Archive for September, 2007
Thursday, September 27th, 2007
Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, “Oh my God!”
Now my husband Mark and I are fans of Ramsay’s other show Hell’s Kitchen. But other than the presence of Ramsay himself, everything that makes Hell’s Kitchen so much fun — the competition among chefs whom you get to know and root for throughout the season — is missing from Kitchen Nightmares. What’s left (at least in episode 1) is numerous nausea-inducing scenes featuring rancid food and roughly gazillion roaches and flies.
Of course, by the end of the show Ramsay and his team of miracle workers turn the dive-of-the-week into a restaurant you wouldn’t be afraid to dine in.
What I can’t figure out is what the Manhattan restaurant featured in week 1 (Indian restaurant Dillons, reborn as Purnima) was doing in business before the makeover. Doesn’t New York City have restaurant inspectors? I sure hope so, because that’s where I live.
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Restaurant Nightmare
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I must flee this buffet. Please, let’s go.
A mouse just ran by and … oh no!
I spotted a roach
As it tried to encroach
On my sole. What’s that thing on your toe?
(You can find more of my food humor here and more of my media humor here.)
Tags: Dining Out Humor, Flies, Fox Television, Gordon Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen, Insects, Kitchen Nightmares, Media Humor, New York City Restaurant, Restaurant Inspection, Roaches, TV Humor, Weight Loss Humor
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Insect Humor, Limericks, Media Humor, New York Limericks & Haiku, Television (TV) Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, September 24th, 2007
I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:
Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.
Tags: Addiction Humor, Computers, Internet Limerick, Net Addict, Net Humor, Psychology Humor, Site Outage Poem, Techie Humor, Technology Verse, Web Addict, Web Humor, Web Withdrawal
Posted in Addiction Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Computer Humor, Internet Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Technology Humor | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.
(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
Tags: A.C. Humor, A/C, Air Conditioning Humor, Compatibility, Heat Humor, Husbands, Husbands and Wives, HVAC Humor, July Holidays, Marriage Limerick, Odd Holidays, Seasonal Verse, Spousal Humor, Summer Gripes, Technology Limerick, Temperature Humor, TV Remote Control, Weather Humor, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor, Television (TV) Humor, Weather Humor | 4 Comments »
Saturday, September 15th, 2007
Sometimes spam frustrates me so much, that I’m forced to turn it into haiku. How do I do it? I simply mix and match phrases from various annoying email solicitations and turn them into Spam Haiku. Here are some examples:
My college pictures
Enhance your anatomy.
Proven effective.
New technology.
Frustration and hopelessness.
Xanax, Valium.
Amazing orgies.
Pictures are hard to believe.
Are you strong enough?
Play Texas Hold’em.
Your future is in your hands.
Never type again.
Large screen DVD.
Is your husband performing?
Big trading alert.
Stocks in an up trend.
Best pain reliever ever.
Be happy again.
Be a love hammer.
Penis enlargement breakthrough.
You can split and merge.
Pelvic pain is real.
Computers are infected.
Contact our doctors.
Tags: Annoying Email, Computer Verse, Haiku & Senryu, Spam, Spam Poetry, Spam Verse, Technology Verse
Posted in Computer Humor, Email Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Internet Humor, Marketing Humor, Spam Humor, Technology Humor | 7 Comments »
Thursday, September 13th, 2007
Some Dishy Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“We’re discussing our favorite dish,”
Said the gal. “Please chime in if you wish.”
“You mean Paris and Trump
And that singer’s big rump?”
“Oh my no, sir! Our topic is fish.”
(You can find more of my food and drink limericks and humor here and my Donald Trump humor here.)
Tags: Celebrity Dish, Donald Trump, Favorite Dish, Food Limerick, Food Verse, J.Lo, Jennifer Lopez, Paris Hilton
Posted in Celebrity Humor, Donald Trump, Entertainment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Wordplay | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
Welcome mobile readers! If you’re browsing via cell phone, I’ve written this limerick just for you:
Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!
If you’d like to subscribe to this humor blog’s mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar. And don’t forget to subscribe to my political satire blog’s mobile feed too.
Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. And you might even earn some advertising and affiliate revenue doing it.
Tags: Mobile Browser, Mobile Web, Mobilize
Posted in Blogging Humor, Internet Humor, Limericks, Mobile Web, Technology Humor, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on Ode To The Mobile Web (Cell Phone Browsing Humor)
Monday, September 10th, 2007
It’s time for some silly classical music punning. (Fortunately, the tale told in this limerick never really happened.)
Bach! Humbug!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your CD collection’s a joke,
And classical sucks,” yelled the bloke.
My discs couldn’t handle
This rampaging vandal:
Now all of my Bach sets are broke.
Tags: Bach, Bach Sets, Baroque, CDs, Classical Music Humor, Music Collection, Musical Puns, Vandals
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Wordplay | 1 Comment »
Saturday, September 1st, 2007
As a result of a neighbor’s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.)
Stockholm – A Swedish woman has been banned by court order from smoking in large parts of her own garden following a complaint from a neighbour…
… The neighbour, a lawyer, filed the complaint with the court in Vaxjo, in southern Sweden, saying he was obliged to wear a mask in his garden when the neighbour lit up.
Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cig-hating fellow from Sweden
Sued a gal cause she smoked during weedin’.
Now smoking’s been banned
On much of her land.
What’s next? Litigation o’er readin’?
Tags: Cigarettes, Law Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawyers, Litigation Humor, Litigious Society, Neighborly Humor, Neighbors Humor, Smoke-free Satire, Smoking Bans, Smoking Humor, Sweden, Swedish
Posted in Gardens / Plant Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Outdoors Humor, Smell Humor, Smoking Humor, Social Satire | Comments Off on Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits (Outdoor Smoking Ban Limerick)
