Archive for January, 2011
Sunday, January 30th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly vain…
Here’s mine:
Vain Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was terribly vain
Was obsessed with his looks on the wane.
He considered a nip
And a tuck, but did zip.
Said “I haven’t got time for the pain.”
(My apologies to Carly Simon.)
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Carly Simon, Obsession Verse, Pain Limerick, Physical Appearance, Plastic Surgery, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Obsessions Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts | 28 Comments »
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Who needs to join a gym when you own a home in New York and experience … pardon my French … winter! Cardio? Check. Muscle building? Check. Seriously, there’s nothing quite like lifting a snow-packed shovel way over my head in my quest for a place to dump the damn stuff. I’m talking mountains of snow, some of it still lingering from December.
That brings me to my wintry mix of limericks:
I Need A Landlord, STAT
By Madeleine Begun Kane
While owning a home can be nice,
It isn’t all sugar and spice:
After snow and ice falls
There’s no landlord for calls
About shov’ling. That’s part of the price.
Lamentable Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I know that it sounds like I’m wailing,
But it’s thund’ring and lightening and hailing.
It was snowing all day.
Now an ice storm? Okay,
It’s official. Can’t take it. I’m bailing.
Tags: Exercise Humor, Gym Membership, Health Limericks, Home Ownership, Ice Storms, Landlord Tenant Humor, New York City Verse, Shoveling Snow, Weather Humor, Weather Poem, Winter Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, House & Home Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 3 Comments »
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Finesse is the word of the day over at Writers Block Daily. It prompted me to write a limerick and haiku:
Finessing Popularity
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with no hint of finesse
Was quite popular. Why? Can you guess?
Neither handsome, nor funny,
The guy sure had money
To spare and was known for largesse.
Finance and finesse
Both begin with the root fin.
End of resemblance?
Tags: Finance Haiku, Generosity, Language Satire, Money Verse, Popularity Humor, Word Derivations
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Haiku & Senryu, Language Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Physical Appearance | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011
Today’s poetry prompt courtesy of Writers Block Daily is “chances are.” It inspired me to write this law-related limerick:
Billable Pep Talk
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“The chances are good that you’ll win,”
Said the lawyer, betraying a grin.
“But you know either way
You will still have to pay
Me the fee that is set forth herein.”
Tags: Lawyer Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Jargon, Litigation Humor, Money Verse
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts | 9 Comments »
Monday, January 24th, 2011
Big Tent Poetry’s latest prompt asks us to dig up a photo portrait taken by someone else and write from the photographer’s point of view. Here’s the limerick I came up with:
Dogged Photographer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh why won’t that doggie sit still?
My photo career’s gone downhill.
I should have said “no”
To that dog owner’s dough.
No more pet shots — I’ve been through the mill.
Tags: Animal Verse, Canine Humor, Dog Verse, Pet Limericks, Photography Humor, Poetry Prompt
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 18 Comments »
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose voice is quite grating…
Here’s mine:
Grating Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose voice is quite grating
And is overly fond of debating,
Often argues with friends
And he always offends,
So his dates never make it to mating.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Argumentative Verse, Battle of the Sexes, Communication Humor, Friendship, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Communication Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor | 25 Comments »
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
Oscar Wilde famously (and amusingly) said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” So I thought I’d have some limerick fun with the “be yourself” advice:
Be Yourself?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Be yourself” is outstanding advice.
You’ve heard it, I’m sure, once or twice.
I’d advise you to take it.
It’s best not to fake it,
Assuming you’re someone who’s nice.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Aphorism Humor, Funny Quotes, Oscar Wilde
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Aphorisms, Behavior & Personality, Famous Quotes Humor | 8 Comments »
Saturday, January 22nd, 2011
When I’m not prompting people to write limericks in my Limerick-Offs, I often seek inspiration from other poets’ prompts, such as the Writer’s Island’s Saturday prompts. This week its word is clarity.
Uncharitable Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It sure is a relative rarity
To find pols who can think with some clarity.
Most pols don’t impress me.
Their follies distress me.
To say that they’re bright would be charity.
(You can find lots more political verse in my Mad Kane’s Political Madness Blog.)
Tags: Charity, Clarity, Poetry & Prompts, Writer's Island, Writing Prompts
Posted in Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Political Satire | 7 Comments »
Saturday, January 22nd, 2011
I fought seeing The Fighter for reasons I explain in my limerick review. But I’m glad I succumbed:
The Fighter, A Limerick Review
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I tend to hate films about fighting.
Cuz I cringe at the punching and smiting.
But The Fighter is more
About fam’ly than gore.
So see it. I promise — no biting.
(The Fighter stars Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, and Melissa Leo.)
Tags: Boxers, Entertainment Limerick, Films, Movie & Play Humor, Movie Reviews, The Fighter
Posted in Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Movie & Play Humor, Sports Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, January 19th, 2011
Most of my limericks on this blog are light. Some are even funny. But this one won’t inspire any chortles. Sorry!
A Deceptive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When complaining that others have lied,
It’s important to look deep inside
And ask if you knew
All along it was you
Who had taken yourself for a ride.
Tags: Dishonesty, Lies, Self-Deception
Posted in Behavior & Personality | 6 Comments »
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
By now, you’ve probably heard the horoscope brouhaha over constellation movements and purported astrological sign shifts. Well, I don’t care what anybody claims about zodiac changes. I’m still a Virgo:
Still A Virgo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s changed.
I’ll respond,”You’re deranged,”
Quite precisely and neatly on cue.
Tags: Astrology Humor, Astronomy, Science Limerick, Virgo Humor, Zodiac
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Birthday Verse, Science Humor | 7 Comments »
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A sports-loving fellow named Lee…
Here’s mine:
Sporty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A sports-loving fellow named Lee
Had a very bad elbow and knee,
Which he blamed on a fall
Suffered playing pro ball,
But he only knew sports from TV.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Liar Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Fans, Sports Humor, Sports Injury, Television Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Entertainment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Leisure Time Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | 22 Comments »
Tuesday, January 11th, 2011
This week’s poetry prompt from Big Tent Poetry involves alliteration. Here’s the limerick I wrote using that prompt:
Gargantuan
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gargantuan guy guzzling beer
Was grinning from ear to huge ear.
When asked why the smile,
He said, “Won me a pile,
So you’ll soon see the last of my rear.”
Tags: Alliteration, Beer, Drinking Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Gambling & Gaming Humor, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts | 7 Comments »
Sunday, January 9th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“I’m sorry I had an affair” …
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Affair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m sorry I had an affair,”
Said a man to his wife in despair.
“Please forgive me — I’m bad.”
She said, “Never, you cad.”
“I warned you before — I don’t share.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Affair Limerick, Battle of the Sexes, Cheating Spouse, Marriage Limerick, Married Couple Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor | 24 Comments »
Saturday, January 8th, 2011
My pal Pat McGuire’s latest Unfinished Limerick Contest involves football, the NFL playoffs, and a disgusting-sounding drink called glug.
Since I hate football and would much rather drink tequila than glug, I wrote my own limerick, instead of finishing Pat’s:
Ugh!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You can’t tempt me with something called glug
In a glass or a cup or a mug.
Plus I hate watching sports
Played on fields or on courts.
So the playoffs? Won’t cheer — I’ll just shrug.
(I won’t be watching The New Orleans Saints play the Seattle Seahawks; or The New York Jets play the Indianapolis Colts; or The Baltimore Ravens play the Chiefs; or The Green Bay Packers play the Philadelphia Eagles. But if you’re a football fan, I hope you enjoy yourselves … and that you don’t lose any big bets.)
Tags: Drinking Limerick, Football Humor, NFL, Patrick McGuire, Playoffs, Sports Humor, Tequila
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Games Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, January 5th, 2011
Big Tent Poetry prompts us to write poems about feet this week. My pal Amanda’s already composed one. So, why not a limerick?
Feet Trouble Afoot
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I can’t always rely on my feet.
When I dance, they say “Please take a seat!”
Though I stretch ’em and bend ’em,
I can’t seem to mend ’em.
Of foot, I confess, I’m not fleet.
Tags: Ballroom Dance, Exercise Humor, Feet Humor, Foot Limerick, Health Poetry, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Dance Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 14 Comments »
Wednesday, January 5th, 2011
Airplane Piloting 101: If you must spill coffee, spill it on your co-pilot … and not on the plane’s communication’s equipment.
A United Airlines flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, Germany, was diverted to Toronto this week after the pilot dumped a cup of coffee on the plane’s communication’s equipment. The unwanted liquid triggered a series of emergency codes, including one for a hijacking, according to Transport Canada, the agency that regulates transportation in Canada.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Diversion Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A pilot with coffee needs skills
To captain his plane without spills.
So I don’t mean to grouse,
But kindly don’t douse
The controls, cuz that’s flying no-frills.
Tags: Airline Gripes, Airplane Trips, Coffee Drinks Humor, Coffee Verse, Electronic Equipment, Emergency Landing, Pilots, Transportation, Travel Humor, Travel Poetry, United Airlines
Posted in Clumsiness Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Technology Humor, Travel Humor | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, January 5th, 2011
I’m a “recovering lawyer.” But I haven’t “recovered” quite enough to resist writing this lawsuit limerick. It’s a cautionary tale about jilted brides, grooms who get cold feet, and litigation to recover wedding expenses.
The former bride-to-be Dominique Buttitta (who just happens to be a lawyer) is seeking over $95,000 in damages from her ex-fiancé. She claims defendant Vito Salerno jilted her just four days before the wedding, after she’d spent $56,000 for the banquet hall, flowers, orchestra, and gown, plus other non-refundable expenses.
Ms. Buttitta has a decent chance of recovering her out-of-pocket expenses, according to lawyers Gloria Allred and Lydia Sartain.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Wedded Bliss Interruptus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re planning a wedding, be warned:
Change your mind and your bride-to-be scorned
Could sue you and win
Major bucks for your sin.
And your assets? They’re bound to be mourned.
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Cautionary Tales, Lawsuit Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Litigation Poem, Marriage Limerick, Money Poetry, Nuptials, Wedding Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor | 3 Comments »
Monday, January 3rd, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
But before I get to this week’s Limerick-Off, I want to point you to my thank you Limerick Ode To My Limerick-Off Friends.
And now I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A cat-owner made a mistake…
Here’s mine. (It was inspired by a post-Christmas personal anecdote told by my pal Linda Ann Nickerson, who’s both a writer and an animal enthusiast.)
Kitty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cat-owner made a mistake,
While packing up stuff half-awake.
She bundled her cat
In her closet. The rat!
Cat in closet can cause quite a quake.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Tags: Animal Poetry, Cat Humor, Pet Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Chores Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 18 Comments »
