Dated Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman went out on a date…
or
A fellow went out on a date…
Here’s mine:
Dated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman went out on a date
With a man who was easy to hate.
So why did she go?
He had plenty of dough
And was ancient and soon would be late.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Dating Limerick, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Date Bait
Thank you for some more brain-exercise!
A woman went out on a date
hoping to find her a mate
she called the guy honey
to latch onto his money
the poor sap caught on much too late
A young girl went out on a date
with a man who had a bald pate.
She’d thought him too old
but if truth be told,
he was funny and wise, her soulmate.
A woman went out on a date
Fell in love and thought it was fate.
His name was Stan
A really good man
They got married and life turned out great.
Wow…that was pretty wholesome, and not at all dirty. Sorry, I’ll re-think this one and come back later. :)
Mad Kane Ma’am,
I’m not into Limerick, not yet. But I like the humour and wit around it. Since you’ve allowed us a week, I’ll try one for sure.
I’ve one below, not a limerick but with a bit of humour just the same.
Mission Unaccomplished.
A woman went out on a date
But her nose was runny – oh, great.
She had to blow it
But wouldn’t you know it?
At the table it leaked on her plate.
a woman went out on a date
in advance her heart leapt with elate
they’d been doing just fine
till he started to whine
her last nerves her date started to grate.
A fellow went out on a date
and proudly showed off his best trait.
And the woman was awed
and loud did applaud,
but now she complains that she’s late.
A woman went out on a date
And made sure she wiuldn’t be late
She picked a man
Who went on the lam
He didn’t want to be her mate
I love reading eveyone’s limericks!
A woman went out on a date
Leaving her future to fate
She hoped he would be superior
But turned out he was quite inferior
So after they ate
She left her poor mate
In shock and alone at the gate.
A fellow went out on a date
Was now standing alone at the gate
His luck he bemoaned
For he now was dethroned
So went home to his fate with no mate.
A woman went out on a date,
ended up hanging on the gate,
She took a winger, became a swinger
and let all the guys to home plate
A fellow went out on a date
with a woman who came in a crate
the instructions did say
blow her up in the day
she’ll blow back by that evening at eight
A woman went out on a date
She fussed and primped until eight
His car was all shiny
But his brain it was stymied
“For this I shaved my legs? Great.”
A woman went out on a date
With a fellow who made her irate
He showed up at her door
Like a john for his whore
And proceeded to ask for her rate
A young man went out on a date
To try and invent his own fate
Told his friends that he laid her
Omitted he made her
Now the cops want his head on a plate
A woman went out on a date
With a fella we all love to hate
it must have been her day
Cause in the bed she lay
With captain John Sparrow, the pirate
A fellow went out on a date,
with a gal of considerable weight.
She requested romance,
he told her “fat chance.”
The odds that he’ll live are not great.
A woman went out on a date
who believed a dull night was her fate
after dancing and wine
and a mighty good time
she made it home really quite late.
I give up…could not start the second line with “With a……” and not end up with an extra or irregular beat in the second line (I’m sure there is some real poetic terminology for this, but I am a “C” student). So, had to improvise.
A fellow went out on a date
But found himself in a debate
You want to get kissed
Instead of dismissed?
Leave politics at the front gate
These limericks are great fun! Please keep them coming and cross-post them on my Facebook post, if you’re active there. Thanks!
Goal Accomplished?
A woman went out on a date
Intending to capture a mate.
She proved after dinner
Just how skilled a “sinner”
She was: he grinned, “Babe, that was great!”
Wish I Had Me A Bigger Fish
A fellow went out on a date
Not elated to learn he was bait
For a much bigger fish.
Oh, yes, she got her wish:
Rich Rich back…”Hey, thanks, Jack; you were great!”
I wish I could write like you …
perfectly played humor.
enjoyed the flow.
:)
Too Late For That Pate
A woman went out on a date
But couldn’t look past his bald pate,
So disdained him. But later,
She learned from their waiter,
“Bill Gates’ second cousin tipped great!”
Humor Saves the Night
A fellow went out on a date
But nervous, displayed each bad trait
To perfection. She laughed,
“I could give you the shaft;
I’m intrigued, though! Relax, I can wait.” :)
Amended thanks to some expert advice.
A fellow went out on a date
But found himself deep in debate
You want to get kissed
Instead of dismissed?
Leave politics at the front gate
Nerves Ahead
A woman went out on a date
But had worked herself into a state:
Dropped her food, spilled her wine
(Natch, he left before nine) ~
Alas, fate nixed that possible mate…
A fellow went out on a date
though twas hard to communicate.
He didn’t speak Thai
but he gave it a try,
some things you don’t need to translate.
Grate Date
A woman went out on a date
And upon her companion did grate;
He could feel his nerves fraying:
How long’d she be staying?
Two more hours?! Not sure he could wait…
Ap-pair-ently Meant To Be
A fellow went out on a date
And proceeded to load up his plate.
His date ate more too,
They grinned o’er their stew;
Fait accompli: they’d each found a mate.
He Ain’t Heavy…
A woman went out on a date
And was asked behind door four to wait:
“It’s no laughing matter,
I’m weighing who’s fatter!”
Not upscale, he’s strictly third rate.
Blind Date
A woman went out on a date
Set up by her nosy roommate
When she looked at him
With his toothless grin
She vomited all that she ate
Your limericks are delightful =)
A woman went out on a date.
Her little black dress was sedate,
but her pulse-rate was racing
with thoughts of unlacing
a Tea Party candidate.
A woman went out on a date,
with a man she had met on E-Mate,
who said he was wealthy,
tall dark and healthy,
but was poor, pasty white and five-eight.
So the woman got up and she ran,
and gave up on finding a man.
In a world full of losers,
liars and boozers,
she’ll stick with her ol’ steely Dan.
Here’s mine:
A fellow went out on a date
With a pretty young lady called Kate
He thought she was sweet
Polite, funny, and p’tite –
All in all, just right as his latest Playmate.
Any good?
A woman went out on a date
That became a tryst with Fate
As it was a blind date and on the sly
Which unfortunately went awry
When the guy turned out to be her mate !
Or this?
A woman went out on a date
Thinking they were going to ice-skate
When they got to the rink
She found that he did stink.
So she went home really irate.
A fellow went out on a date,
He had an appointment with fate.
But, as luck would have it,
His time didn’t quite fit-
So now he will just have to wait.
A fellow went out on a date
With a girl from a deep Southern State
She only ate grits
Which gave her the s**ts
So he left at a very fast rate!
There was a young woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Within half an hour
her t**s were aflower
and her f**** was covered in leaves
I.
A woman went out on a date
with a guy who was just half her weight.
She sat on his lap
and fell through the gap.
To be an old maid was her fate.
II.
A woman went out on a date
with a fellow who wasn’t quite straight.
She wanted a beau
but he preferred Joe
so he left her alone at the gate.
A woman went out on a date
That started and ended at eight:
“His chiseled physique
Would render me weak,
So I’m leaving before it’s too late.”
Sherry, I like yours :) Hi Scott, Steely Dan is great anytime, aren’t they? :) Dr. Goose, what a chuckle! :)
Decisions, Decisions
A fellow went out on a date
To help him decide: gay or straight?
In the past he had strayed,
To both sides he had swayed;
He’d…Bingo!…get one of each mate.
A great collection. I may be back with one later.
Your limerick reminded me of Anna Nicole Smith!
A woman went on a date
With a bad-boy she did hate!
Evil minded full of glee
How excited was she
That she never did flee
Misery expounds
To exhausted
To rebound
Madeliene, I know the meter and verse aren’t in sink. Do you think it sinks?
BAB
Barbara, you were off to a decent start, but then wrote too many lines and forgot that the last line must end with an A-rhyme — in this case it must rhyme with date. I’ve done a quick rewrite. (It’s not great, but uses as much of your material as I could, keeping to limerick form.)
A woman went on a date
With a bad-boy she surely did hate!
How excited was she
That she never did flee,
Too exhausted to find a new mate.
A fellow went out on a date
To dictate his will which was late.
As he drove on his journey
To meet his attorney
He crashed, and he died interstate.
Thanks so much Madeleine,
You ending makes better sense. I will study and try to end with a A-rhyme. When do you post the next limerick?
BAB
A fellow went out on a date
With a mermaid, I hate to relate.
He asked that they hook up.
She answered, all shook up,
“You’re MERE man, not MERman.” That’s fate!
Barbara, I post a new Limerick-Off every Sunday or Monday. In between, I post other limericks and miscellaneous humor.
Thanks everyone! I’m really enjoying your limericks. Please keep them coming!
brilliant words.
cheers.
A fellow went out on a date
with a girl from year fifteen aught eight.
She was one he’d first seen
On his used time machine.
He mused: was she early or late?
Burst Bubble
A woman went out on a date
And envisioned the life they’d create:
They would mate, procreate!
It’d be perfect! Well, great…
Then – alas – with the “wrong” fork he ate.
Ships Crossing
A woman went out on a date
To which she was trendily late,
But he was quite early ~
As a consequence, surly;
They couldn’t begin to relate.
Call of the Wild
A woman went out on a date
Who stridently urged her to mate:
“You’re no prime mate, you ape!
Since you’re fat, out of shape,
I won’t monkey around (’til third date).”
Not Like The Musical
A fellow went out on a date
With a woman – attractive – named Kate.
He joked, “So you’ll kiss me?”
Retort: “No! Don’t dis me;
You’ll miss me, I’m leaving! Don’t wait…”
Mutual Disregard
A woman went out on a date
With a surgeon who failed to elate.
His ego’s inflated,
She thought; felt deflated ~
And dinner would always be late.
He looked at her: thin lips, chin sagging;
In two years, he’d hear daily nagging.
Dinner over, each stood,
Phony smiles: “That was good…”
Riddance. Both left, relieved {darn! no shagging.}
Topic Best Avoided
A fellow went out on a date:
Grave error ~ he asked her her weight.
She glared, “Does it matter?
Sure, I might get fatter!
Keep it up, it’s on thin ice you skate…”
…Two in the Bush?
A fellow went out on a “date”:
She insisted on charging full rate.
“Babe, I’m much in demand ~
Wait ’til you feel The Hand!
Drop your trou, thank me now: let’s not wait!”
This Limerick-Off has concluded and the winner is… Limerick of the Week 11.
Thanks again to all of you for your wonderful limericks!
A brand new Limerick-Off has just begun. You can find it here: Moody Limerick.