It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I prefer to catch movies at home,
Not in theaters where tall fellows roam.
There they prowl, on the hunt
For the seat right in front,
To bestow a great view of their dome.
Update: April 23 is National Movie Theater Day.
Some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Very Funny Classical Music Humor YouTube Video — Rachmaninov Had Big Hands
* Nixon Announces Comeback, To Regain Title As ‘Most Corrupt President’
Boot-Licked
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My new laptop refuses to boot,
So I’m thinking of filing a suit.
Plug and play this sure ain’t.
If it started, I’d faint.
Lots of loot for this trash don’t compute.
Thanks to all of you who participated in this, my first limerick writing contest. (And yes, I’ll be holding these contests regularly.)
The response to my spring limerick contest exceeded my wildest hopes – nearly 60 poems were submitted. In fact, there were so many wonderful entries — some poignant, some laugh-out-loud funny — that it was hard to select the winners.
But the voting’s in and the panel has rendered its decision. Okay, I admit it — it was a panel of one — me. Still, I did so much arguing with myself, that it felt like a much larger panel.
I’m awarding a First Prize ($25 in PayPal cash), a Second Prize ($10 in PayPal cash), and five Honorable Mentions. And the winners are…
FIRST PRIZE goes to Graham Lester for this lovely limerick:
Blossoms bloom, we’re in love, and it’s Spring!
How delightful, you’re going to sing!
You’re as sweet as a flower,
Yet I’m suddenly sour
As you say, “And now something by Sting. . .”
SECOND PRIZE goes to Bob Dvorak for this fine limerick:
Flight of fancy, my love taking wing
Joins the jaybirds and bluebirds that sing
As the days burgeon long –
Hear my heart beating strong
For my darling. I love you. It’s spring!
And five HONORABLE MENTIONS go to (in no particular order) …
J. E. Pettit:
It’s springtime, which means that my fancy
Is turning to thoughts of my Nancy.
But marry this summer?
I’d have to be dumber;
Her husband would kill us! Too chancy!
hugh t:
Passion’s flames have died down to an ember:
She is April; I’m chill December.
It’s a rather sad thing
To remember one’s Spring
When there’s not much spring left in one’s member.
Richard Stehr:
Through the winter I slog and I schlep,
But in spring there’s a spring in my step.
All the birds are in song,
And I’m singing along
With a throat that is strong…and not strep.
Mephistopheles:
That “Sproing!” that we hear is the sound
As our greenery springs from the ground.
Every Spring, there’s a chance
We’ll get rioting plants,
When their mainsprings get overly wound.
David Franks:
Though it’s cold, I find winter infernal–
Its dim, lifeless stay seems eternal.
Take this hiemal night!
Give me growth, life and light:
My favorite days are the vernal.
Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks again to everybody who participated. (You can read all of the entries here.)
And please stay tuned — I’ll be announcing another limerick contest very soon right here in this blog. I should be posting something about it mid-April, just as soon as I get my tax return done. And the topics will be — you guessed it — money and taxes.
A Rueful Rhyme
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your inventions are brilliant, it’s true.
Yes, you’re smart; it’s your rudeness I rue.
I regret that I met you,
My failure to vet you,
And, mostly, my saying, “I do.”
Good news! I’ve just sold two limericks and one haiku to the upcoming political humor anthology, Jest Patriotic (Let There Be Laughter Series): Hack This Limerick; Running From Mistakes; and Torture Bill Haiku.
So, who says crime … uh, I mean poetry … doesn’t pay?
The political humor anthology’s due out in May, but their money humor anthology Cash In On Laughter is already out. And I’m pleased to say that two of my money humor columns appear in that anthology, as well.
Some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Carnival of the Mundane
Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
By late March we’ve made impressive progress:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)
Belated Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your apology’s rather belated,”
Said the gal to a fellow she hated.
“Your delay makes me fear
That it isn’t sincere—
You still had your hair when we dated!”
*****
UPDATE: October 14 is Be Bald And Free Day.
Musical Faux Pas
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The solo violist played well,
With strong bowing, tone clear as a bell.
But she messed up the end;
When the time came to bend
For her bow, she got dizzy and fell.
Writing my Is It Spring Yet? limerick gave me an idea to launch the first of what I hope will be many limerick writing contests.
So here’s my challenge: Write a limerick related somehow to the subject of spring and post it here in my comments. I’ll announce the winners on the first day of spring. The first prize will be $25. The second prize will be $10. Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.
I’m looking forward to reading your entries!
UPDATE: This contest is officially closed and the spring limerick contest winners and their winning entries are here.
Please check back on this blog in mid-April, when I expect to announce a new limerick contest.
Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* The Administration’s Official Position On ‘Pending Legal Proceedings’
A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My filters should block them, but nay!
Spam emails beset me each day,
Pushing stock, naked boys,
Drugs for sex, naughty toys—
All ad nauseam. Please, go away!
Dog Days Of Roofing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our roofers must enter your yard,
But their access is blocked by your guard—
That gargantuan Doberman,
Feared by most sober men—
And boozing pre-roofing is barred.
Sibling Trickster
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Pick a card,” was a phrase I would hear
As a child, from my brother, all year.
He did card tricks—his hobby.
I’d answer, quite snobby:
“Magician, please go. Disappear!”
Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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