New Year’s Eve Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Year’s Eve is upon us. Hooray!
Wish you all lots of joy night and day!
And to each of my friends
As the current year ends,
I promise more limerick play.
Archive for December, 2010
New Year’s Eve Limerick
Friday, December 31st, 2010Queens Unplowed (Limerick & Haiku)
Tuesday, December 28th, 2010Queens Unplowed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re in Bayside — no sign of a plow.
So our streets remain hazardous now.
The snow storm’s long done,
Yet no plow trucks. Not one!
Has Queens been neglected? And how!
Update: Here’s my haiku on the same subject:
Neglected Queens streets
Piled with snow and slick with ice.
Residents frosted.
Update 2 Yet another related haiku:
Manhattan tourists
Ask why Times Square looks so good:
Snow was shipped to Queens.
(More Queens blizzard and snow removal and Mayor Bloomberg stories and more snow verse here.)
Who Needs A Door, Anyway?
Tuesday, December 28th, 2010Mark and I are looking forward to the next heavy rain storm, since we don’t dare hope for a multi-day thaw. And until one or the other happens here in New York City, we won’t be able to use our back door (which opens out) or get into our yard.
My two-verse limerick explains all:
Who Needs A Door, Anyway?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can’t exit our house from the back,
Cuz the door’s blocked by snowdrifts, alack!
We would shovel it free
If we could, but you see
We’ve no route to that snow we can track.
For the trail to that door’s through the yard.
And clearing that path’s more than hard.
For the yard gate is blocked
From inside, as if locked
By still more snow. Our entry is barred.
Limerick Ode To Greed
Monday, December 27th, 2010As I’ve mentioned previously, my pal Patrick McGuire runs a weekly Unfinished Limerick Contest. The latest finished oddly, as explained in this … uh … press release. And I’m proud to say I garnered an Honorable Mention, despite having broken just about all of the contest’s rules. How did I pull off this feat? You’ll just have to read Patrick’s blog.
Here’s my entry:
Limerick Ode To Greed
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tis the season to make lots of cash
For business, for God. Got a stash?
Yes, ain’t it ironic
That greed is so chronic?
We worship the gods of mall trash.
Unappetizing Limerick
Sunday, December 26th, 2010Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was enjoying dessert…
Here’s mine:
Unappetizing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was enjoying dessert
When he spotted a large spec of dirt.
He just flicked it away
And kept eating. Oy vey!
It touched down on his date’s new silk shirt.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Blizzard Limerick
Sunday, December 26th, 2010Blizzard Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The snowfall is coming down quick
And, alas, it appears to be thick.
Though winter’s just started,
I’d gladly discard it
Cuz shoveling isn’t my shtick.
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
Saturday, December 25th, 2010A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
We Jews Need A Christmas Limerick, STAT!
Saturday, December 25th, 2010When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”
We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.
So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
No Hallelujahs Here For Handel’s Messiah
Thursday, December 23rd, 2010I don’t want to sound negative (I try to save the negativity for my political blog) but I hate Handel’s Messiah.
It’s not that I have anything against Handel. His Water Music and his Royal Fireworks Music are very enjoyable. And he wrote some lovely oboe sonatas.
But the Messiah? Hearing just a measure or two is enough to drive me nuts. And not just because of its really boring Hallelujah Chorus. Or the fact that you can’t get through the Christmas holidays without roughly a gazillion choral societies singing the damn thing.
Handel’s Messiah is dull enough to turn almost anyone into an atheist. And that’s why I wrote this haiku and limerick:
Haiku:
Sacrilege, I know.
But to Handel’s Messiah
I say, “Bach! Humbug!”
Limerick:
I sigh when I hear the Messiah.
It’s a work that just doesn’t inspiah.
Give me Bach any day.
Rather see the ballet!
So enough Hallelujahs! Oh, myah!
Update: My pal Bill Nothstine points me to this Flash Mob performance of the Messiah’s Hallelujah Chorus. And I have to agree with him — if you’re going to see any of the Messiah, this is the way to do it.
Eclipse Haiku Septet
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010My post about haiku and senryu put me in the mood to write more haiku. And what better inspiration than this morning’s extremely rare total lunar eclipse/winter solstice combo!
It’s very cold here in New York. But as my husband sleeps, I’ve been outside watching the eclipse, coming indoors periodically to write some lunar eclipse haiku — a total of seven for a total eclipse:
Here they are:
The lunar eclipse
Is just beginning right now.
Moon’s barely dented.
Bundled up, yet chilled,
I watch moon’s vanishing act.
Quarter’s gone missing.
Icy New York air
Mocks me as I moon eclipse.
Glad cops missed my show.
Ventured out again
As solstice moon wastes away,
Mere shadow of self.
Winds howl in protest,
Demanding that the shy moon
Come out of hiding.
The sky teases us
With a hint of yawning light,
As moon awakens.
Moon stages comeback.
Turns out its retirement
Was only a phase.
Haiku Or Senryu, That Is The Question (A Limerick Explanation)
Monday, December 20th, 2010Every so often I get missives from poetry purists. Their message? Most of my haiku are by strict definition senryu.
Now I hate to admit it, but these sticklers are technically correct. For while haiku and senryu take the same form — three line, seventeen syllable poems (five-seven-five) — historically their subject matter and attitude differ.
If you’re waxing poetic about the physical world, chances are what you’ve written is a classic haiku. Throw in a seasonal reference, and it’s a haiku slam dunk.
But if your topic is human nature and human foibles, it’s probably best to label your verse a senryu, especially if you’re being satirical.
Confused? Don’t worry — most people find all this perplexing. In fact, there are lots of articles discussing this very question, and they don’t all agree with one another. Which is probably why so many people (like me) tend to take the easy way out and label all of our seventeen syllable masterpieces haiku.
But please don’t throw up your hands in unpoetic bewilderment. My explanation in the form of a three-verse limerick just might help or, at least, amuse you:
Haiku Or Senryu, That Is The Question
By Madeleine Begun Kane
So how do you write a haiku?
And when’s a haiku senryu?
Both are five-seven-five,
But heavens alive—
All their diff’rences cause much ado.
The distinction’s confounding to some.
Don’t confuse them — you might be called “Bum!”
If your verse has unfurled
On the natural world,
Then you’ve followed haiku’s rule of thumb.
But if seventeen syllables speak,
Not of nature, but human critique,
With satirical pearls
Mocking people — guys, girls —
You’ve embarked on a senryu streak.
Leggy Limerick
Sunday, December 19th, 2010Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was showing some thigh…
Here’s mine:
Leggy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was showing some thigh
Caught the eye of a very cute guy.
But alas he lacked nerve—
Failed to speak up with verve.
She kept walking — his op went bye-bye.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Holiday Office Party Haiku
Saturday, December 18th, 2010Last week I wrote a series of holiday office party haiku before and after my husband’s office Christmas party. Having survived the festivities, I figured I’d post what’s turned into a trilogy here. (Note: I added one in 2014, turning it into a quartet.)
Holiday party
At husband’s office tonight.
Note to self: Behave.
Trying not to smile–
must conserve facial muscles
for office party.
Friendly note from pals:
“Enjoy the office party.”
Never a good plan.
Ev’ryone behaved
At the office Christmas bash.
Now safe to have fun.
(You can find more of my office party humor here.)
Limerick Ode To Ludwig Van Beethoven
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Oh, joy! I just realized that today is Beethoven’s birthday. How Pathétique of me to almost forget the birth date of this Eroica fellow. After all, I’m so Appassionata about his music, the least I can do is make a concerted effort to remember his birthday.
But I did manage to orchestrate a limerick opus in Beethoven’s honor:
It’s Beethoven’s birthday today.
Born in 1770 — Yay!
His nine symphonies — great!
None compare — no debate.
Happy birthday, dear Ludwig. Hooray!
Naked Pleasures
Wednesday, December 15th, 2010If you’re reading this, you probably enjoy limerick challenges. So I wanted to make sure you knew about Patrick McGuire’s weekly Unfinished Limerick Contests.
Essentially, Patrick provides part of a limerick — anywhere from two to four lines — and asks you to finish it. And he even declares an actual winner.
They’re lots of fun, and I’m pleased to report that I just won his 24th contest. In that poetry challenge, Patrick provided the first two lines and I added the last three. Here’s the resulting limerick:
I am not really much of a prude
And on other folks’ joys don’t intrude.
No, I’d never play god,
But this one thing seems odd:
Why do folks with bad bods sunbathe nude?
UPDATE: I’m guessing these people have an extra good time on National Nude Day, celebrated each year on July 14th.
Ode To AWOL Faces On Facebook
Thursday, December 9th, 2010When Facebook makes changes, they usually annoy me. But I must admit that I mostly like Facebook’s new format and profiles, now that I’m getting used to them.
However, I do have one limerick-worthy peeve which you may have experienced — the now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t line of five photos that (sometimes) sits near the top of our pages.
So I bring you my Ode to AWOL Faces on Facebook:
Ode To AWOL Faces On Facebook
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes lines of five photos appear
Near the top. Then they vanish. Oh, dear!
Facebook’s done it again.
I will have to try Zen
To cope with this format’s premiere.
Jittery Limerick 
Sunday, December 5th, 2010
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A jittery fellow named Fred…
Here’s mine. (It’s a three-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Jittery Limerick (Jittery Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A jittery fellow named Fred
Had problems with sleeping in bed.
He could sleep on a chair
Or a stool — anywhere
But in bed, where things came to a head.
He was haunted in bed by his fears,
Whether sober or after some beers.
He would worry and fret—
Could not snooze on a bet.
And that’s how he lived for ten years.
But then podcasts came into his life.
(He’d heard about them from his wife.)
The discussions and talk
Made sad thoughts take a walk.
Now he slumbers in bed without strife.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Just In Time For Chanukah
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
Just in time for Chanukah, I’ve given Winter Wonderland a new first verse. Feel free to add your own verses, if you’re so inclined. As for me, I’m on the hunt for some chocolate Chanukah gelt. But first I must sing my Chanukah song verse:
Candles lit. Are you looking?
Dreidels spin. Latkas cooking.
Menorahs aglow.
(A mitzvah, you know.)
Chanukah is here. Strike up the band.
