Pompous Limerick
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A pompous conductor named Clyde…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Pompous Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Was worshipped by fans far and wide.
But his beat was unclear
And he had a bad ear,
So the orchestra cheered when he died.
I suppose such behavior is rude
And betrays an extremely bad ‘tude.
But I can not abide
Bad conductors like Clyde
Whose conducting deserves to be booed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Note: I have lots more music humor here.
Tags: Conducting Humor, Death Limerick, Music Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Symphony Orchestra Humor, Writing Prompts
A pompous conductor named Clyde
collected tickets for every ride
He garnered no fame
Neither did he have shame
In fact he oft’ glowed with pride.
LOL!, Rob, I supposed Claude does sound more like a conductor’s name. :)
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Never lost his musical stride
When he raised his baton
He was always right on
So why does he act so damned snide?
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Threw caution to the wind
As he revved the train engine:
Unfortunately his plan was derailed,
As everyone on board died.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Made asides to the woodwinds so snide,
That they made their ire known
With a blast that was blown
In unison from each backside.
A pompous conductor named Clyde…
Loved to have his dinner along side
But when he waved his baton
He invariably sat on
And so the mayonnaise stuck to his hide
A pompous conductor named Clyde,
got paid to endorse Astro-glide
A single fellow, a loner
used the lube on his trom-boner
and was known by ladies worldwide.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Chose a diet that left him quite wide.
“Forte” caused his pant’s rip
from hip to hip
After which he had nothing to hide.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Twas lightning, and all ran inside
Save Clyde, who, the dolt
Was hit by a bolt
And was in an instant fried.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Let lightning hit his blind side,
Before he went dark,
He passed out some sparks
Ben Franklin’s ghost smiles with pride.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Longed for a nubile young bride
After wedding his princess
She demanded redress
Saying, “cash only or you’ll be denied.”
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Said “I fear you may not come inside,”
As a thug with a chain
Started boarding the train.
Now he’s looking for somewhere to hide.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
beat his wife and she quickly died
Guilty the police said
you sure made her dead
and for this, Clyde was tried and fried.
A pompous conductor named Clyde,
in a rainstorm, ventured outside
one short lightning flash
turned dumb Clyde to ash,
such a conductor his wife cried.
A pompous conductor named Clyde,
said “I’m best” of those you have tried”
but the first violin
said your lying is sin,
and you, sir, have certainly lied!
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Was a startling three-fourths tall as wide:
As he crossed narrow aisles,
Folks with snickers and smiles
Rudely urged him to show his “best” side
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Saw each day pretty girls that he eyed:
After stamping each ticket
He would furtively stick it
Down his pants: as a keepsake, he sighed…
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Dated Bonnie (all joking aside);
He, a bit of a prankster,
Liked to dress as a gangster
And attempt to rob banks on the side.
Bonnie learned of his on-off success
(Smoother heists left no blood, muck, or mess);
Now o’erseeing each raid,
Her ring’s premium grade:
They rake in more than one’d ever guess.
So Clyde meekly conducts trains by day,
And each weekend the pair go away
To the seashore, the coast
Where he’ll pompously boast
Of HIS Bonnie: a legend, they’ll say…
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Had a mean streak at least nine miles wide:
Before stamping each ticket
He’d bark, “Sir, you must lick it –
Now, shake it ’til dry on each side!”
But a young boy observed this behavior
And, determined to be patrons’ savior,
When Clyde reached for his ticket
Exclaimed, “Don’t have us lick it
‘Til it’s stamped: it’ll have far more flavor.”
Unsure how to write
Bawdy haiku: violates
Creators’ intent
But in days ahead
{Mad Kane endorses attempts}
May be so inspired…
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Took tickets, what else had he tried?
With uniform just so and pristine
He married his fiance, Christine
And honeymooned by train with his bride.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Took music detractors in stride
To comments he’d listen well
But think, “There’s no way in hell
I’d let them put a crack in my pride.”
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Was overtaken by unshakable pride
When folks thought him funny
He thought of the money
Then laughed so hard he cried.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Was as punctual as he was wide,
But then once, sharp at four,
He got stuck in the door,
And that train journey punctured his pride.
A pompous conductor named Clyde
Had an ego bigger than his belly was wide,
To gain office, he conducted a grand swindle,
This nature got exposed, and his popularity did dwindle,
How delightfull Clyde! The voters only got a short ride.
Thanks again everyone for your delightful limericks!