A Limerick With Clout (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was proud of his clout…
or
A gal who was proud of her clout…
Here’s mine:
A Limerick With Clout
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was proud of his clout
And had nary a hint of self-doubt
Became cocky and lewd
And carelessly crude.
As for power, he now has a drought.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Clout Humor, Crude Limerick, Lewd Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Power Verse, Self-Doubt, Writing Prompts
A man who was proud of his clout
entered a wrestling bout
there was nary a win
as he lost by a pin
which caused him to pucker and pout
A gal who was proud of her clout
had looks that she often did tout
despite a big sinner
her smile was a winner
a ticket to heaven, no doubt
A man who was proud of his clout
Said ‘My rules nobody must flout!’
But I laid him low
When I trod on his toe!
I knew that he suffered from gout!
A man who was proud of his clout
Had the nerve to build a moat
Cutting himself off
Ruling his loft
His only disciple a goat
A man who was proud of his clout
Started to wonder what life was about
He started to wishing
Thought it best to go fishing
And spent the weekend catching prize rainbow trout.
A gal who was proud of her clout,
when fondled would shudder and shout.
And she learned by and by,
it is spelled with an I.
The O and the U are left out.
A man who was proud of his clout
Did challenge Mohd Ali to a quick bout;
Alas for him, Cassius Clay
(As he was known in his day)
With one punch knocked him clean out.
Using both introductions,
They would walk through their district and shout. Please do not pout. Do not worry, you have no food , so you will not have a bout , like me , and get the gout. I have no doubt.
A man who was proud of his clout
Had a shower that needed some grout
The powerful bastard
Got his whole bathroom plastered
By taking the sleaziest route
A man who was proud of his clout
had never exhibited self-doubt
Till he was hit with reality
Said he “She done left me!”
And henceforth he did nothing but pout.
really enjoy to read them…but i seem to have a limerick writers block…smiles
A man who was proud of his clout
Didn’t care who or what he sold out
Said, “it’s all just a game
One that buys me some fame
From the timid, the less than and devout.”
He’s done well for a college drop out
Of that there is no doubt
But it’s the same old same
Another man without shame
Looking for the next big pay out.
He doesn’t know what life’s about
Laughs with every punch and shout
How incredibly lame
To make others the blame
For his own black soul cop out.
a man who was proud of his clout
was soon to be in for a rout
he met a smart filly
who made him look silly
and now all he does is pout…
see mine just get worse…lol
Good one, Madeleine! You are so good. xoxo
A man who was proud of his clout
Ruled his life with increasing loud shouts
His resonance pealed
With such unyielding wield
He came to be known as a lout
A man who was proud of his clout
Was considered by most a lout
He blustered to and fro
Made messes from the word go
And answered his critics with a pout
A man who was proud of his clout
Paid cash so the law he could flout
But his reckless demeanor
Found a cop who was meaner
And threatened a clout to his snout.
A gal who was proud of her clout
Was a beauty – could knock your eye out
She knew what she had
But was always real bad
and caused lots of guys to shout.
All of these are so clever! I wouldn’t know where to begin. I will look forward to your “contemplate” haiku Madelaine, if you decide to use this as a prompt. I think that’s a great idea.
Happy Week and Hugs, G
A man who was proud of his clout
And loved to holler and shout
Drew a bow one too many
And lost his last penny
So now touts the grace of a lout.
A man who was proud of his clout,
Thought he’d pose with his Weiner quite stout
Before a web cam.
Tweeted pic/porno slam.
Wife Huma vows he’ll go without!!!
A gal who was proud of her clout
Felt she was hot stuff, there’s no doubt
She thought what she did went unseen
But it got told at the local canteen
Gales of laughter were heard throughout!
This immediately made me think of Wiener!
Will He Plead the Ninth?
A gal who was proud of her clout
Unlike some who’d showboat or shout,
Firmly made it her mission
To inspire their submission
In the courtroom ~ a winner, no doubt…
Then one day she met bland, ruthless Joe,
What a charmer: most judges he’d snow
With his grin and his patter.
His logic? no matter;
She watched him put on a good show
‘Til they crossed in the hallway one day.
“Grace,” he smirked, “Have I got in your way?
“We all want to win,
“So you’d better begin
“To enjoy it: and let me convey
“My best wishes on ending your reign.
“But to mitigate some of your pain,
“May I take you to dinner?
“You WERE once a winner
“And I just split up with Elaine…”
Grace smiled as she thrust in the knife.
“Joe, I know that Marie was your wife,
“But I’m dating her now.
“What a spitfire! So how
“Did she stand you so long? Get a life!”
Joe glared back as he strode down the hall.
O’er proceedings, a sizeable pall
Tipped the balance of power
Back to Grace from that hour…
And at supper that night, she told all
To the woman she’d offered her heart.
Marie mused, “You know, Joe’s not that smart.
“He’s so blind! Failed to see
“Your attraction for me ~
“Ego blocked what he saw from the start.”
They held hands, spoke of yearnings and hope;
Shared their challenges, ways they would cope
With the Joes each had met.
Grace proposed a small bet:
Would Joe mope? (He wore taupe.) Answer: nope! :)
Steve, your guy is a real wein-ner! :^D
Scott, I hardly know what to say…!!! Ahem…my jaw dropped when I “got it.” Congrats ~ I think! ;^D
A man who was proud of his clout
Had ordered a pitcher of stout
Because of his status
Assumed it was gratis
The bartender had him thrown out
A guy who was proud of his clout
In nightclubs would always hang out,
And was seen with who’s whom
In the VIP room,
‘Til his wife called and had him thrown out.
Steve, what a great one! My husband enjoys Obsidian stout especially, though we’ve paid for his… :)
A man who was proud of his clout
At boxing lost nary a bout.
He once won the gold
But that now that he’s old
Has grown slow and dreadfully stout
I’m really enjoying these limericks. Thanks, and please keep them coming!
damn, I think this makes it sound slightly better (pls delete the prev limerick – dont mean to spam your page!)
A man who was proud of his clout
Thought he needed to stand out;
He giggled and preened,
And boasted and queened –
But ev’ryone thought he’d at last come out.
And yet another:
A gal who was proud of her clout
When ignored, was inclined to pout.
At every party she’d complain,
Drinking far too much champagne –
Until, irritated, they threw her out.
:)
A man who was proud of his clout
Among deli’s left no one to doubt
Whether t’was the cheesecake? Pastrami?
Pickles? Latkes? Salami?
No! They lined up for miles for the ‘kraut!
A man who was proud of his clout
was often laid low by the gout.
But he still drank his port
(much, much more than he ought)
thus putting his ‘clout’ in some doubt.
A man who was proud of his clout
He believed was due to his snout
He walked around in pomp
Expecting an easy romp,
But life trounced him to a rout.
A gal who was proud of her clout
was seen often gadding about.
She walks her dear pet
and goes to the Met
and lunches on wieners and kraut.
A man who was proud of his clout
was often the first one to shout:
“Hey, bar keep, a beer!
And bring it right here.
Or you’ll learn what my clout’s all about.”
A man who was proud of his clout
Remarked that day in and day out
‘Twas all he could do
His job to pursue
While patrons, his greatness did tout
A man who was proud of his clout
Thought that tweeting his assets, no doubt,
Would give such a thrill
But the outcry is shrill
Is it time for the creep to log out?
A man who was proud of his clout
Never ran out of things he might tout
He self-aggrandized,
Stopping just short of lies
Was there ever a beastlier lout?
A man who was proud of his clout
Had been living a lie there’s no doubt
His importance he thought
Was not purchased, not bought
He was born with it, Boy! What a lout!
A gal who was proud of her clout
Lifted high her very large snout
She said with a grin as she tilted her chin
“Barbra Streisand, eat your heart out!”
These are fun everyone! Please keep them coming!
A man who was proud of his clout,
had gathered reporters about.
Then he made a big speech,
and took his game to South Beach.
But still has no titles to flout.
A man who was proud of his clout,
for joking and goofing about,
picked up the banjo,
used verbal ammo,
and let his fun singing voice out.
Steve Martin Limerick
A man who was proud of his clout
Had a propensity always to shout
Unable to whisper
He deafened his sister
Now his clout has been mellowed with stout.
A man who was proud of his clout
unfortunately was rarely seen about
he conducted his work so subtle and slow
that it wasn’t much of a show
So his real worthiness was in much doubt
A gal who was proud of her clout
was also incredibly stout
said she with a smile
I can really go the mile
coz I literally throw my weight about
Fourth one:
A man who was proud of his clout
Was honestly a bit of a lout.
He would bully and tease
Imagining he was the bee’s knees –
But socially he was a washout.
A man who was proud of his clout,
Any rule, he disliked, he did flout,
But he was seen,
with a girl, fifteen,
It’ll be seven years ’til he’s out!
A man who was proud of his clout
brought a bat to the plate, big and stout.
Quite a menacing guy,
when the pitcher let fly –
but whaddya know, he struck out!
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. And please keep them coming!
A man who was proud of his clout
And his very large Romanesque snout,
Though endowed in the head,
Was less cocky in bed
Where his anthony fast petered out.
A Man who was proud of his clout
Didn’t realize he was such a lout
When he strutted his stuff,
Tweeting pix in the buff,
Fellow Congressmen told him: “get out!”
(Should have read the others before writing my previous post. Here’s another tack)
A Man who was proud of his clout
Went a-hiking Alaska’s Redoubt
“Warnings ain’t meant for me.
I know Miss Sara P.”
The volcano (no fan) spat him out!
A man who was proud of his clout
Would endlessly sputter and spout
His views with elation,
Each firm declaration
On things he knew nothing about.
A gal who was proud of her clout
Once regretted her date with a lout.
They went a first round,
Soon he lay on the ground:
‘Bout her prowess, was left in no doubt.
A man who was proud of his clout,
New “achievements” each day he would tout:
Voters fin’ly grew bored
Of his “Praise me, oh Lord!”
And rebelled, shouting “Toss the bum out!”
A man who was proud of his clout,
Bad tempered and given to shout,
Through abuse of his power
Tore a new one each hour:
Wil[Won’t!]helm’s a big sauer Kraut.
A man who was proud of his clout
And his rather large Romanesque snout
Was less cocky in bed
Despite said superb head:
It seemed swagger was all he could spout.
A gal who was proud of her clout
Spoke her mind and was not round about;
Employees kept quiet;
Her kids chose to riot;
Her husband just prayed for a drought.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over and the winners list is here.
But you can still have fun with limericks and compete for Limerick of the week at my spanking new Limerick-Off posted here: Generous Limerick — Limerick-Off Monday.