The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.)
I’m Not Bowled Over By Bowling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t ask me to bowl. I’m the worst.
When I try to, I’m bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
“You must aim for your lane!”
No more bowling, unless I’m coerced.
Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 23rd, is Toast Day. So don’t forget to toast Toast Day.
And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Dems ‘Embrace’ Brits’ Pullout, Seek To Revoke Declaration Of Independence
Backup Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
They told me to back up my drive,
Which has crashed—it’s no longer alive.
Had I heeded their warning,
I wouldn’t be mourning
My data, which didn’t survive.
Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.
Deal? Or No Deal!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You lied in your last deposition,
Further weak’ning your flimsy position.
I’ve been fleeced, I can see—
It’s apparent to me.
So an out-of-court deal ain’t my mission.
Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm:
The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice!
My latest limerick was inspired by this week’s New York weather:
Wintry Woes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In winter, a job I’d not pick
Is wielding an ice pick, when sick.
I abhor it, when well
And, when ill, well, it’s hell.
Oh my heavens, the hail’s coming quick!
Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:
Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)
Those &^%$#$% Auditions!!!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If a symphony job is your mission,
You’d better learn how to audition.
Those try-outs are trying.
Remember, no crying!
Can’t hack it? Become a physician.
Litigation Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“You don’t care about others. You’re callous,”
Said the plaintiff, with undisguised malice.
“Well, you haven’t been sweet,”
He replied in a beat,
“Since the night that we wed, my dear Alice.”
Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Obama Announces For President… In Hit Show ’24’
Edu-Gaffe
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Being accurate’s highly essential.
This is math, not some course existential.”
We enjoyed a brief laugh
At the lecturer’s gaffe,
For our subject was jurisprudential.
Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.
UPDATE: Happy Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day! (August 7)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day Video
UPDATE 2: Oct 1 is CD Player Day.
Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re broke, it ain’t smart to defame
An affluent fellow’s good name.
With his pockets so deep,
Your defense won’t be cheap.
No, the law ain’t a poor person’s game.
A Biting Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Ow! My tooth aches,” a man told the nurse,
Whose answer was biting and terse:
“The Doc’s in a tizzy.
His schedule’s too busy.
Take asp’rin. Come back when it’s worse.”
(My Dental Deal, a funny dentist/patient contract, is here.)
UPDATE: Happy National Toothache Day! (celebrated yearly on February 9th) And happy Dentists Day! (celebrated yearly on March 6th)
Practice, Practice, Practice
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The teacher called out from his car:
“Ma’am, your daughter’s a driver’s ed star.
Her steering’s quite deft,
She knows right turns from left,
And, with practice, she’s bound to go far.”
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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