, pensions and war.

  32. Shammi says:

    The first one again, slightly modified to make it better (I think). I’d be grateful for your opinion, Madeleine:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Because he was a colossal bore
    Didn’t take the hint
    (Too stupid to, I think)…
    In men, traits I very much deplore.

  33. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Talked louder, and then he swore
    I won’t buy what your selling
    So please stop your yelling
    I don’t care how loud you roar.

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was plainly the world’s biggest bore
    His jokes were not funny
    His puns were not punny
    – His company was simply a chore.

  34. A woman I tried to ignore
    Was the trailer trash livin’ next door
    She was totally uncouth.
    Only had one good tooth,
    And herpes infections galore

  35. Anu says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Already had his foot in the door
    Like the Raven from Poe
    I wished he would go
    So I could gleefully quote, “Nevermore”.

  36. Andy says:

    Ugh…sorry, but ugh…gross!

    I appreciate the visit to my blog. Thanks. ;-)

  37. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was my Hubby with his noisy snore.
    I said, “Sorry, my Love!”
    And gave him a shove,
    But he snored all the more on the floor.

  38. Anu says:

    Here’s “more”…

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was full of stories galore
    Each more boring than the last
    He thought it was a blast
    Till he saw us passed out on the floor

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Designer fashion did adore
    She wore crazy heels by Dior
    Till her feet got sore
    And one of her muscles tore

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Promised to teach me folklore
    Being nïve and gullible I went
    Hoping time would be well spent
    Only to be shown porn from a decade before

    A woman I tried to ignore
    Had mean traits I did abhor
    Even Schadenfreude
    Woulda cried
    With her being so bitchy to the core

  39. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman I try to ignore
    Because, frankly, the woman’s a bore,
    Shows her face morn and night
    In my mirror – that’s right;
    Between you and me, self-love’s a chore.

  40. Jingle says:

    perfect piece.

    Happy Potluck.

  41. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Promised love and so much more.
    But he was a bore and a user
    The epitome of loser,
    And before too long I showed him the door.

  42. haha i love this! i mean i hate this rude guy that spreads germs. i mean i love you for writing this!

  43. Ellen Garneau says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore,
    All night he did snore,
    Pushed onto his face,
    A pillow I place,
    And now he lives no more.

  44. A woman I tried to ignore
    as I strolled along the shore
    but her lack of a top
    caused me to stop
    or was it the smile she wore

    I ahven’t written a limerick since high school! What fun! (Still have that high school touch, too. Don’t ya think?)

  45. scott says:

    A woman I tried to ignore,
    had spurned my advances before.
    Then she offered romance,
    and I jumped at the chance.
    I’m a typical, sex craving boar.

  46. madkane says:

    Thanks everyone for your enthusiastic words and fun limericks. Please keep your limericks coming. You have an entire week to compete for Limerick of the Week!

  47. Bruce Niedt says:

    I don’t know why, but your blog won’t let me post my limerick here. After the first time when it didn’t show up, I tried twice more and each time got a message that it was a duplicate and wouldn’t let me post. Guess you’ll have to read my entry on your Facebook page.

  48. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    rants on from the Capitol floor.
    He harps on the budget –
    while I want to nudge it,
    his plan is to cut to the core.

  49. Bruce Niedt says:

    And her’s another:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    has become quite a pestering bore,
    with his really tight pants,
    and his red cape and dance –
    I’m a bull, he’s a toreador!

  50. Daisy Mae says:

    A woman I try to ignore
    Attempted a word for rapport
    She probably shoulda
    Avoided saying ‘chuts-pah’
    I laughed ‘til my sides got too sore!

  51. Am not like this for sure:

    A woman I tried to ignore,
    Ran into me at the local store,
    Her jeer and her sneer
    Broke my calm veneer
    An’ I called her a smutty ol’ Wh**re!

  52. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Asked me out ; I said, ‘what for?
    I dislike your guts,
    And think you’re a klutz,
    So don’t darken my door evermore!’

  53. A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was shown the way to front door,
    For in public, he’d put
    In his mouth, his big foot
    He daren’t face me anymore!

  54. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman I tried to ignore
    made a scene in an haute couture store.
    She paired a pelt scarf
    with faux feathers. (Oh barf!)
    Quoth the raven, “Faux pas! Never more!”

  55. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    ate a box of nice iced petit fours.
    They were meant as a gift:
    Now the giftee is miffed:
    ‘Twas exactly what he had plumped for.

  56. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    said, “I am not responsible for
    the scandal of hacking
    so don’t be attacking
    me right on the Parliament floor.

    “That plate which was thrown by a knave
    was just rude. And I hate Burma Shave.
    I prefer Castle Forbes
    since it better absorbs.
    Any other brand makes my wife rave.”

  57. Anu says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    once a weird costume wore.
    With the circus in town,
    everyone thought he was a clown
    and at his antics did applaud and roar.

  58. A woman I tried to ignore,
    taught her two cats how to snore,
    which they did all night
    I thought out of spite,
    I don’t sleep there anymore.

  59. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Now lives (with his pets) right next door.
    While I always say
    Meows and barks are okay
    I’m bothered by howl, growl and roar.

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman I try to ignore
    Regurgitates gospel galore;
    Extratextual facts,
    Diverse views these didacts
    Can’t digest — best to show them the door.

  61. Tilly Bud says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    was just calling out to me, ‘Fore!’
    Then his ball hit my head;
    ‘fore I know it, we’re wed,
    and that man I now simply adore.

  62. This is an awesome limerick, you really are a master of your craft

  63. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Was the neighbor who moved in next door.
    I found, to my sorrow,
    That things he would borrow
    Were stashed in his second-hand store.

  64. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow I tried to ignore
    Has followed me all through the store
    He thinks me a slacker
    Declining his cracker;
    Oh hell – pass the Spam de Wild Boar.

  65. madkane says:

    Thanks again everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over, and the results are in. Who won Limerick Of The Week? The answer is right here.

    A new limerick-writing challenge has already begun. My new Limerick-Off is right here. I hope to see you there. Thanks again!

  66. Patricia says:

    Never More

    a woman I tried to ignore
    continued to pound on my door
    a red brick in my hand
    I made one final stand
    she pounds on MY door never more