An Upset Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
But I’m trying something a bit different this time: One of your limericks will be anointed Limerick Of The Week. How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week in next week’s Limerick-Off post. And that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was very upset…
or
A woman was very upset…
Here’s mine:
Upset Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was very upset.
He was fretting and filled with regret.
He’d followed a tip
To invest in a ship,
Then discovered the tip was all wet.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Investment Humor, Limerick Of The Week, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Prize Winning Limericks, Ships, Writing Prompts
A fellow was very upset
When he purchased a classic Corvette
He was looking for kicks
Out on Route 66,
But he can’t afford gasoline yet
A fellow was very upset
about one girl he just couldn’t get.
So he started Facebook
but was still such a schnook.
He was gross but just look at his net (worth).
An Unfortunate Slip of the Tongue
A fellow was very upset
About words he had come to regret
Like calling her Dee
When her name was Marie
In the heat of a passionate sweat
A fellow was very upset
Online he did meet a brunette
When they kissed at her door
He but fell to the floor
Her male package he’d never forget
— Catherine and Ron
A woman was very upset
She met a young man on the Net
He kissed her goodnight
And had a real fright
Her package, he felt, was a threat
…
~Ron & Catherine
A woman was very upset
Her dry cleaning wasn’t ready yet
She waited a while
Nude, but without guile
You should’ve seen all the looks she could get!
It was a protest for promises broken
This time written, not only spoken
She hoped someone would ask
She was prepared for the task
But desire for reasons were not what was awoken.
The barber across the street was amused
He’d lost some customers and was confused
They had all enjoyed the show
Of his bad cuts he said, “It’ll grow”
But return visits they all refused.
Once dressed in her fresh duds she left,
Hurrying to the showing, bereft.
It was her black suit, you see,
She had somewhere to be!
It was the funeral of that friend with the cleft.
(Oh, brother! LOL!)
A fellow was very upset
With his little toy Star Wars doll set
His Lando Calrissian
‘s in near-mint condition;
Why did he not buy Boba Fett!?
A woman was very upset…
After hearing of the national debt.
She learned of twisted congregational spending and more
So much bad news she fell to the floor
And sat in a stupor as she contemplated the wreck
Of the great nation her forefathers had died to protect
Oh, the horror, of 400 people holding more than 50% of the nation’s monies.
More than 80% of the new profits going to less than 1% of the rich honeys.
Learning of how these thieves had gotten hold of our cash
And how they were continuing to help make the market crash
And getting paid big bonuses to sell us all down the river
Caused her to get a wee bit of a shiver.
Of how our leaders fought wars which murdered the innocent
To gain minerals and oil which they held omnipotent.
Of how companies have outsourced the blood of the nation
And paid no taxes while the rest of us lived on starvation
How the unemployment rate has jumped to the skies
Of how bankers stole lands and homes through deception and Lies
How the FDA teamed up with big drug companies like Merks
To poison the people for profits and perks
And now how Monsanto’s own CEO is top adviser to them
And will he now will usher in Genetically Modified Terminator Seed Crops and even Salmon
That have been proven to jump species and destroy all they touch
While after harvest How current GMO crops were causing the diabetic Obesity crisis and such
How CPS stole children for profit and gain
And propagated sadness, suicides, and pain.
It all seemed too much to bear all at once
She tried to tell her friends, but they called her a conspiracy dunce.
She turned on the news, looking for Hope,
But all she got was Paris Hilton type drivel and a child rapist loving Pope.
All this made her determined to try
To make things right, by and by
But just then the phone rang by her hear
And she heard the doctor’s words tell her the words all women fear.
The biopsy was back, it showed malignant cancer attack, and
Death would come soon, ere the next full moon.
And so, sad and morose she grew resigned
To leave this world so corrupted and maligned
With a smile on her lips and a prayer in her heart
That heaven would bring her bliss, and a fresh start.
A fellow was very upset
Respected by no one he met
Asked, “Who’s pulling your strings?”
Said, “I know not those things,
I’m only a marionette.”
A fellow was very upset
He’d just lost a huge horse bet
He’d put a thou. on Seersucker
But she was too tuckered
She’d been rode hard and put up wet
FOR JOHN AND ANGUS
A fellow was very upset
He can’t speak without making a threat
The shine’s off the Sheen
Charlie’s just way too mean
TWO MEN will gain viewers, I’ll bet!
A woman was very upset,
cuz she hadn’t reached orgasm yet.
She was just disbelievin,
that the a-hole was leavin,
‘twas a date she would rather forget.
A fellow was very upset,
So he lit up a weird cigarette.
Some folks call it dope,
but it sure helps him cope,
with things he would like to forget.
A fellow was very upset,
Cause the gal he had met
Had called up his wife
And the resultant strife
Had left his pants all wet.
well penned upset entry,
cheers,
A++
These limericks are great fun! Thanks, and please keep them coming.
“A fellow was very upset
At being denied his Rights as a Vet
He had lost his limb serving in an Oil War he Cannot Forget
Visions of tragedies and lifeless eyes haunt him Yet.
Fed up with it all He took a Jet & traveled to a Thailand town named Phuket.”
A fellow was very upset
When he purchased a snake as a pet.
The snake bit his wife
And ended her life.
“Was she bitter?” he asked with regret.
A woman was very up-set
When match point caused demands for a vet
A foot faulting Serena
Tantrummed the arena
With insults, hurled racquets and threats
‘Twas the Open of 2009
That caused Williams’ words to malign
It’s awful, although
She’s no MacEnroe
His meltdowns were outside the line
A fellow was very upset
to find he was deeply in debt.
He accused his wife,
who brandished a knife
and laughed as he started to sweat.
Oops, I’m late!
A fellow was very upset
and he rushed from the room in a pet.
His wife was amused
and tried to excuse
him for flipping, for being so wet.
but the vicar responded “no sweat.”
A fellow was very upset
That his parrot got sick at the vet
When his bird came back silent
The man got quite violent
And issued the Dr a threat
…
Now Dr, both you and your nurse
Must remove from my Polly this curse
Now start working real quick
Make her better, not sick
Or you’ll go for a ride in a hearse
Said the vet who was now quite afraid
Why it seems a mistake has been made
I had two birds, both cute
One was chatty, one mute
I’ll just switch them for service unpaid!
A woman was very upset
Enough to grit her teeth
She’s now ready for the battle
With the fats that dangle
It’s about time to get fit!
:)
A fellow was very upset
Bout his lady, who he couldn’t get wet
Try as he may
With every roll in the hay
She’d only ask, “aren’t we done yet”
A fellow was very upset
To Japan his cap was set
He went back to Nantucket
Where his heart was still stuck-et
And a proper limerick is set
A fellow was very upset
His needs were completely unmet
But back to the bar
It wasn’t too far
And he brought home a new girl Annette
A woman was very upset
By a man she barely met
She went a-sprawling
As he was a-brawling
With a tailor named Taylor on a bet
you are so talented in this! here’s my potluck.. cheesecake
Thanks so much everyone for your kind words and limericks. And please keep those limerick coming. Thanks!
A fellow was very upset,
Someone keyed his pristine Corvette.
“I’ll find you,” he roared.
Words others ignored,
“Twas you, silly louse; end your threat!”
A woman was very upset
She swallowed a worm on a bet
It started to squirm…
Then became rather firm
T’was something she’d NEVER forget!
A fellow was very upset
And filled with remorse and regret
That, instead of The Times,
His limerick rhymes
Appeared in the local Gazette.
Oh, Madeleine, you wicked conjurer of limericks, I love this challenge! Amy Barlow Liberatore
Consequences
A woman was very upset
She let her friends make her a bet
With little affinity
She lost her virginity
But gained a herpetic regret
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Lynn S: Though your limerick is more of an epic poem, I applaud your stating of the facts of our national – and now global – crisis. The Proverb is often misused, “Money is the root of all evil.” The correct sentence is, “THE LOVE of money is the root of all evil.”
Cogent commentary on our times… courtesy of the Old Testament. So Lynn, know that I’m right on board with you. Hope to read more of your writings. Please visit my blog:
Sharp Little Pencil
Peace, Amy Barlow Liberatore
A fellow was very upset.
He’d climbed mountains in highest Tibet,
Taken loans without fear
To pay Sherpas, buy gear.
Now he can’t climb his mountain of debt.
A fellow was very upset
Having just gotten a get.
So, he took a cruise
With hundreds of Jews
To replace his wife or just forget.
poor chap… :)
A woman was very upset
For her ire, she needed an outlet
She opened the door
For her worries to pour
But in walked her aunt Margaret
teeheehee..
A fellow was very upset.
He took his sick fox to the vet.
The fox wasn’t foxy.
He’d swallowed epoxy.
His statue is standing there yet.
I’m really enjoying these. Please keep your limericks coming. I won’t be picking Limerick Of The Week until sometime on Sunday. So you have plenty of time to submit your verse. Thanks!
A fellow was very upset.
He cried “Take it easy, my pet!”
When he saw that his wife
Who was wielding a knife
Planned to show him a slice of life yet.
A woman was very upset
She could once do a neat pirouette.
She died while still raging
She’d lost it with aging.
She spins in her grave even yet.
I hope that you’re not upset
For me piling on more of these yet.
A fellow was very upset
When he fell from his corporate jet.
While plunging toward Hell
He pulled out his cell
Telling friends he’d not meet with them…yet.
Granny, how could I be upset? Your limericks are a delight!
A fellow was terribly late
With a verse to evaluate
His poem unfit to be printed
Unless you wear glasses tinted
Besides which it was second rate
A woman was terribly late
With her monthly time to menstruate
She felt much too young
For a daughter or son
Also father-to-be was jail-bait
Gary, these are fun, but I believe you meant to post them here on my Late Limerick. Feel free to re-post them there, if you’d like to. Thanks!