Operatic Limerick
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
An eccentric soprano named Brett…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a three-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Operatic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Auditioned to sing at the Met.
Her Lucia was bad,
So the maestro got mad
And attempted to throw her off set.
She screamed, “You do not know the score.
I was meant to perform Lammermoor.
The problem’s your flute,
And my voice is a beaut!
Your reviewers will call me top drawer.”
“You shall never perform on this stage,”
The conductor replied, red with rage.
“Your coloratura
Is missing bravura.
And your farts! You belong in a cage!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Related Post: Guide To The Opera Impaired
UPDATE: Opera Day is February 8.
Tags: Audition Humor, Eccentrics, February Holidays, Flute, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Opera Companies, Opera Day, Opera Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Singing Humor, Writing Prompts
An eccentric soprano named brett
Was hopelessly burdened by debt
So to help make ends meet
She took to the street
But twelve bucks was all she could get
An eccentric soprano named Brett
used to keep his falsetto quite wet
when asked as to why
he said it’s better then dry
And he went off to sing at the Met
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Was out back for a cigarette
This made her voice hoarse
The performance was coarse
Think puff pastry with vinaigrette
An eccentric soprano named Brett
had his audition there at the Met
with a gay libretto
sung in loud falsetto
with some nuts, He’d sound better yet
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Took on a very strange bet
They wanted to see
If she could hit a high G
She did and said “You ain’t heard nothin’ yet.”
An eccentric soprano named Brett
died after long years at the Met.
They found him castrata
for balls he had nada,
but he was the best Mezzo yet.
I would not have you think I am obsessed with organs.
LOL! These are fun! Please keep them coming!
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Was all hail-fellow well-met
Until his voice tried to reach
An impossible speech
“Can’t be done on a bet!”
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Traveled in a private jet
When he got to La Scala
Met a sweet signorina
And hasn’t left Italy yet
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Thought he’d sing ev’ry role at the Met,
From Bizet to Rossini,
Wagner, Verdi, Puccini,
And those whom you’ve not heard of yet.
An eccentric soprano named Brett
As the culprit she had obviously not met,
Of making errors in treble clef
A mistake too loud, for Brett was a little deaf
So the matter was resolved in masculine epithet!
But the soprano was a little wild- she would get
At all males, but on Brett her heart was really set
She would someday amplify
A middle C to decibels rather high
She would toot with her flute into the ears of Brett
And Brett discovered the soprano played a fandango
And clapped her hands to say ay ay ay ah ho sol le mi do
And the choir ladies raised their petticoats
And tapped their feet on glass floats
And they went tapitty tapitty clapitty clapitty on their toe
Alas, the soprano hired a guy with a megawatt amplifier
And encouraged him with amorous advances, highly improper
Desire, and asked him “O lover ping the tuning fork
And up the master volume control eh, Meestere York”
Whereupon the glass in the window pane flew off somewhere
So the soprano was without a house- the amplified sound
Had blown off the owner of the gadget, never to be found
And Brett was grinning and singing
In erroneous tones and bringing
Cacophony to the ears of the soprano’s home now dashed to the ground!
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Was dating the first clarinet
When he moistened his reed
He’d play nicely indeed
Until all of their woes they’d forget
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Would never break out in a sweat
With scissors she’d run
Until day was done
Then spend nights playing Russian roulette
An eccentric soprano named Brett,
Found he really need not fret,
Since his voice was so high,
Wore a skirt, not a tie,
And fooled all the folks at the fete.
Eeeks! It’s Lizzie Soprano Brett
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Had adopted a pizza as her stand-in pet
Her mind was on too many things
Including off-key piano strings
She partly ate her sauced over cheese-spread!
But leftovers of her pizza were NOT given to the wall lizard
Thus eagerly watching the chomping of the pizza on guard
But Miss Brett was playing the piano
The lizard could barely afford to say slurp, oh,
Impatient- he bit on the pizza, without a courteous “I beg your pard”
So when Missus Brett upon her former pet gazed
She was shocked, nay, mightily, dreadfully fazed
To see the said wall lizard
On the dinner plate pizzard
And with a swipe of her palm swept the offender, enraged
Thus, dear readers, be it known that Miss Brett
A drooling tongue upon her daintily laid dinner set
Opts now for eating the wall crawler
And is occasionally known to holler
In glee and ask for lizzie pizzie on her plate!
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Was working at that evening’s Fete.
He must sing as you dine
And enjoy your fine wine,
Until he has paid off his debt.
I’m really enjoying these. Please keep them coming and, if you’re on Facebook, post them there as well. Thanks!
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Quite enjoyed a “hand-rolled cigarette”
But in burst the fuzz
They ruined his buzz
Now his weed he must feed the toilet.
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Was a hoary old opera vet.
She knew Mozart, Puccini,
Massenet and Rossini
Each of whom she’d the pleasure to have met!
An eccentric soprano named Brett
Always wore panties on set.
He begged for a spanking,
Then started to wanking,
Got caned, hit his highest note yet.