Dental Deal (Funny Contract)
I’ve received a fair (or unfair) amount of hate mail over the years, mostly for my anti-Bush humor. What else inspired hate mail? This dental humor piece brought in a flood of angry mail after it appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer. For a brief period, I was Public Enemy #1 among dentists, dental students, and their family members. So it’s lucky for me and my teeth that I live in New York.
Dental Deal (Satirical Contract)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Does the very thought of a dentist set your teeth on edge? Is pudding too challenging to chew? This contract should help mitigate your pain.
AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ________, 20__ by anxious Patient and drill wielding Dentist.
WHEREAS, Patient views dentistry as legalized S & M; and
WHEREAS, Dentist enjoys pillaging mouths almost as much as yachting and golf;
NOW, THEREFORE, Dentist and Patient hereby agree as follows:
1. Dentist shall instruct his receptionist not to ask, “How are we today?” If we were well, we would not be here.
2. Dentist acknowledges that Patient’s time has a modicum of value. Accordingly, for every minute Dentist keeps Patient waiting, one dollar shall be subtracted from Patient’s bill. Double, if the waiting room is filled with kids.
3. Dentist shall not try to persuade Patient that X-rays are safe. Such assurances lack credibility when piped in by a Dentist who’s encased in protective gear and cowering next door.
4. Dentist shall not say “You have so many fillings, I can’t read the X-rays.” Otherwise Patient shall say, “Your invoice has so many dollars, I can’t pay the bill. … (My Dental Deal contract continues here.)
Tags: Dental Students, Dentists, Funny Contracts, Hate Mail, Teeth
Hey Madeleine,
Very funny, clever and so true!!
“You put the drill in the tooth!!” so to speak.
Enjoy your brand of humor.
Your Friend,
Bring Back Pluto
“ONE of THE GUYS”
Hope to see you again.