Not-So-Clean Limerick
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who hated to clean…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Not-So-Clean Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who hated to clean
Was a bach’lor. (You know what I mean.)
His home was a wreck,
Filled with dust-covered dreck.
The mess was quite frankly obscene.
When he took a cute date to his place,
She fled, saying “What a disgrace!
I refuse to date pigs.
Get me out of these digs.
And my phone number? Kindly erase.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: Bachelor Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Dating Poem, House & Home, Household Chores, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Poetry, Spring Cleaning, Writing Prompts
A fellow who hated to clean
thought his city unfair and mean
sending a steam shovel
to clear out his hovel
for dumpsites they’ll quarantine.
A fellow who hated to clean
Invented a cleaning machine
On scales atomic
It scrubbed with waves sonic
Producing, in theory, a sheen
Upon using this strange contraption
He saw an unearthly reaction
As atoms unbound
And his stuff all unwound
He survived, to end up in traction
As he laid there in pain, he wondered
How it was, such bonds he had sundered
If I had just cleaned!
Was the wisdom he gleaned
He tried to remember, then wandered.
A fellow who hated to clean
Was sloppy since he was a teen
He was now 47
And on his way to Heaven
’cause he ate something that had turned green.
I opted not to be obscene
when I wrote about this dirty teen
I tried for more verses
But found out that, curses,
I couldn’t do more than Maxene.
A fellow who hated to clean
Was nevertheless very “green”
Built his house very small
Not much cleaning at all
Maintains it in state ‘most pristine.
(Jay Shafer of Tumbleweedhouses is the inspiration for this limerick.)
Said a fellow who hated to clean:
“Against nature, I won’t intervene.”
Like a bio-researcher,
His apartment would nurture
Bacteria not heretofore seen.
A fellow who hated to clean
Sprayed his whole place with Mr. Clean;
As he slipped across the floor,
He gargled with Listerine;
And as he fell, for a measure more,
He sprinkled liberally with OxyClean.
I’m enjoying Mr. Unclean’s sundry adventures. Thanks for your limericks, and please keep them coming.
A young fellow who hated to clean
Still liked his digs to have sheen
So he hired a crew
Who knew just what to do
Now his pad is a sight to be seen
mad and friends: here are four!!
A fellow who hated to clean
Wiped his furniture with vasoline
Though his stuff stays quite gritty
It always looks pretty
On account of its lingering sheen
A fellow who hated to clean
Hit the town with a girl named Maureen
When she came to his place
It was such disgrace
Ne’er again was Maureen to be seen
A fellow who hated to clean
Signed up with the mujahadeen
But he was such a slob
They fired him from his job
For deviating so much from the mean
A fellow who hated to clean
Was enjoying a fresh tangerine
On the floor he’d spit pits
Giving his roommate fits
Like an “Oscar and Felix” routine
Quite The Charmer!
A fellow who hated to clean
Hadn’t bathed since he was a teen
He loathed a hot shower
Mention soap and he’d glower
And his teeth! Oyyy! They were green!
A fellow who hated to clean
Was also unswervingly mean
When he tortured a bug,
parts stayed on the rug
And even today may be seen.
His bottles of soda and booze
lay where pizza oil would ooze,
And his dirty socks,
His shorn greasy locks
began irreparably to fuse.
The mice in the mouse-traps were mol’y
And roaches, at ease, could walk slowly.
Then would he trap one
And then he would scrap one:
The man and the mess were unholy.
I see some more fun limericks came in when I was out of town. Nice job! Thanks!
A fellow who hated to clean
Got to ride a black limousine
To be on the show “Hoarders”
But he couldn’t stand orders,
To banish his things for a scene
A fellow who hated to clean
Hired pert maids who he commenced to screen
But he didn’t know what
To look out for, so ne’er caught
Onto plans to relieve him of green…
(continuation:)
They crept in one late, rainy night
When he woke: “Girls, you gave me a fright!
You’re much noiser cleaning
Than I recalled, but was meaning
To introduce my new bulldog, Smite.”
They glanced at each other, dismayed
And resolved to return with some Raid
But by now he’d caught on:
Changed his lock! No more pawn
To the maids: their plans made, thus waylaid.
So the fellow sighed, “Well, I must marry:
I suppose it’s between Gail and Sherry.
But she must love to clean,
This can clearly be seen!”
Smite yawned, “Pity, there’s no Cleaning Fairy…”