My Advice To Spammers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear spammers, I wish you’d take heed.
A spell-check is something you need.
Though I’m surely no Freud,
You should really avoid
Sending “greeting” cards spelled more like “greed.”
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
June in New York’s been a wash-out this year. So I’ve written both a limerick and a haiku about our rainy weather. And I welcome you to write some weather verse too:
First my limerick:
June Down The Drain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, when will the rain ever wane?
Our weather this June’s been insane.
We are having a bout
With the inverse of drought.
So whoever’s in charge, please refrain!
And now my haiku:
Rainy New York June
Has identity crisis:
It thinks it’s April.
Feel free to write your own weather-related limerick (using my first line, if you’d like) and/or weather haiku and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my FB friends in a limerick-off and haiku-off.
Empty Nest (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was feeling depressed.
(Her syndrome is called “empty nest.”)
Her home was too calm.
She missed being a mom—
Though her spouse “helped” by being a pest.
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Harried Spouse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a guy with no hair.
He’d shaved it all off on a dare.
His wife threw a fit
And she said,”This is it!
Grow it back, or I’ll have an affair!”
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Clerk Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a government clerk
Who tended to act like a jerk.
When someone asked why,
He’d often reply:
“It’s a wonderful perk of my work.”
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Not An American Idol
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a woman named June
Whose singing was way out of tune.
But she sang for her mate,
Who thought she was great,
Which is why his saloon’s gone to ruin.
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Ode to A Nag
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a nag known as Ag
Who was always displaying the flag.
Her patriot airs
Often earned her dark glares
And the theft of her flag as a gag.
(If you’re disappointed because you were expecting horse poems, don’t worry: My Horse of a Different Color is here and my Only In Queens is here.)
Dim-Witted Driver (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dim-witted driver named Ed
Often finds that his battery’s dead.
He’s forgetful most nights
And he leaves on the lights.
That’s why Edward is no longer wed.
As always, please feel free to write your own limerick, using the same first line, and post it in my comments and/or on my Facebook post.
Note: My husband Mark is a frequent source of dead battery-inspired humor, including these two humor columns: Tow Guy Blues and False Alarm. Thus far, however, we remain married. In fact tomorrow’s our 31st wedding anniversary.
UPDATE: Happy National Battery Day (celebrated yearly on February 18th, in honor of physicist Alessandro Volta’s birthday.)
UPDATE 2: Check Your Batteries Day falls on the second Sunday in March.
It’s time for another limerick-off. Feel free to write your own limerick, using the same first line, and post it in my comments and on Facebook.
Commuter Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a fellow named Wayne
Who commuted each day on the train.
The fare was a crime.
It was rarely on time,
Yet was faster than taking a plane.
Jason Linkins, over at Huffington Post, challenges us to write poetry using an odd combination of words:
FUN FACT: Our blog software has four alternate suggestions for the word “tchotchkes,” which it does not recognize. They are:
LATCHKEYS.
HOPSCOTCHES.
CROTCHLESS.
HOTCAKES.I should very much like to see if anyone can write a bracing poem or epigram using these four words, in any context. Send your submissions to me, via email, with the subject line: “THE GREAT HUFFPO LATCHKEYS HOPSCOTCHES CROTCHLESS HOTCAKES LITERARY CONTEST IS AFOOT!” I will, in turn, nominate your offerings for prestigious literary awards, like the Man Booker Prize.
So I decided to have some fun with it, writing both a limerick and a more serious poem. First, my limerick:
As a crotchless young woman from Spain
Is savoring hotcakes on Main,
Who hopscotches by?
A buck-naked guy,
Twirling latchkeys and looking insane.
And now something more serious, using the same quartet of words:
Disconsolate youth,
Lacking latchkeys and adult supervision,
Run around crotchless, uncouth,
Subsisting on hotcakes,
While their absent father
Hopscotches through life.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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